I miss my mom.

March 7, 2007

I actually wrote this blog on myspace before I had another site.  I felt I would put it on this one for anyone reading who wants to get to a feel for who I am in different ways other than living in Detroit or talking about Elly.  There is so much about life and my views on life that I never really have had a chance to write about…and well, I feel this will show some people how I feel about certain things.  I am not posting this for anyone to feel sorry for me.  That is not my intention.  Sometimes I like to read it and remember her.  It makes me feel better at times.  I wrote it June 26, 2006.  Well, here it is:

I miss my mom.

I felt the need to write this to anyone who will read it.  Actually, I just needed to write this for my own personal reasons.  It is all probably going to come out in a big mumble-jumble mess, so I guess you can try and make sense of it if you’d like. 

I miss my mom.  I miss her terribly.  This isn’t something that bothers me usually, it’s been almost 9 and a half years that she’s been gone now.  I’ve learned to carry on just fine.  I don’t get upset when people ask me about my mom, or when I have to tell them that she died.  I always hear the “I’m so sorry to hear that’s”, and “I’m sorry I brought it up”.  You know I am more than happy when someone brings her up!  Sometimes I wish I could just sit and talk about her, tell about what a great woman she was.  And you know I could, I could talk about her for hours, and I could tell you the stories I remember and the things I know about her or the stories I’ve heard and continue to hear on occasion.  She was crazy.  She was fun.  She was loud.  She was competitive.  She was caring.  She was strong.  She was responsible.  She was amazing.  But most of all, she was my mom.  No one can ever replace a mom.  NO ONE.  No one can take the place of someone who brought you into this world.  I work at CVS, and  I see mothers and daughters come in all the time. Whether it be the daughter is 40 years old and the mother 70, or the daughter 17 and the mother 40, or the daughter 6 and the mother 30’s, the relationship is something you cannot replace.  I watch the mothers , take care of theri daughters, watch them joke around, watch them yell…it’s something I yearn for. 

I am such a happy person.  I am such a blessed person.  I don’t take anything for granted because I know as soon as you can have something, you can lose something.  I cherish and appreciate everything about my life and life in general.  Life is too precious to not enjoy every day while you can.

I just miss having my mom come to my softball games and scream at the umpires when they make bad calls.  I miss her laugh.  I miss her loud mouth.  And  I know she would have embarrassed me to high hell if she was still here.  And I know ