I miss my mom. « Life is a curveball.

I miss my mom.

{ March 7, 2007 @ 12:42 am } · { mom }

I actually wrote this blog on myspace before I had another site. I felt I would put it on this one for anyone reading who wants to get to a feel for who I am in different ways other than living in Detroit or talking about Elly. There is so much about life and my views on life that I never really have had a chance to write about…and well, I feel this will show some people how I feel about certain things. I am not posting this for anyone to feel sorry for me. That is not my intention. Sometimes I like to read it and remember her. It makes me feel better at times. I wrote it June 26, 2006. Well, here it is:

I miss my mom.

I felt the need to write this to anyone who will read it. Actually, I just needed to write this for my own personal reasons. It is all probably going to come out in a big mumble-jumble mess, so I guess you can try and make sense of it if you’d like.

I miss my mom. I miss her terribly. This isn’t something that bothers me usually, it’s been almost 9 and a half years that she’s been gone now. I’ve learned to carry on just fine. I don’t get upset when people ask me about my mom, or when I have to tell them that she died. I always hear the “I’m so sorry to hear that’s”, and “I’m sorry I brought it up”. You know I am more than happy when someone brings her up! Sometimes I wish I could just sit and talk about her, tell about what a great woman she was. And you know I could, I could talk about her for hours, and I could tell you the stories I remember and the things I know about her or the stories I’ve heard and continue to hear on occasion. She was crazy. She was fun. She was loud. She was competitive. She was caring. She was strong. She was responsible. She was amazing. But most of all, she was my mom. No one can ever replace a mom. NO ONE. No one can take the place of someone who brought you into this world. I work at CVS, and I see mothers and daughters come in all the time. Whether it be the daughter is 40 years old and the mother 70, or the daughter 17 and the mother 40, or the daughter 6 and the mother 30’s, the relationship is something you cannot replace. I watch the mothers , take care of theri daughters, watch them joke around, watch them yell…it’s something I yearn for.

I am such a happy person. I am such a blessed person. I don’t take anything for granted because I know as soon as you can have something, you can lose something. I cherish and appreciate everything about my life and life in general. Life is too precious to not enjoy every day while you can.

I just miss having my mom come to my softball games and scream at the umpires when they make bad calls. I miss her laugh. I miss her loud mouth. And I know she would have embarrassed me to high hell if she was still here. And I know ALL of you would have loved her; that’s just the kind of person she was. I wish that I could just come home and talk to my mom, tell her all about my guy problems and my aspirations to be a singer. And I know she would help me try and reach my goals with all she could. I know things would have been a lot different with her here, a lot easier in fact.

I cannot complain, for I have the most amazing aunt and grandma. (which my aunt is my mom’s sister and my grandma my mom’s mom.) They help me through everything and support me all they can. In fact I am living in my grandma’s house, in the upstairs. It is actually where my mom and aunt shared a room when they were growing up. Funny, huh? I bet my mom never thought I’d be living in the same room she did.

It’s odd because lately I have heard alot of her. There is this man named Tony who comes into my work, and went to school with my mom. One day when he came in we got into talking, and somehow my mom got brought up. He said he had known her name, and since then he has asked other friends of his. He actually knows some of my mom’s close friends. We talked about her again today…Tony had told me he ran into this man named Nate Robertson or Robinson, couldn’t remember which, but this man Nate has brought up my mother to Tony. He said he went to highschool with Tony and her, and that my mom had beat him out in a softball game or something. I laughed because that sounds just like my mom, she was extremely competitve and beat the boys at everything. She was bossy and did things her way.

My friend Natalie let me borrow this book called “Lovely Bones”. So far it’s amazing, and I’ve even cried from reading it. In fact it is what made me start crying and thinking of my mom more. It’s about this young girl who gets killed and goes to heaven, and she gets to watch her family and friends continue on life without her. The way the book describes heaven is reall interesting, in fact, it’s pleasant, but at the same time it is sorrowful, because the one thing that she wants is to be on earth with her family and friends, but she cannot be there. It makes me wonder what my mom thinks, how she feels, if she’s really up there watching me continue my life without her. I wonder if she sees me cry and wishes she could be here. I wonder if she just wants to kick my dad’s ass for being an idiot, or if she wishes she could just talk to me about boys and the trials and tribulations of growing up and being a teenager.

Wondering doesn’t really do anybody any good anyways. It’s just all thoughts that cloud up your mind and toy with your emotions.

This is something that does bother me though. There are so many people that I know who do not appreciate their moms, or dads for that matter. Your parents. I know that no one is perfect and trust me on that, if you know my dad you would understand. But after everything my dad has put me through I still love my dad and would never give him up for anyone else. I wish more than anything that I could have my mom back. It hurts me when I hear people saying how they hate their moms because they got into a fight or because their mom may act psycho or maybe their mom just has problems. You need to understand that no one is here forever. Just imagine if your mom or dad died tomorrow. What would you do? It is so important to appreciate what you have and love what you got while it is still on this very earth, because once it’s gone chances are you aren’t going to see them again for a long time.

Please appreciate your mom and dad. It is hard to do I know. I have the same problem. But I promise you hanging out with them, or fighting with them, or laughing with them…it is all worth it. Spend time. Laugh. Live. Enjoy it while they are here.

I would do anything to see my mom one more time. Just to talk to her, just to touch her. But I know she is watching over me, taking care of me still. I feel her every day. I know she is there. But it’s hard. Really hard. I know I’ll see her again one day.

Sorry for all this rambling, and I’m sorry if I come off as a bit preachy. But i can’t help it.

PS: i just want to add one more thing. I love my little sister savannah more than anything, savvy if you read this i love you! and everything will work out fine i promise…im always here for you. and mom looks over you too, everyday and everynite.

oh and one more thing…

this was just something that i had to get out and something i wanted to write. please dont feel sorry for me…because i am doing ok. i dont want anyone to feel sorry for me because i am not that type of person. i just wantted to share something so people will understand where i am coming from and possibly learn from it.

90 Comments »

leahhh Said:

on March 14, 2007 at 10:14 am

schally, this is leah g. i just wanted to say that i just read all of that and i am all teared up and you are just so amazing and so strong and i’m glad that we became friends. i hope i get to see you soon

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Jason Said:

on March 21, 2007 at 9:26 am

i was watching the Secret lovers commercial from t-mobile and it always remind me of my mother. I remember hearing that song all the time when i was like 7, Im sure she had a secret lover being she listened to it so much. a 27 yo male first born (not that it really matters) but i lost my mom like 3 years ago from liver cancer. I miss her so much man. I dont have any other family either because she didnt talk to any of hers, i have my two sisters from other fathers tho im appriciative of though. I just miss that happy time in life before all the bills and adult drama. I cant explain the bond i had for her being I was taken away to live in group homes at the age of 11. Ever since then i feel the universe has pushed me away from my family in an estranged way. I wish i can go back so much. When she was about to pass away i went to Denver from NYC to visit her in the nursing home. She passed away as i was getting off the plane, by the time i got there her bed was empty and so was her room, only with all of her belongings were there. It was so surreal, I felt like god put something so close for me to touch but that i couldnt actually make it by a couple hours was so teaseful. (if thats a word) Im still kind of mad at IT. I spent so much time preparing to bare my soul to her and let her know im not mad at anything she did. and that i love her so much and to know i just barely made it to comfort her in to passing. My sisters were not there due to one being too young and the other kind of fighiting with her. But mabey god took her because it would have been too much for me to handle? So message to everyone dont procrastnate sharing your feelings like aquarians do. When you decide to do it. – it may be too late.

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Jason Said:

on March 21, 2007 at 9:29 am

Oh sorry i left out that i never met my father. American life lol

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Kristi Said:

on March 23, 2007 at 7:35 pm

Thanks so much for sharing your stories about your moms. I am 37 and just lost my mom on March 2, 2007. The first night of going to sleep knowing my mom wasn’t here on this earth was HARD and then waking up the next day knowing she wasn’t here was even harder.

Even though I am 37 and a mom myself it still hurts to know I can never call my mom to ask for advice, shoot the breeze or just say I love you. I know she is watching over me and is with me in spirit, but its still not the same as you all know.

I still have my dad and 3 brothers, but they are guys and never understood the bond mom and I shared. My relationship with my dad is strained and my brothers have all scattered in the wind and rarely kept in contact with me. Now I feel as though my whole family has changed since my mom is gone.

My children and I lived with my mom when they were babies and I was young and dumb, but mom loved us all the same. She was just out here in December to see me FINALLY graduate with my Bachelors Degree. I think she knew it was ok to go because her daughter had finally found a wonderful husband and finished her degree.

I am thankful that my mom didn’t have to suffer and lose who she was to a tragic disease. You have to look for the good in all things.

Thanks for sharing and letting me share.

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o9guy Said:

on May 18, 2007 at 2:29 am

I wish I had your strength! I lost my mother a day after her birthday in 2005 and I still bleed buckets for her absence. Six months she was sick didn’t afford my mother much time to suffer, for which I am thankful. I just can’t put the positives before the pain though. I miss her.

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Meek Said:

on May 31, 2007 at 12:11 am

nice tribute to your mom.

i was having one of those “missing my mom and dad so much days” that i googled ‘i miss my mom’ and ended up here. it was nice to read.

i’m a 38 year old male and my mom died march 27, 2004…my 2 sisters and i spent all of our energies rehabilitating my dad’s spirits because he was heartbroken and we naturally gravitated to him as the conduit to our mom. my dad, then was diagnosed with cancer and he died on january 4, 2007 (one day before my mom’s birthday).

it really is difficult to see all the commercials for mother’s day and father’s day stuff.

then again, there’s really not much to say because such is the cycle of life. one thing i can take from the experience is that you start to realize how many people have gone through this…and oddly, that is helpful. if you can deal with this, why shouldn’t i be able to?

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missalexxx Said:

on May 31, 2007 at 6:10 am

I really appreciate all of your comments! I know I am most certainly not the only person who has gone through losing a parent(or both), but it does in a way comfort me to know that there are others who know how I feel! Sometimes you just need someone to talk to about it. Anytime you guys have a story or miss your parent(s), leave me a comment! I enjoy reading them. I’m glad that my entry was something you guys could relate to. I am sorry to hear about all your losses, however, as I know they are hard things to go through. Meek is right, though, it is a way of life, and even though it does change lives completely, we all will carry on! Once again thanks for the comments! I wish you all the best in life!

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amanda Said:

on June 12, 2007 at 6:51 pm

Hi,my name is amanda and i have sat and read everything all of you have put and its heartbreaking,i would like to write about my parents to see if it makes me feel any better but i would be here forever writing down all i would like to say.my mom died 25th october 2006 after battling first breast cancer in both her breasts which then turned to bone cancer 5 hard long years she fought this,but some how still managed to support me through a marriage break up,a miscarriage the loss of her own parents,and her twin sisters falling out with her which i no almost destroyed her,when she was told the drs could do no more for her she made my dad promise not to let us no until i was out of the danger period of the new life i was carrying inside of me.she wrote a diary of her ilness and she kept so much pain from us,i never knew of this diary till she passed away and i still cannot bring myself to read it all.my mom was beautifull even when the cancer started ravaging her body she still had that look of beauty about her,she was strong willed,and she loved her family more than anything in this world,when she died i was holding her hand as i had moved in as my dad was looking stressed,i remember her taking her last breath as a tear trickled down her cheek as if to say sorry,i remember screaming mommy as if i were a little child again and holding her so tight my dad had to prise me away i breathed in her smell till they came to take her away,when she was took i lay on her side of the bed and sobbed till i had no tears left,my dad was distraught this was the only love of his life,my 2 6ft brothers were reduced to little children i looked around me and thought they all need you pull yourself together.we took dad to the drs as he seemed how can i put it well it seemed more than grief,we had to take him up the hospital and on the day of mums funeral we had a call to come to hospital,we were told dad had cancer of the brain,liver,colon,spleen and lungs.Oh how could god be so cruel to do this to us,my dad died 28th december 2006 i cannot even go into the guilt i feel about my dad my wonderfull dad had gone too.i have moved to malta as i cannot face england.i hate it but i miss my 2 brothers,im a mess a complete mess butwhat can i do i cant get them back and i want them back.amanda

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kristi Said:

on June 18, 2007 at 12:58 am

Amanda,

What a turbulent time you have had! Remember the best way to honor parents is to continue to live your life to the best of your ability and find humor in each day.

I remember right after my mom died I had to pick up a flower arrangement that someone had sent in remembrance of my mom. I SOBBED, BAWLED, SCREAMED and HOWLED the whole trip across town, a couple of times I thought I’d have to pull over because I could barely see. Some how I managed to make it there safely to find a GIGANTIC arrangement of the most beautiful flowers waiting for me.

It was soooooooooooo big that I had to sit it on the seat and buckle it in so as to not spill the water. As I was getting ready to leave, I looked over in the passenger side but couldn’t see over the flowers because they were so HUGE.

I started to laugh because my mom was such a shorty (4′9″) and whenever I drove her around I would always tease her because kids 4′9″ and under had to be in car seats. The flower arrangement sitting where my mom used to sit was gargantuan to the point where I couldn’t see over or around it and I said “mom, this is so typical of you to find a way to make me laugh even when I miss you so much!”

It was nice to find humor even though my heart was so broken. Laughter has healing power. I know my mom would not want me to spend my days missing her physical presence.

I am not a religious person, but I do believe in the after life and feel that those you love are around you always.

You have certainly gone through so much more than I, but grief is an ugly, but natural process. Make sure to take care of yourself, and don’t beat yourself up about crying and missing them, it is natural. However, if it is interfering with your ability to function you might want to find someone to talk to.

Kristi

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Debbie Said:

on August 5, 2007 at 12:06 pm

I know how you feel. I am 37 and lost my father march 4, 2007. Its been so hard he is all I had. My Mom passed away when I was 12 and my father was a wonderful man. I miss him so much. Its sucks to be 37 and have no parents. I am basicly on my own and have no family to turn to. I wish you the best. they will be with us for ever in memory. Its better to have that than nothing.
Take care

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Missy Said:

on September 6, 2007 at 3:38 am

missalexxx,
very touching as I have lost both parents. I hope you have your alex back from Iraq. God bless

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Karen Said:

on September 23, 2007 at 5:50 pm

It’s a beautiful Sunday, Sept. 23 as I sit here, still in my PJ’s googling “I miss my mom so much it hurts” and getting your site. Sometimes I just want to reach out and connect so bad b/c I feel so alone in this pain I experiance on a day to day basis. So here is my story……My name is Karen and I live in Detroit. I am 35 yrs old. My mom passed away this past Feb. of Stage 4 lung cancer. She was diagnosed in Feb. of 06′. It was this best year and the worst year I have ever experienced with my mother. She had just turned 62 yrs. old Jan. 20th, 2007. I have one sibling, brother 38, who is married with one child who lives in San Diego. My bro and I have never really had a relationship with my father since our parents got divorced when we were in our teens and the family has shrunk so much since then from grandparents passing or just family BS. So really it was always me, my bro and my mom. After my mom was diagnosed, I immediately moved in her condo to take care of her. She had a live-in boyfriend but was never really capable emotionally of the new responsibilities that came along with my moms diagnosis. I was so glad that I was able to be there every step of the way. I never wanted my mother to be alone and it was a way for me to give back to my mom for everything that she had ever done for me. I feel blessed to have had the time I had with mom. I thank god for it every single day. Believe it or not, some of the best times I have ever had with my mom were in the hospital. So I guess in a strange way, while it was the worst of times, it was also the very best. I have a lot of those “bitter sweet” moments from then AND now. This past summer was my time to really grieve. I spent all of my free time just letting myself feel and go through and just be however and whenever. I chose to opt out of a social life for the time being b/c really, all I wanted to do, or should I say know HOW TO do is be alone with the feelings I had so I could deal with everything I was going through at the time. I couldn’t really handle, nor wanted to, deal with much more than that anyways. No one understands you, gets you, or really wants to. Unless you have personally been through such a tremendous loss, people just tell you to “be strong” cause thats what your mom would want or “get over it already” b/c you need to move forward. A lot of friends and co-workers couldn’t understand, nor did I want to even try to explain again and again, what it was like or what I was experiencing at the time. So I stopped trying and they all just assumed I was ok or just stopped calling me. Whatever. I had to take care of myself. I am so thankful for the follow-up sevices that Beaumont Hospice had offered me after my mom passed. I have been able to talk with a grief counselor once a week for 13 months. It has done wonders for me but I have also worked very hard at facing my grief head on and not running from it. I have to say that I have never learned so much before about myself, about life and just about the importance of my relationships with my family and friends. I am a true believer that everything does happen for a reason. I believe that I everyone here reading this is happening for a reason. life is just so fragile. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I do know that I take my mom everywhere I go. She is with me always and that bond will always be present no matter where life may take me. Of coarse, it will never be the same without my mom pyhsically present, but I know she is and will always be there for me, just in a different sense. The pain never goes away. But it does change. The constant yearning for her I don’t think ever goes away. But it changes. My windows of opportunity to have a “good” day or week slowly happen more so as time passes. But no matter what……….I will never be the person that I once was before my mom was diagnosed. And I will never experience a greater loss in my life. And yes, this is life. There will be a lot more losses to come down the road. But for now, I thank god for what I have and I love my mom more than anything thing in this world. If it wasn’t for her, the lucky daughter that I am to have been raised by such an amazing women, I really don’t know where I would be! I write and share with all of you in hopes that maybe I am able to help comfort in some way that we are not alone and so many of us share such similar experiences.

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brenda Said:

on September 29, 2007 at 1:29 am

I am very touched by our love for our moms..my mom passed away in 2006..She was my best friend..
I miss her a lot..beautiful..charming..thoughtful..I only hope that I can live up to a little of what she tried to instill in the world. We were not a close family..now my sister has breast cancer..she said she loves me for the first time..my mind is crazy over this..
Take each day..as we have heard over and over again..for what it is worth..stop and help your friends..because we never know if that same sunflower we admired yeaterday..will be there tomorrow..
Enjoy your life..
Cheers!
Carley

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Sharon Said:

on October 4, 2007 at 4:41 am

Karen, from Sept 23 – your words have helped me. I found this site also by googling “I miss my mom so much”. I am 35 and I lost my mom in January, also to cancer. So many things you said ring true to me as well, in exactly the same way. thank you.

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Sharon Said:

on October 4, 2007 at 4:42 am

And missalexxx, thank you for posting this in the first place.

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Karen Said:

on October 7, 2007 at 3:37 am

Sharon, I am so glad that I was able to touch you in some way : ) You made me smile and I thank you for reading and sharing also. Who knows, maybe our moms are all up in heaven meeting eachother and celebrating us! Wouldn’t that be nice! You just never know………..

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jeff g Said:

on November 6, 2007 at 6:04 pm

Hi

My mom passed may 5 2007… I can relate to your stories. I am crying my eyes out reading them. My mom was my best friend.. we would go to the movies, concerts, shopping together. In the last 2 years of her life we became so close. Close like we were when I was just a little kid. I just wanted to give her everything she ever wanted. I would buy her everything. I remember she told me one day that no one ever gave her anything from Tiffany’s in her life. She always wanted that little blue box. So I went out that night and drove for an hour to find the tiffany story and got the necklace for her.. She was so happy… also i remember leaving a diamond ring for her on valentines day as asurprise… She was watching myy dog and my house when i went to vegas and I left the ring for her so she would find it on valentines dayy. she called me in vegas and was crying on the phone. I also did all of the non material things for her like just talking to her for hours at a time about anything and everything… We went to the Toby Keith concert, she wanted to go so bad and we ended up having a great time. She said it was the best time of her life. SOmetimes I just feel like not being here anymore when i think about all of this.. I am single and dont have anyone to talk to about this stuff.. I just dont know what to do..

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Kathie Said:

on November 8, 2007 at 5:57 pm

I also googled “i miss my mom” and was put here. My Mom died June 12 this year. Even though I turned 50 years old in September I feel very lonely without her. I am married to a great guy for the last 30 years (time goes so fast) but we never had any kids. My Mom was my girlfriend, confidant, great listener, and wonderful Mom to her 7 kids. Thanks to all of you for this website, it has helped me for today. Peace and Love.

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Karen Said:

on November 9, 2007 at 3:43 am

Jeff G, I am so sorry : ( I want you to know that if you feel the need, you can email me. Any of you can email me personally if you ever want to chat one on one. Jeff, I really do get it. And it’s unfortunate that you don’t have anyone that you can talk to. I feel it’s so important to have at least one person you can talk to who can really be there to listen when you need to vent. It has been quite a struggle for myself to find someone to talk to b/c my OWN brother and Aunt don’t want to deal with it and my friends are all married with kids and are so busy all the time that when I need them, there not answering the phone. I have been lucky in the fact that I have therapy that was offered through my moms hospice care and it’s been a great outlet for me. Maybe you might consider seeking out a professional who specializes in grief therapy or you can talk to me by email and then I could give you my #. I really don’t mind being someone anyone can lean on. I find it to be the most frustrating thing that people can’t get it unless they have experienced it. And to talk to someone who gets it without you having to explain is a blessing. So just so you all know, and especially you Jeff, you can always email me personally at kare213@yahoo.com. And if you would rather talk on the phone, I would be happy to give out my number to you and be there for you. Really, I don’t mind at all. Just let me know.

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Kristi Said:

on November 13, 2007 at 11:16 pm

Hello all from the board. I am glad to see there have been more posts, but I am sorry for the reason that brings us all here.

Tonight is November 13, 2007 about a week before Thanksgiving. I don’t know why Thanksgiving is bothering me so much. I have not spent Thanksgiving with my mom for at least 6 years. She lived in Phoenix and I moved to Ohio.

Maybe it is knowing that her birthday is just around the corner and the fact that Christmas is not far behind.

Mom was out here last Dec. for my college graduation and we went Christmas shopping together while she was here. I remember getting after her because she was spending too much money on silly things like singing Christmas trees and goofy ornaments. She always loved those crazy things!

I’m trying really hard not to cry in front of my kids (teens) because I don’t want to make them uncomfortable or worry that their mom is losing it. Yet, we go to the store and the tears just come.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fall to the floor and blubber, but an occasional tear will find its way down my cheek.

My family that is still around, dad (he and mom were divorced for 20 yrs) and my brothers all suck. Since my parents divorced we have not been close. Mom was my only family and she loved me through thick and thin.

I know she is with me now, but “I want my mommy!” Want to hear her laugh and watch our bellies jiggle like bowls full of jelly when we laugh together. I want to hug her and tell her I love her one more time. I want to be able to make it through the holidays with out being a basket case.

I’m sorry to come here to whine. I appreciate all who have read this and wish you peace and happiness in the weeks to come. Thank you for letting me cry. I do feel a little bit better.

Kristi

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Amber Said:

on November 16, 2007 at 11:21 am

I too wrote “I miss my mom” tonight. I lost my mom to brain cancer 2 years ago. She was a beautiful, vibrant, amazing 55 year old grandma to my beautiful children. She was my best friend and my hero. I am up tonight… like many nights… crying and missing her. I would give anything to call her, to touch her, to smell her, to feel her arms around me. Still when I close my eyes and think of her I can “feel” her. My son learned to ride his bike today… my first thought was to pick up the phone to tell her… she would have loved to celebrate those silly moments with me… I am sobbing as i write this. I just wonder when it will stop hurting so much. I still wonder how I am suppose to live my whole life without her in it. God I miss you mom!

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Kristi Said:

on November 17, 2007 at 5:15 pm

Amber,

Your mom was very young! My mom was 67 when she passed and was very close to my 2 children as well. As I mentioned in a previous post the kids and I lived with her from the time they were babies until they were about 5 & 7.

I know what you mean about wanting to call your mom to share the milestones your kids make. My daughter is a senior in high school this year and it hurts so much to not have her here to share in this exciting time in my daughter’s life.

My heart goes out to you and your family and I send you a <<<>>>.

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missalexxx Said:

on November 18, 2007 at 10:02 am

My mom was like 35 when she passed. I want to cry a lot too when I have important things happen in my life. She wasn’t here to see my graduate highschool, she won’t be here to see my graduate college, she won’t be there at my wedding and she won’t be there when i have babies. It’s a hard thing to accept. I still cry about it all the time and I lost my mom 11 years ago.

THanks to everyone for commenting so much on this. I never thought it would have such an impact on so many people.

My heart goes out to all of you as well. Feel free to comment as much as you want, I enjoy reading them.

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Karen Said:

on November 28, 2007 at 4:01 pm

I hate my life. Everything is a challange without my mom. I have completely lost my identity. I can’t make a decision. I have a hard time concentrating. I don’t sleep well. And the worst part is……..I don’t feel safe anymore which makes me so vulnerable everywhere I go that I have a hard time being social. I don’t want to talk to anyone because I am so tired of explaining all this to people. They don’t get it anyway. I recently was let go of my job too and am trying to get a new one but the economy is so bad here in Detroit. Everything just sucks so bad and it exhausts me to be this way. I can’t seem to get any relief of this grieving process. I feel like it’s completely destroyed my inner spirit and I will never find my way. I have completely shut everyone out of my life. I don’t answer my phone barely and I get nervous just going to the grocery store. It will be 1 year Feb. 4th 2008 that my mom will be gone. I am really trying to be patient with myself. I can’t help the way I feel or how I have been. I really can’t stand watching my life pass me by while I grieve. I am 35 and just want to feel good and live like a normal person. Someone please shed some light for me and tell me that I am not the only one experiencing this.

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kristi Said:

on December 8, 2007 at 1:35 am

Karen,

Losing your mom does take away that security that everything will be ok since she is around. However, it sounds like this is really taking a toll on you. Maybe you should look into talk to someone to help you make way the healing process.

There is not set time frame for how long you should grieve the loss of a loved one, but if you are experiencing such severe feelings of anxiety, sadness and lack of hope it could be more than just the loss of your mom.

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is rough.

My mom passed March 2, 2007.

Take care of your self and KIT

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James Said:

on December 9, 2007 at 4:09 pm

Hi, I also got her by googling “I miss my mom” and I think this website was just what I needed. Both my parents passed within a month of each other. My mothers was a terrible death from cancer. I had moved in to take care of both parents, and went through all the pain, confusion, indignities, and suffering that came with the diseases. I administered the morphine which, depending on how you look at it, either made my mothers death a peaceful experience or could have been what killed her. I live every day remembering things like the day I had my mother ask me what will happen to her (how will the disease progress, how she will die, and what will happen after), the day she and I cried together when she finally admitted that she will die soon, and the days spent giving the morphine. My parents were the greatest, and I had a wonderful childhood. I loved them both as friends and parents, and miss them every day.

Now I live each day knowing they are gone, but not thinking they are in heaven watching. They are just gone, not waiting or watching…just gone. What gets me through each day is what they left me…everything they showed and taugh me about myself, family and life. I was so lucky to have known them, and to have learned from them. I think about them every day, and still cry about their leaving, but I continue on.

To those that believe the are in heaven, I hope they are…and if so, they will continue to watch over you until you join them again. To those that do not believe, they were a gift from a higher source…a love and a light that left something inside you to carry forth. Either way, there was and is a love that can never be broken.

Thanks for the stories, it helps to come here when I am feeling sad. I wish I could hug all of you.

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Kristi Said:

on December 23, 2007 at 3:35 am

James,

I am sorry to read of the difficult task you took on when you mom needed you most. That is wonderful that you could be there for her. My heart goes out to you.

I hope this holiday season is filled with many happy memories of your parents.

Kristi

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Donna Said:

on December 24, 2007 at 1:00 am

Oh sweetie, I miss my Mom as well. She died 2001. Here it is christmas season 2007, and i was crying and i googled miss my mom and here I am.
My Mom was marilyn monroe beautiful and sadly taken advantage of by men most of her life. My mom inwardly was a lot like I love lucy and was taught to be dependant on men. Today thankfully women can have careers and not so dependant on men.
How I wish i could pick up the phone and just talk to her as i used to do. It is so gut wrenching for me thru the holidays that she always made so special for us.
Ideas i have kicked around to make mu Mom a part of the holidays

put her photo on a white holiday candle to burn on christmas day

put a framed photo of her on the sweets buffet.

my mom was Helen Elizabeth Kline Williams born september 4th 1931

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shari Said:

on January 17, 2008 at 5:15 pm

i think your blog was great. i lost my mom 3 months ago and want to know if i can use excerpts from your blog at my moms service.

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missalexxx Said:

on January 18, 2008 at 3:59 am

feel free to use whatever you want shari im glad you liked my blog.

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kathy Said:

on February 13, 2008 at 8:03 pm

how do i deal with the lost of my mom last year july 2007.I have my Best frien and when i talk about my mom she listend but she said she get upset with me talking about my mom all the time.I love my mom & I miss my mom very much

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Kait Said:

on February 18, 2008 at 6:39 pm

It seems as if I can relate to pretty much all of this, I understand when you don’t want people to feel sorry for you, and that you don’t mind talking about her, and when others say they hate their parents since my mother passed away I have had all of the same thoughts. I personally like talking about my mom, where as the rest of my family, never seems to say anything. I feel as if though all of us that have lost that amazing mother in our lifes, have a very special bond in just understanding each other and all of our thoughts.

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Cathy Said:

on March 17, 2008 at 1:13 am

I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer on July 27,2007. We found out that she had cancer May 1st of 2007. It was like a landslide of doctors and bad news. When the doctors finally stated that they’d have to stop the chemo – I walked into my mom’s room, and she smiled at me. I sat down on her bed and hugged her. I told her that she was going to see her mom, and my dad soon. I told her that I’d miss her. She told me that she’d be waiting for me. I too googled I miss my mom – and it’s good to know that i’m not alone. My mom was an intelligent, beautiful and courageous woman – she was my best friend. I’ll miss her always.

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Rachel Said:

on March 17, 2008 at 6:58 am

i’m 37…. found out feb 20, 2008 that my mom has a glioblastoma malforme 4 brain tumor that is large, inoperable and spreading. a month prior to that it seems all was fine and normal. After 2 radiation treatments we decided not to prolong the misery. there is NOTHING we can do to stop it, shrink it or eliminate it. We brought her home and hospice is coming in. they say it can be a matter of weeks to 6 months. she turned 65 march 14. I spend all my available time with her, and cant even begin to imagine my life without her. I am grateful of the wonderful mother/daughter relationship /friendship we shared throughout the years.
I am devastated. I have accepted it, however when it happens i am afraid the pain of reality will be inbearable. Mom was my strength & pillar of salt…….now i have to be all that for her. I don’t mind at all. but watching her die is undoubtedly the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

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Cathy Said:

on March 17, 2008 at 6:13 pm

Hey Rachel, I’m 37 as well. I can tell you that I know exactly what you are going through right now. I walked with my mom, down her last path here on this earth. It is devastatingly difficult….I remember trying to think of questions which I wanted to ask her before she went to heaven!! Of course I think of things every day now which I’d like to ask her and talk to her about. I just know that she is with me in my heart, she’s a part of me. She would want me to go on and be happy…although some days that’s simply impossible.

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Robin Said:

on March 21, 2008 at 4:44 am

On October 24th 1997 all my family got together at my sister-in-laws house for my niece Amy’s 4th birthday party. My mom & dad asked us all to come back to their house afterwards – they had something they wanted to talk to us about. They were in Amway at the time and I thought oh no – they want to talk to us about Amway. They told us that my mom had lung cancer. (I wished with all my heart that it had been about Amway) I was devistated. We all were. I went with her on her next doctors appt. and when she left the room, my dad & I asked him about treatment and he said she could take it but it would only give her a little more time and make her really sick. Without it she would may have about 6 months. That was so hard to hear. I was so scared. She decided she didn’t want the treatment. None of us tried to persuade her to do otherwise even though I sometimes wish I would have because I wanted her here as long as I could. I wanted her to know that too. I’m married and my little boy was only 2 1/2 years old at the time. He loved his grandma very much. She would come over and spend a few days with us and watch him while we were at work. She loved it and so did he. He would cry when she went home. I wanted to spend more time with her doing things she likes. I took her to bingo one evening. I never cared for it but she loved it. I found out that night that she likes jalapenos. I never knew -I always thought she hated them. I know that sounds like something so small maybe and insignificant but it meant a lot to have found out something I never knew about her. I went to visit her here and there but not like I should have. I started fearing that I would see her so sick & fragile and thought “out of sight – out of mind” – that I would some how forget she has it and everything would be okay. That sounds so stupid now. Why did I ever think that way?! I wish I would have spent every moment I could with her. Anyway, I called her & told her that I wanted to take her to have her hair done. She was excited about that. But when I got to her house to pick her up, she was in a lot of pain. I woke my dad up (he worked nights and was sleeping in) and told him that we needed to call an ambulance. That was on Saturday. She was admitted into the hospital and then sent home with hospice on Wednesday. She passed away a few days later on that following Saturday, December 13th 1997. It has been 10 years now and I think about her everyday. My son doesn’t remember her but I’m always telling him how much they admired each other. Also, how very sweet of a lady she was. I have been missing her so much lately. I pray for my family and still always include her. I tell Jesus that I wish I could have one more week with her. I still want to take her to have her hair done. I want to take her to bingo and anywhere else she wants to go. I want to hug her (she was so soft and gentle – like a mom should be) I want her to know how much I regret not spending more time with her before and after she was sick. I want her to tell me more stories of her life and for her to know how important these things – big & small -are to me because they are about her. I’m sure He tells her this. She was so special and the most wonderful, sweet mother and grandmother there ever was. I love you mom.

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Rachel Said:

on March 31, 2008 at 1:30 am

This past week my mom has changed. Sleeping all the time, not wanting to eat or drink. She is very weak and her legs are like noodles at times. I still see her every day and sometimes lay in bed with her, holding her hand.

Watching her deteriorate before my eyes is awful.

I already miss her.

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Kristi Said:

on April 2, 2008 at 3:12 am

Rachel,

My heart breaks for you at this very moment. You are doing a wonderful thing by being there for your mom, loving her and comforting her. Keep doing what you are doing and know that we are here for you.

Kristi

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Wendi Said:

on April 25, 2008 at 2:11 am

I also found this from googling “i miss my mom” It’s almost been a year since we lost her to brain cancer. She was so brave and fought for 7 years. I was alone with her at home when she died and it was very peaceful. But i just really want her back and healthy. I’ve never felt grief like this–even my bones hurt. Especially now that I’m pregnant with my first child–who is due on my mom’s birthday! I just wish she would call me (she couldn’t talk for her last year alive). I miss you mom.

It is nice to see that there are others out there…somehow that helps. Cheers to all of our brave moms.

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Reneetheneohippy Said:

on June 11, 2008 at 9:57 pm

Hi, I too was googling, “miss my mom”.
I’m 27 and my mom died from kidney cancer a year ago this month. I thought I was doing ok. Then, this weekend, I had a panic attack. I hyperventilated and almost passed out. I have been the ’strong’ one in my family my whole life and it’s starting to catch up with me. I didn’t take time to realize how upset I still am. My mom struggled for nine months and the cancer ate her up. She underwent surgery where the Dr’s removed a football sized lump and dead kidney. The tumor had grown into her inferior vena cava and had to be cut and milked away from her heart. When they cut the tumor a few cancer cells spilled into her abdomen. To prevent the growth of any more tumors she went to radiation weekly and took oral chemo. After three months she felt a lump at the site of the incision. She told her Dr but he decided it was probably scar tissue and told her to keep an eye on it but not to be concerned. I was moving and we (me, hubby +2 kids) stayed in an RV at her house for about a month. We grew very close and I am grateful for that time. She really bonded with the kids, too. In March her six month check up was due. They checked to see if the cancer was in remission but found that it had come back with force. She had three lumps in one lung and two in the other. That little lump of “scar tissue” had developed internally all along the scar and was starting to swell. The chemo she had just finished had done nothing but cause her discomfort and nosebleeds. So she started an intra venous chemo. She got really sick then. Her energy level dropped dramatically, it was like she had the worst kind of flu. She couldn’t eat… nothing would stay down. She couldn’t drink anything but water… and only sips. I was living in my new house but went, every week, to be with her all day Tues and Thurs. She deteriorated so fast. In march she spent a week in the hosp and went home even more drained. Late May she went back to the hosp b/c she had bad pain a nosebleed that wouldn’t quit. They kept her for a week and she lost all strength. She was too week to go home so went to a rehab center for another week. They put her on the iv food bags and she kept getting worse. Her sister came back to town and told her that she had to make the decision. To decide what was right for her. To keep fighting if she wanted too… to make the decision for herself not for what she thought anyone else wanted. Mom went to her next dr’s appt at the end of that week and he readmitted her to the hosp. Mom had the iv food removed and stopped chemo the next day. She went into a drug induces coma shortly thereafter. She died in the hospital, days later. I held her while she took her last breaths. I spoke gently and told her it was ok and that we would all take care of each other. Then I hid all my emotions as well as I could and went into the hall to tell everyone she was gone. I was strong for everyone else and didn’t let it all out. It was 11:48 the day before Father’s Day. The last thing she said to me was, “I love you too.” God I miss my mom and I’m still angry. I’ve yet to deal with these things and now my body is rebelling. Three years ago my maternal grandmother died. She had heart problems and died at night in her bed at home. I had lived with her when I was a teenager and she was like a mom to me. I had just transferred those feelings back to my mom when she died. I feel completely motherless and have never had a caring father. My mom remarried a year after I got married so my step dad and I are not close. And the kicker is… I feel guilty grieving with my family. I feel like I should be their support… I am the new matriarch.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. They are helping me down a new road of grief and self discovery. I can open up and not feel guilty!
Thank you so much!
Reneetheneohippy

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Kristi Said:

on June 11, 2008 at 10:21 pm

Renee,

So sorry to hear of all the pain and suffering your mom had to go through!

You have been such a keystone to your family, but you need to make sure to take the time to grieve or it will take its toll on you and possibly spill over to your family.

Just remember what your aunt told your mom “do what is right for you”. That applies to you and your situation as well.

There are no rules to grieving and we all go at our own pace.

Losing your mom and grandmother so close to one another is rough. I’m sending a hug your way.

Hope you don’t think I’m lecturing, just responding to what you shared. Best of luck to you!
Kristi

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reneetheneohippy Said:

on June 11, 2008 at 10:33 pm

Thanks Kristi!
And you’re right… I just have to remember it!

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Panic Attack « Reneetheneohippy’s Weblog Said:

on June 11, 2008 at 10:38 pm

[...] I know what caused the attack. And I googled, “I miss my mom” which led me to this awesome blog that made me cry and cry. Posted in social disorders | Tagged grief, miss my mom, panic attack, [...]

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Abigail Said:

on August 26, 2008 at 1:48 pm

My mother and I are both Scorpios. If you know anything about astrology (or believe in it), you’ll understand why my teenage/her menopause years were difficult. I think I spent so much time daydreaming about how when “I grow up…” that I never really truly understood all emotions I was pushing away. I feel guilty for all the times I yelled at her and I didn’t care because I always thought, well, she was my mom, she’ll always be there.
Last year my mother found out she has tumors on her lungs. After going through treatment for both ovarian and colon cancer, she turned to me and said “I am just so tired.”
My sister lives in WA and is due in a month to have the first male born into our family in 73 years. My mother left yesterday to stay for ‘just a few months’ and I am so happy, because all she has ever wanted in return for raising us is a little grand baby. But I also am extremely sad, wondering just how many months, years, ect. I will have with her. I was cleaning her room out to rent it while she’s gone, and I started crying because I felt like I was ruining something holy, like I was burying her before she’s even gone. And I know that is silly, and extremely selfish. I know that I should be greatful that I still have her, and tomorrow I will be. But today I am just very scared, because just getting a taste of the house being quiet, and not asking “what do you want from the store?”..
I spent so much time daydreaming about when I grow up, but now that I’m growing up I just want to hold her, and never let her go. I don’t believe in god, I believe in my mother. I believe in her stories, and her morals. I believe everything she’s taught me and taken it all to heart. She might not have always been the best mother but she tried, and that means so much. I feel so bad that I forgot she was human, that I was too young to realize just how much she had been through and somehow made it out still positive.
Sometimes the world is so big, and so scary, and you realize that people push off other’s emotions. TV news about death used to bring tears, and now most people are numb to it. And I think the hardest part is knowing that one day my mother will die and the world will still turn. And the whole world won’t grieve, it won’t even know.
I know I have so much more to look forward to with my mother, and please do not feel that I am wasting my time by being afraid. I am not usually like this, I’m a very upbeat person. I’ve just realized that I’ve been so positive for my mother for so long that when she is gone I don’t know how to be positive for myself.
And that is why I needed to write this, because I just needed to get it out so that I can admit to someone that I Am Scared, And I Miss My Mom. And that is why I googled “I miss my mom” and found this amazing thread that just started with one person typing those same words. Thank you so much for giving me the strength to focus on what I still have.

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stevemtz Said:

on September 3, 2008 at 3:14 am

I am a 37 year old guy from new mexico and my mom died three weeks ago. I am still in a daze, and don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. I thought that at my age I would have the strength to deal with anything that came my way but watching my mom take her last breaths was more than I could bear. One of the earlier posts that mentioned waking up the day after knowing that she wasn’t there anymore was really difficult to read. I have two younger brothers who are twins, less than a month away from their 21st birthdays and they have begun to lean on me for anything from how to tie a necktie to how to do their own laundry, and I am happy that I can at least take over for my mother in the respect. She can never be replaced and I will see her again someday. I love you mom.

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mandy Said:

on September 8, 2008 at 6:34 am

nice to know i am not the only crazy who goggles i miss my mom.One thing i miss the most is not being able to call anyone “mom”

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Asha Said:

on September 22, 2008 at 7:36 am

Hi! Googled on the topic “I miss my MOM”.. & was happy that had many to check on.Have read all the comments/posts but the fact still remains “Miss my Mom”… I’m 29 & lost my mom this June 11th.. It was just a year and half after she was diagonised for Endometrical carcinoma & non-hodgkins Lymphoma. she was just 54 when she died. And every single day to pass is so difficult cos’ you can’t express what you are going thru to have lost MOM… and it’s only who has lost can understand the trauma. Being the strongest in the family , I had to console dad & sister on the loss.. believe me, its not easy to hold back those tears which are a instant relief for those moments. Every morning it leaves me shaken thinking about the fact that she is no more, no one to call Mom, no phone calls, no shopping & gossiping. Spoke to dad about an hour back & he was crying & telling me how much he misses her.. every corner in the house reminds him of her memories.
Thanks for having a blog on this, it really helped me share few things. Its definetely not enough to write everything but atleast help me to convey few lines.
My colleague told that it would help me if I could write down about this as I could not cry & have been holding my tears & it did I must say!

Today is “Rose day” & it says a day for “Tribute to Cancer Patients”…. I Pray god to have this disease/illness taken away from earth.

I Love you MOM!

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Heidi Said:

on October 1, 2008 at 8:30 pm

I miss my Mom too.

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henry Said:

on October 6, 2008 at 9:58 pm

I feel you man. I wish you had ur mom brother, I’d die any die for my mom

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Erin Said:

on October 9, 2008 at 1:09 am

I miss my mom too. I find myself seeking solice in these website and as stated in earlier postings just someone to listen. She passed away this past March after a long battle with a pneumonia, its funny cause I remember asking her where she wanted her urn to be, and she couldnt talk because she had a Trach tube in, so she mouthed the words “with you”, so she has a special place on the mantle in my livingroon, watching over my family including her precious two year old grandson. I think I lost my mom long before she passed away, she had MD and was sick for a very long time before the pneumonia, and I was left to care for her. I spent so much of the later years hating her for needing me so much…it sounds awful I know, but I called everyday and faithfully twice a week sucked up my pride and went to visit her smiles and everything. They say you never really knew what you had until it is gone. Its so true. I dealt with her passing fairly easy at first but lately it hurts soo bad, its like this big hole has finally found itself in my heart and I am not sure how to deal with it. My husband I am sure is tired of hearing me say “I miss my mom”, has anyone sought help with their greiving process? All I have is my sister and my husband and I feel like I have to maintain this strong front with both of them, but I just want to cry and scream. It doesn’t help that my dad is not around, he has taken up solice with his “girlfirend” who used to harass my mom with torturous phone calls while she was still here, he doesnt call or come around so esentially I have lost both my parents. Everyday I think I am going to lose it and I don’t has anyone else gone through this??

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Ben Said:

on October 22, 2008 at 2:35 am

I miss my mom so much. I cared for my dad when he was dying of cancer. He passed in 1994 and I was the sole caregiver for my mom until she died in May of this year. she was such a proud woman and had her mind to the very end. God, I miss her so much. I know I need help – I can’t let her go – I drink way too much these days and I know it’s so I can try and ease the pain of not haivng her here……….. I

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Coco Said:

on October 26, 2008 at 3:23 am

I found this site with the google entry “i miss my mother she died of breast cancer I need someone to talk to who understands” literally. I have been in search of some type of forum online or in real life that can provide a vessel for me to let out my feelings and thoughts. Thank God for the strength of the thousands of people who have lost their loved ones from a deadly disease. I never knew that I would be able to even still be alive since she passed away let alone live a daily life of working, school or even running errands. She was ofcourse my rock, and for lack of a better term-my best friend in the whole world, not to mention the only one I was able to talk to-really talk. Im just reaching out, because none of my friends really give me the sense of true understanding and ….that’s all, thankyou for your posting and for being a survivor.

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Julie Said:

on November 4, 2008 at 7:44 pm

I, like many others who’ve commented, googled ‘I miss my mom’ and arrived here. My mom passed away Aug. 29th 2008, due to injuries sustained from a fall. If nothing else, it’s very comforting to know that others empathize. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

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Johnny Said:

on November 8, 2008 at 10:48 pm

I googled i miss my mom too and came to this site and im 20yrs old Im a junior in college and today is the day that my mom passed away 4 yrs ago. I love to hear stories about my mom from her friends. i love to think about all the times when it was just me and her. “I would do anything to see my mom one more time. Just to talk to her, just to touch her. But I know she is watching over me, taking care of me still. I feel her every day. I know she is there. But it’s hard. Really hard. I know I’ll see her again one day.” I say that everyday

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marisol Said:

on November 11, 2008 at 2:26 am

I miss my mom dearly, its only been 3 months and it feels like a part of me has shutdown,I thank god everyday for having 2 beautiful kids and a wonderful husband who supports me in everything.I wish mom was here to hold me and kiss me and give us her blessings.I miss my mom oh so much if I had 1 wish that will be getting my mom back, I need her she is my rock,I feel nothing without her here,I just wish I could turn back time.my mom passed away 8/5/08.Thoughts of ma mom will always dance upon my soul,she was the best.

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Mary Said:

on November 23, 2008 at 3:21 am

My Mom passed away on October 2nd. I miss her every day. My Dad has alzheimers and I’m dealing with his heartbreak and inability to accept that his wife of 63 years is gone. It’s hard, and no one wants to acknowledge that you can hurt this badly even if you are 50.
My Mom was also my best friend. I was with her until her last breath and I cherish the fact that I was able to be with her at the end.
Still, it makes you feel like you are 2 again and being left alone for the first time.
I hope that it gets better, but I still miss her every moment of every day.l

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Dale Said:

on December 8, 2008 at 8:06 pm

I typed “I miss my mom” in the google bar and it brought me here.

It’s been 3 years, but now my fiancee’s mother just passed away, and it’s all rushing back on me.

For whatever reason, your blog is making me feel a little bit better today.

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Mike Said:

on December 16, 2008 at 2:34 pm

I typed “missing my mam”, and found you guys here, my mam passed away 11th December 2008, the funeral is yet to come on the 18th, she died whilst in hospital as i held her hand, Im a male, 40 years old, and like a big kid, I have lived with her all my life apart from a year, in the latter part of her life, she became very old and very frail, and i recall her sobbing saying she was sick of feeling so ill, her loss has broken me, and im lost, this site is beautiful, thank you everyone who has posted and specially missalexxx, you have created a warm safe place on the internet for us all who miss our mums

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Penny Said:

on December 17, 2008 at 2:35 am

My mom has not passed away yet, but she is in the final stages of alzheimers. I am so sad, my mom & I did everything together. It breaks my heart to go to the nursing home to see her all slumped over in the chair. I can’t stop crying, it has been a year since she has been there & it hasn’t gotten any easier for me. I am an only child so no one understands my sadness. I pray everyday for her to get better but I know she won’t, I miss her so much it hurts. My life is not the same anymore I use to like Christmas but every holiday is sad for me & I don’t even want to celebrate anything. Thanks for listening

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Kristen Said:

on December 18, 2008 at 7:00 am

Like so many others, I googled “I miss my mom” and found this blog. I lost my mom on August 27, 2008 and am having the hardest time of my life about it. I’m 21 years old and my mom was only 47 years old. She was the most amazing person ever… she was so full of life and just crazy and wild and funny and sweet and all these things all rolled into one. She was always making life hectic and calling me several times a day when I was at school and when I was home on my breaks, we spent so much time together. I’m hearing impaired, and my mom spent my whole life being an advocate for me, and I believe that’s one of the reasons we were so close. Everyday, almost all day and all night long, I think about her. She was my angel on earth and now she’s my angel in heaven. I just can’t get over her death because I truly believed that she would outlive me. Unfortunately, this summer, she was diagnosed with leukemia. It took my mom, and it took her fast. She had random symptoms all summer long, but nothing that we would attribute to cancer. Eventually, the symptoms kept coming and she was in so much pain, she forced herself to go to the doctor — that was a Saturday morning. On Monday night, the doctors told her she had leukemia and that she would be fine after she started chemo. On Tuesday night, I received the call from my aunt that my mom was in the ICU. We didn’t know what was going on or how serious it was. By the time I made it to the hospital, my dad had to tell me that my mom was going to die that night. She was unconscious at this point, but the nurses told me she could still hear me. First, I begged her not to leave me. Then, I begged her to take me with her if she was going to leave me. Finally, realizing that she was not coming back to us — no miracle would be granted — I begged her to hold on so that my brothers could come and say goodbye to her. My younger brother was at my grandparents house, a half hour away. He arrived at the hospital around 2 a.m. My older brother was 4 hours away, and my mom managed to hold on until he got there. Fifteen minutes after he got there and said his goodbyes, the nurses told us they couldn’t keep her alive any longer on the machines because her oxygen level had dropped too low. That amazing woman stayed alive long enough for my brother to come say goodbye to her because she knew the guilt would kill him as well. And now, it’s been almost 4 months since my mommy has passed away. It’s supposed to get easier, but it hasn’t. My mom was my best friend, and the pain of living without her is too enormous for me. I talk to her everyday and ask her to get a favor from God and bring me up to Heaven with her. I guess she doesn’t want to do that just yet… but I wish I could at least gather the strength to feel like life is worth living without her. I have a large family, but no one had a relationship like what I had with my mother. I’m so glad I found this blog because now I see that I’m not the only one living with this pain and feeling these emotions. I would never wish this upon anyone, not even my worst enemy, but knowing that people know how I feel makes it an easier road to travel without my mommy.

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missalexxx Said:

on December 18, 2008 at 1:59 pm

Dear Kristen,

My boyfriend Kyle actually just went through something very similar to you. He and I are both 21 as well and he just lost his father (with whom he had a very close relationship with, like you and your mother) to leukemia. They told him that they caught it early and he would have to go through chemo, etc. He had multiple chemo treatments, a bone marrow transplant, and finally, he started to get better. Then one day he just got really sick again, and a week later, past away. In his dad’s final hours, he waited for Kyle’s brother to get there, and once all his children were there, he just let go. Kyle is still really struggling with the loss of his father, so I know what you’re going through. My mother died when I was 9 and I still feel the way you do sometimes. It’s going to be hard but you’ll get through it. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me. aw1997@wayne.edu

I’m really glad everyone likes this entry and this site. Please keep posting your stories and your feelings. We’ll all help each other through these hard times!

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Betsi Said:

on December 24, 2008 at 5:09 am

12/23/08-I also googled”I miss my mom” and found all these touching stories of “moms”. I lost my mom 5/15/04. I can hardly bear Christmas since she passed away. I always just want Christmas to get here and leave. Strange because I used to love Christmas when she was alive. She made Christmas so wonderful! Today I went to lunch with a friend and there was a lady in the restaurant who was wearing my mothers perfume! I caught that smell and have been aching for her ever since. I always remember the line in the movie “you’ve got mail” where Meg Ryan says “I’m missing my mother so much I can barely breathe”. Thats how I feel. It truly never goes away.. that ache for one’s deceased mother. Life is much duller and the bright shiny Christmas love will never be the same. I try to make it happy for my daughters, but deep inside.. every Christmas (and every other day of the year!) I feel so lonely for her. I want her back! She left too soon!

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Alex Said:

on December 30, 2008 at 3:49 am

I just lost my mom too on December 15th – she told me if she ever went in the hospital again she would die. I took her in one night cause I thought she was having a stroke she was 82. They said she had an overdose on what is called the “Patch” it is a drug for pain. She had foot pain from neuroprathy. she died after 2 weeks from MRSA – so being in the hospital had litterally caused her death – and I took her there – she got so confused in the hospital and called me on my cell phone and would forget that I had been there and wanted me to take her home..but she was so incoherant they tried to detox her but they didn’t seem to know how. I feel like they made mistakes, I feel like I made mistakes – I really miss her, her call was on my anwering machine today,her voice was cloudy and confused and she wanted me to come an get her – she needed me and I couldn’t be there the whole time. Cause I work – she died after 2 weeks in the hospital – from the day she went in she just got worse and worse – I feel so guilty – I miss her so much – I want to turn back the hands of time – she was the best person to talk to about – politics, and how to clean things, and healty foods – and I really really miss that – I did get to have her all those years. but like someone else said you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone…I really really feel I could have done something different so that she would not be gone today..I went over to her house today, that we have to sell – all her stuff was around me and it made me miss her so bad. I worry that my daughter will feel this way some day, and I wish she wouldn’t have to – thank you all for sharing, I will come back here to cry with you all when I feel alone.

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Chris Said:

on January 9, 2009 at 4:17 am

Like a lot of other people I found my way to this site by google.I lost my mom july 25 2007 at 530pm.It is still very hard for me.I was the only child and the only grandchild on my moms side of the family.I am married and have two little girls(kaylie and emma).I don’t know where to start,but to say I miss my mom so bad.Mom passed away of cancer.In march mom sat me down and told myself and my dad what she wanted when she passed away,that was the hardest talk that I have had in my life.I am very happy that we had that talk because we were able to do everything that mom wanted.One thing that was very important to mom is she did not want to pass away at the hospital,she wanted to pass at home.When the doctor told us there was nothing else that they could do,we took my mom home.Mom lived for a week and a half after we got home.When mom passed she was surrounded by our whole family,and we have a very big family.I was holding one hand and my dad was holding the other.My mom was only 59 when she died.I also want to add that my mom and my dad was married for 42 years.I have many great times with my mom.Some of the good times that I remember is I played highschool and college football,and when i would look into the stands where my mom and dad was at mom would always have a very proud look on her face.Mom and dad never missed a game(4 years of highschool and 4 years of college).But my mom loved my girls above everything else.She was so happy when we had Kaylie our first girl.She even retired from her job early so she could spend more time with her.Emma was born on oct the 4,mom found out that sept that she had cancer.The whole time that emma has been alive mom was sick.But some of my moms last words was that she loved them more than anything in this world.My dad and myself where going thru so of my moms personal things and we found a note that mom had wrote to Kaylie.In the note it says that when the sun is shining down on her that it is grandmaw kissing her from heaven.I had that framed and it is hung on Kaylies bedroom wall.There is a lot more that I would like to say but I will stop.

If anyone would read this and would ever need anyone to talk to please email me at pauley66@hotmail.com

Mom I love you!

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Anna Said:

on January 16, 2009 at 12:38 pm

wow, this is so beautiful. I am 20 years old and I too lost my mom at the end of October. She was only 51 years old. I remember when we would go for chemo every week, she’s get asked when she was born and she’s always say first the day then month then year (fifty-seven) and smile, or once or twice she even said “ooo, I forgot and would laugh” and so would the nurses. I member one time I said “ma, don;t say that” O well. She always had so much optimism, I mean sometimes when I had my period I felt bad and mommy would say take a tablet, curl up in bed and try to not think about it and fall asleep. What’s weird though is that after she died I sort seem like immune to the cold, immune to pain ( cuz my always painful period isn’t painful anymore) which is good I guess but kinda odd. Anyways I always think about her. My college even kicked me out cuz I stopped going for some time and now it’s too late, but I hope to go back. Yah so today I made myself a little treat and went shopping (clothes) but first I went for a chinese massage which helped. So after that I went shopping at the mall and I bought nice brown point zero paints and its cool n odd cuz I remember when mommy was alive I’d tell her I need a new pair of pants and mommy would say kay maybe you can buy corderoys I think it is cuz I told her most jeans are too skinny or whatver and today I went in and I skimmed the pants real fast and a found a brown pair of corderoys and I tried em on at home and their perfect and they were only $30 bucks too. Newayz I also bought some other intimate stuff , and cappucinno’s and candles and mittens. yah, o and I can really relate to the girl that said that she doesn’t answer phone calls or do much. I don’t want to tall to people and explain what I’m doing especially sinece I’m out of school n stuff . Also no one I know has gone through this(all my cousins have either both parents or one parent( which is the mom) and their own family. My dad was an absent dad all my life and I just can’t find the strength to talk to him because everytime I do it makes me really nerved and I cry and my blood pressure soars… . Also i can relate to alot. My mommy also died in the hospital(she was there for three weeks) and I remeber on the first week a group of young nurses doing their placement at the hospital wanted to look at my mom because she had a tube in her back since she had blood in her lungs (she had multiple myeloma cancer) that’s cancer of the blood, anyways I was really angry at them but mom sais they can look and mom said when they left, “See even they feel sorry for me and I saw some of them cry” my mom was real emotional but she was never afraid to show her feelings. She was so open and told even people she just met of what wa son her mind and I’m wondering now if I am becoming more or less? like Her now. Well her name was Jenny and she was my angel on earth and now I really see what an angel she was and my whole life from my birth has flashed before my eyes and I see who I really had , all the games we played come back to me, the stories she read, the encouragement, the shoulder to cry on, all the times she jumped in the water to save me (Inearly drowned a couple of times), all the times she made me laugh(even if she didn;t mean to), all her smiles , her beautiful blue eyes, her beautiful soft smile. So many people even at the hospital would tell me or my momy that she is pretty. I was such a fool for telling my mommy when I was mad that I’ll just go back to my dad, I mean how could I say that? and plus how would/could I do that?
Now I hate him even more.
I just wish my mommy knew that I’m writing this but justing writing all this reminds me of her with me or me talking to her inreal life when she was here and I really get the courage to write from dep down from the heart just as momma always spoke and taught me to, I beleive. Wow I didn’t sleep the whole night and I wnat ot go to the cemetary because it helps me feel peace and stuff.
p.s – I was wondering which country are most of you from. I guess its the Usa. Tht’s cool. I am from North America as well. Well take care and my email is tynarulez@hotmail.com so you can add me on msn or just send me an email(thats’s even better actually) o and I also know a bereavement counsellor from the funeral home and she also lost parents at real young age. Newayz please keep your head up high. Now I need to start choosing a tombstone which is really hard since it just sort finalizes mommy’s death but o well . O an my granny died in 2005. .

-Tina-

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Ann Said:

on February 15, 2009 at 4:28 am

Thank you all for your posts. I lost my mother last September and I feel like it will never get easier. I miss just calling her to tell her my cat was getting on my nerves. I miss everything about her. All of your posts do, however, make me feel a little less alone, so thank you all!

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Jess Said:

on February 16, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Hello! I am 20 years old. My mom lives far from us due to her job. I only see her twice a month, during the week-ends only. Recently, I have been experiencing symptoms of depression, without her knowing. I am very good when it comes to hiding my emotions, and I don’t want her to tell her problems when she comes home. I miss her terribly too. I do not have someone to tell my problems and to cry to. I want to hug her and let her stroke my hair. Miss her badly.

Prayers for your mom xoxo

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chris Said:

on February 17, 2009 at 2:40 am

I had my 1st post here back on 1/9/09.I just wanted to stop in and say today would have been my moms 60th birthday.happy birthday mom we miss you very much.I love you.

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kelly Said:

on February 21, 2009 at 9:24 am

hi, my name is kelly & i’m 20 years old.
my mom died last month. jan 15th.
it was very unexpected.
she was only 42.
i miss my mom so much.
i miss her more everyday.

i was just looking for someone who might understand and i found your webiste. it’s nice to know that someone out there is going through the same issues that i am.

thank you for writing this.

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MONICA Said:

on March 10, 2009 at 12:48 am

BETSI, i know how you feel I lost my mom 5 days after christmas 2007, car accident she flew out door broke her neck. But Christmas was always my favorite EVER!! but now that she’s gone I hate the day after Thanksgiving, I get so angry when I hear Christmas music its like uggggh!!! But deep down I know why its because my mommy will never come over to my house and cook her sweet potatos and green bean casserole!! She was 58 yrs old and I 37 at the time I was so freakin angry that God took her that way I never got to say my last GoodBYe, she never knew what that day had in store, its been 31/2 yrs now and Im still trying to DEAL with her gone she was my best friend we called eachother at least twice a day, now its just over. over over Im so angry still I guess. I always thought I would have her here until I was old, I envisioned her and I shopping and going to movies and going to dinner when i was 60 her 82. Im reading all your posts here at work and I can literally feel the loss in every persons blog,. I keep choking back tears that have not flowed for a few weeks, Im not happy that you all lost your mothers also but I am glad im not the only one who feels alone in the world without my mom. Also Jess dont be surprised if your mom cannot see thru your hiding of feelings i used to do it but my mom would always always see right thru that, moms know when theres something troubling theyre kids. i have the same with mine. Love her as much as you can. I miss my mom sooo much it is unbearable sometimes like i dont want to go on but we have to for our kids and theyre kids and so on. i feel like this is therapy for me.( even though i really should have seen a grief counselor long time ago) God Bless everyone posting here Stay strong!!! and if you can Pray Pray Pray it does help even if you feel angry with God, He understands.

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Nicole Demke Said:

on March 24, 2009 at 8:42 pm

Dear Alex,

I’m sitting at work on a very gloomey day here in Salt lake City. I miss my mom daily, actually every minute of every day. She has been gone 11 years now. Reading your story made me cry and also brought joy to my heart. None of my friends know what its like to be without your mom. And I also get the “sorry I brought her up” response, when all I want is for them to bring her up. I want to talk about her, I want to remember her and everything I experienced while she was here with me.

Not knowing what I would get when I type “I miss my mom”, I came across your post and I have to say that I am so very grateful that I did this. If it helps you to know that someone else out there knows what its like to have that empty place in your heart. I am a happy person as well but that loneliness still creeps in and the pain of losing my mom at such a young age takes my breath away.

You really need to know that this post of yours is probably doing more good than you know. I cried the entire time reading it, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts surrounding the sadness I continue to feel sometimes.

I hope you continue to do well, and yes our moms are looking over us and I know couldn’t be prouder. I sometimes feel that I am alone in this world even with all my family standing around me. That is the empty feeling that I need more than anything…my mom!

Thank you for this. I will remember to read it when I am feeling sad and need someone to relate too.
-nicole

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Karen Said:

on March 31, 2009 at 3:10 am

Kristen from Dec. 8th post…..It’s been a long time since I have posted here. I come and read other posts now and then put I haven’t written in quite some time. If you look back at my posts on Sept. 23 2007 and Nov. 28 2007, you can get a better sense of my story. There are so many things that we go through and learn through out this process. And it is a “process.” I have been through about 16 months of grief therapy and a grief group that I was lucky to find through my synagogue that met every 2 weeks for several months. On top of that I picked up a book called Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman not long after mom passed. It had been highly recommened by others that I read this. I realized that it’s “okay” to do and be and act out however we want during these dark dark times. There isn’t a right or a wrong way to grieve. There isn’t a time frame for the process either. It will come and go in long waves, short waves, and completely out of nowhere and just pratically run you over. The pain and hurt and loss of myself, my life, my identity my god! I didn’t think I would ever find myself and quite honestly would be just happy if I didn’t! I stopped caring because I didn’t know how to continue! How do you??? Everything I had ever known had been taken from me. What was the point??? Thank god for my therapy!!!! Cause I’ll tell you that I don’t have anything else
to help me through this very messed up process. I would cry and cry and cry and cry and scream and scream so LOUD!!! A lot of this would just happen while I was driving in the car on my way to work. I just let it all go……A lot would also happen in therapy. I wasn’t about to let someone else tell me how I should react or not react to my mom passing. But that’s what most people do unfortunately. It’s just peoples nature to not DEAL with such a loss. And guess what happens to those people who live there life just pushing everything under the rug with their loss? They end up dealing with it 5 or 10 years down the road having a nervous breakdown and don’t have a clue why???? I have learned all these things through my therapist and my group and my book. I guess what I am getting at is that I just think that people just need to let themselves feel however they feel and don’t be afraid that others will judge. It’s messed up and sucks so bad to have to ever experience what we experience and everybody has there own unique relationships with there moms. There is no time limit on how long it takes to grieve and mourn for your mom and those are both different from one another. There is no particular order that the stages of grief will happen and a lot of the times, even years down the road we will experience a stage of grief again. That is just the way it happens. And lastly, Just know that this pain doesn’t go away, it changes. You don’t ever get “over” the loss, you get through it. The second year is actually the hardest and the third year is still pretty difficult too. It takes about a good couple of years to feel somewhat normal again whatever normal may be for you. I’ve learned all this through therapy and it has helped me so much. I just thought I would share with you……..

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mrd89 Said:

on March 31, 2009 at 6:46 am

Thank You,

There are no other words i can come to say other then thank you, I thank everyone for sharing their stories, offering advice, telling us how to cope from those who’ve lost their mothers (or fathers) years ago or until just recently. It really helps to know there are so many people out there dealing with this type of pain, at times it feels like nobody in the world knows what your going through, but reading these posts you realize there are so many others out there experiencing loss.

My mother died this past december 22nd, 2008 of a severe heart attack. Three days before her favorite day of the year, christmas. She absolutely loved the holiday season, winter time, the snow, putting the lights on the tree, just everything about christmastime. I had gotten her a book she read to me as a child “Oh the places you’ll go” and i wrote a little message in it to her thanking her for being the mother she was, it was so hard having to give it to her before we buried her, I just wanted to know what it would have been like to give it to her while she was still her, i know she would have loved it. This past Christmas me and my two little brothers had to open up the presents she got us for christmas, everything we wanted without even asking for it, this is the type of person my mother was. So caring, good-hearted, laughed hard and loved fiercely, my best friend, the backbone of our family. As you can imagine opening up her presents was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do. I can still remember the day she died clear as daylight, getting that call from my stepdad (who i consider my dad) that she died. It was so sudden and such a shock, i really did not want to believe it and tried to convince myself she would come back to life. It’s a tough situation without her, I am in college now and barely ever home, my dad has to take care of my brothers, one who is severely handicapped. Hes getting help from my grandparents, but it just hasnt been the same without my mom. No matter how much you think about it, it’ll never bring her back. You just have to remember a mom in your own special ways, remember the everlasting memories you shared with her. I am thankful I got to spend 19 years of my life with my mother, and i would give anything just to see her again. Its like you wake up everyday and you have to tell yourself shes not here anymore, but i hope i’ll get better with time. I find strength and motivation in accomplishing all of the dreams she had for me, like getting my college degree, becoming a teacher, and living a happy life. I suggest this for everyone out there that has lost someone they’ve loved, accomplish what they dreamed for you to do, and know they’ll be in heaven with a tear in their eye, and the biggest smile on their face. Throughout this surreal experience me and my family have been thrown into, I’ve learned to appreciate the finer things in life, like the people that care about and love you. The things we all as humans take for granted everyday, our lives. You realize how short and fragile life can be when you lose someone you love, so please…love like you mean it. Follow in your mothers footsteps, we all know they were great women, we wouldnt be here writing about them if they werent. People like us all have something in common, its what we do about it that really counts…

Again, Thank you everybody, so much, you all have touched my heart and have eased my pain. I hope I touch your hearts in the same way, remember, your not the only one in the world going through loss so please reach out, you’ll feel a lot better i guarantee it

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Anna Said:

on March 31, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Hello mrd89.
I was born in the same year as you. Now I am 20 years old but my om mpassed away late October when I was 19 too. I miss her so deeply and I dropped out of school and I feel reallbad about that. It was just so hard because I live alone and noone supports me and my aunt came but for two months and she left me all alone now. It’s been over 5 months since my mommy died. Thankyou for your post, it really touched me and made my cry which is a good thing because lately I have been so numb and I can’t even cry…

May God Bless you and yours,

-anna-

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Schwup Said:

on March 31, 2009 at 11:13 pm

Your page is great, i also found it by googling “missing my mom”. It’s a bless this page, a lot of the comments made me cry which is a good thing, because sometimes i try to hard not to cry in front of people that i have to get il all out when i’m alone.
I’m 23 and it’s now been a bit more than 2months since my mom died unexpectedly of an heart attack/failure while i was alone with her on holidays.. i tried to get her back but didn’t succeeded (that’s something which is weighing hard on me…) i miss her everyday more an more,and with the exams going on now,her absence is hurting even more… but i know that she would have wanted me going on and finishing university and that’s what’s making me strong to stand it through even if it’s really hard. and reading all your comments on this page makes me feel less lonelier and shows me that a lot of people made her way through this even if it will always be painful but not ass much than today.
Thank you for this wonderful page
(sorry for the bad english,but it isn’t my mother tongue)

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mrd89 Said:

on April 3, 2009 at 1:40 am

Anna,

I am so glad that you were touched and cried, as i know this is a good cry. When I cry about my mom and when I read these posts I know im getting emotional, but by getting these emotions out I am gaining strength. And this is what I hope to give people, strength. I am so sorry to hear about the situation you’ve been put into without any support, but I pray that God and your Mother give you the strength and stability to move forward in your life. May God Bless you, those who love you, and your mother.

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Karen Said:

on April 19, 2009 at 2:39 pm

These past two weeks have been such a struggle for me. 1st it started with Passover and then I did a wonderful thing! I raised $540 for a Lungevity “Find Your Breath” walk-a-thon in Ann Arbor at U of M. We walked 3 miles for Lung Cancer. And then of coarse the hardest day of all is coming. Mother’s Day. I am starting to become more and more anxious and anti-social. The desire to be around people is very challanging for me which was the theme in my life for a long time during the whole process of mom being gone. Once again I am a lost soul. Who am I? Where am I going? How will I ever get to where I want go in life. My stupid fear is just SO overwhelming and it takes over me and really controls my life and I try so hard to fight back but it’s so challanging sometimes. I have to force myself to do things and get things done and find that either I do a little and don’t complete anything or I just don’t do anything at all that needs to be done because either I don’t have the strength and energy or I just don’t care enough. I’m scared most of the time and really affects me moving forward. I know that fear is not real and I should be talking myself out of it so that I can move forward but I tend to be exhausted just by the thought of doing it. I am a mess right now. I’m alone and
I’m scared out of my mind. I really am not sure how I will continue to move forward in my life at 37.

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simon Said:

on May 1, 2009 at 8:17 am

hello, i’m another person who found this page googling “i miss my mom”. i was just sitting here doing some work at 2 in the morning and i have a picture of her next to my computer and i just kinda lost it. we lost her oct. 9 2007 (3 weeks before i got married) to brain cancer (a GBM). she was diagnosed in the middle of july 2007 and was not able to leave the hospital for the 3 months she fought. i remember seeing her 2 days before she was taken to the hospital and she was completely fine. my father is a doctor and i don’t think he will ever be able to forgive himself for not recognizing earlier that there was something wrong so that there might of been more time to do something (even though it was a hopeless case). i still don’t understand why she is gone and i still can’t believe that she will never meet my children (i don’t have any yet). it is easier now i guess, but it still feels like something is missing.
thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.

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Danny Said:

on June 3, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Wow some of your stories are mind boggling… I lost my mother too and the 07 of March and her funeral was on mothers’ day the 10th.

I will always remember her as someone who cared deeply for her kids and loved us unconditionally. She had emotional strength of a real mom, even when she felt sick she ensured that what we saw was a healthy woman for months on end until early April when her condition deteriorated.

Since I was not staying at home I had to visit every weekend for six straight weeks to ensure that I am there whatever happens (whether she fully recovered or not). The last weekend I saw her alive … She… she couldn’t walk, talk but once in a while she would look at us (me and my youngest sister) with puzzle ness.

It was on Thursday 07 May 2009, after a very successful meeting with the director in the morning I saw several missed calls from my sisters and I felt it so bad that I started crying. I had to be strong for a lot of people, my dad, my older sisters including my older brother who seem to be hit the hardest by this.

I even today still think of a lot of things, why is she leaving me at a tender age of 25, could she not have waited to see my little sister graduate, what about my kids????…

She left us with the best memories though, the laughter, the love, the respect, her calmness.

When I went to tertiary in another province after matriculating at sixteen she said to me “I need you to take good care of yourself and although you will never do this in the manner that I take care of me but I would never hurt for you to try”

In time … In time… all will be well

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Edward Said:

on June 9, 2009 at 4:26 pm

The pain never quite goes away. My mom has been gone 3 years now (she died in 2006). She gave a hard (but friendly) time to my wife and I about not giving her a new grandbaby yet. My wife and I had difficulty conceiving.

My mom had 3 great grandkids from one of my sisters, but they were mostly all grown up, and I know my mom wanted to hold a new baby. …just days before my mom died, she was telling the nurses in the hospital about how “I was supposed to be working on giving her a new grandbaby”. It was heartbreaking just to hear her say that.

…my wife and I finally conceived only a year and a half after my mother passed away. I have 3 sisters, but I always felt it my duty to protect my mom, since I was her only son. But you can’t protect someone from cancer. That’s the hard part–when you are helpless. The most you can do is live your life in a way that will make her proud. I hope I am doing that, because I do want to see her again one day, if I go to heaven.

She never saw our beautiful daughter Emma. My mother was a difficult, cranky, ‘pain-in-the-ass’ to most of us in the family, but oh do I miss her terribly. I hope I told her that I loved her enough. I hope her and Dad are hand-in-hand in heaven. I can’t help but think that she talked to God and helped give us our beautiful, perfect little baby Emma.

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Veronica Said:

on July 18, 2009 at 3:43 am

Hi,

I lost my mom when i was 11. I didn’t cry at all that day. Or the following days. In fact, i lived without realizing she was gone. I was thankful to have siblings that loved me and took care of me while I was growing up and my dad. too.

But today it hit me.. my mom is gone. I’m 26 now. my mom is gone.
I miss her so much. More than ever before. I just realized this is not going to change. The more time passes…the farther away the memories of her it seems..

But I am stronger because of all this. I trust other woman and believe in the power of womanhood sisterhood..motherhood.
I’ve been so afraid of growing up and embracing I am a woman maybe because that meant letting go of childish memories. Because every playfulness I have still ties me to my mom. If I grow up i may take her away of my life.

How can I do this? Have her inspire me? Despite the years. How can I respect her, know her more ..now, even when she’s gone. I want to know her better. I want to. I want to learn from her…

V

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Jace Said:

on August 21, 2009 at 5:10 am

I miss my mom too. I just had her first grandchild. She’s here now with us all the time. Kathy, my mom, doesn’t have to be alive to be here. I need to ask for her help. I realized that my son makes me forget her loss. She would have wanted it that way. My mom is me now. I am all that she wanted me to be to my son. I realize by writing this that I don’t miss her anymore. I have her here now. I weep because she would have loved my son and his mom, my love, Jen. I am over grief. Wow . It’s nice to say it. Peace be with you.

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Anna Said:

on September 8, 2009 at 4:48 pm

hello thought I’d post again. Well something that happened to me is that I fell off a hill and haven’t been walking for the last month so yes but I will go back to school in January, I hope, if all goes well and I might volunteer or take some courses if I get better before that. I miss my mom a lot, I went camping 2 times ( yesterday I came back from the second one) and when I am in that nature I think of her and when noone is around I break down and cry and pray to the Lord. thankyou mrd for praying for me. I think I am becoming stronger and stronger each day, also trying to do things and not just dwell on my mom’s passing.

Again I’d love it if any of you emailed me .

God Bless You All.

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sean Said:

on October 13, 2009 at 5:51 am

Reading your post made me think how much people do take their parents for granted.I lost my mom 4 years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.I really miss my mom she was my best friend.

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Gareth Said:

on October 19, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Hey all, thanks for this. Like many of you I came across this page after typing ‘I miss my mom’ into Google. I lost my mom last autumn, only a year after my dad. She was everything I aspire to be – honest, principled, hard-working, and full of love. I so wanted her to share in the raising of my children. She saw our first arrive just after dad died, and I think it helped her a lot during that dark time. She was the proudest grandmother, and I’ll always be happy to have been able to give her that gift before she left us. Just like my mom, I’m a Bright; Brights believe death is the end of individual existence, and that shared memory is all we leave behind, so it’s especially important to share our stories. Reading what you have to say has helped a lot. Thank you.

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Laura Said:

on October 21, 2009 at 5:21 am

I googled “I miss my Mom” tonight on google and found this. Thank you. Thank you for being so frank with your feelings. You are not alone. I lost my Mom only a year ago on Valentines Day. The darkest day of my life. The day I learned what a heavy heart truly feels like. Sadly she wasn’t here to share in the brightest day of my life. I just gave birth to triplets. So now, I am a motherless mother trying to live up to her standards.. trying to figure this out on my own. I know she is watching over me.. but sometimes it’s just so hard without her. Thank you.. I think you were chosen to write this for a reason.. God Bless.

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Lorraine Said:

on October 28, 2009 at 4:42 pm

I ended up at this site in the same manner as most of you. My mother died December 11, 2008 of Renal Cell Carcinoma I miss her every day, but as the holidays approach, I feel it so much more keenly. I truly do not know how to live knowing that this person who helped define me and who loved me in such a unique and selfless way is gone. There are days when it hits me that she is truly not coming back and those days are unbearable. It still seems impossible that she died. In my mind, my mother was going to live well into her 80s or 90s and watch my boys grow up. I feel so sad just seeing how much my sons have changed since she died and that she isn’t here to see how beautiful they are both inside and out. We just returned from vacation and I can’t call her to tell her all about it. Normally at this time we would have at least 5 or 6 shopping days scheduled on our calendars. There are so many things I miss – her voice, for one. She would call and leave long, rambling messages telling me about the most mundane things! I used to shake my head and laugh because she would always start with “Hey Lorraine, it’s Mom” as if I didn’t know that the minute I heard her voice! I keep asking her to please show me that she is around me. I am scared because I am not sure I feel her. I often panic thinking that she is just gone. I have always been a person of faith (my mom was a devout Catholic), but lately I have been feeling so much doubt in God. I prayed so much while she was sick (literally hours each day) but now I feel like God let me down. I know it is selfish to think that God has to answer all our prayers, but I truly thought he would heal my mom. When that didn’t happen, my faith diminished. I pray now to get that back and there are days when I feel stronger in my faith, but it has been shaken to say the least. Well, I am rambling a bit, but sometimes, as others have mentioned, it helps to just vent. I wish all of you peace as the holidays approach.

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Miss Alex Said:

on October 28, 2009 at 6:08 pm

Lorraine,

Please do not feel doubt in God. Just remember that He has a plan and that even though we do not understand why our loved ones are taken, it happens for a reason. You may never know why it happened but God has different plans for you,your family, and your mother. God doesn’t always answer our prayers for a reason – and even though it causes us great pain, there is always some greater meaning to it. It is hard to look past our pain and realize that many great things come from the hard times in life. You grow and become stronger, and build different connections with other people in the world among various other things. If there is one thing I have learned since my mother passed and since writing this blog, I know I would be a completely different person if she were still alive. Whether good or bad, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today, following the plan God has for me and becoming the person he wanted me to be. Please write here whenever you feel you need to vent. It helps us all to read that others share the same pain and problems and shows us we are not alone. I will pray for you. Stay strong and hang in there, the holidays are always one of the hardest parts after you lose a loved one. Focus your energy on your family and be strong for them, and always cherish the wonderful memories you shared with your mom. Some people may have never even gotten the chance to share their children with their mother – and you did. That is truly a blessing. Hang in there!

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Jenn Said:

on November 6, 2009 at 1:19 am

Google again.

Thank all of you for sharing – sometimes it seems like I’m the only one who misses her mom this intensely and it’s hard to talk to the rest of the family who just seem uncomfortable. Tired of hearing “get counseling.” Loving someone enough to miss them every day of the rest of your life isn’t something I’d want “counseled” away, tough as it is.

It’s been six years now since my mom died of cancer and I am still flying home to go through Mom’s stuff. My stepdad is dating a wonderful woman who’s been incredibly patient about a houseful of stuff from my mom, but it’s time to give him a chance to be happy and I honestly think my mom wanted him to be taken care of and have someone to share his life with.

(By the way, he is a great man. He married my mother when I was in my early thirties and has always been there for us. He answers the phone every day when I call him on my way home from work (which is the toughest part of the day to get through because that’s when I’d talk to mom before) and he genuinely is glad to hear from me, and worries when I don’t call. I feel lucky to still have him in my life.)

This past weekend I found letters that Mom wrote to my kids and my sister just before she died. It is so hard to even let go of something like that to them because it’s like holding a piece of her. I find myself keeping silly things like handwritten grocery lists just because she wrote them and it’s a tiny part of her life I get to touch.

I hope that each of you finds the joy along with the heartache in remembering your mom. We were lucky to have women who loved us so much.

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Carole Said:

on November 6, 2009 at 10:12 pm

I miss my Mother already and yet she is not gone, she is still alive…but this is not a life for her. She has dementia. I visit her every day – sometimes I recognise her sometimes, I don’t. I have lost her and yet she is still there. No one tells you how you should feel, they all say, make a life of your own or, get on with it, or, it’s good that you are there for her.
This is actually torture and the only thing I can see is black or white – either, why do you not die now or Please, come back to me as you used to you be Mum because I miss you so much that my life means nothing without you.
You were the only one who put am arm around me; who knew when I felt down; who knew life was always tough for me – who made sure I was safe and fought my battles against the world…
And now Mum, I know you are in pain but I do not know what to do for you because cannot get the right words out to tell me. And the smile I have on my face is not real, it’s pretend because this is what they tell me to do,; you must not see me unhappy any more…
But I know you still love me and you know, I will always love YOU

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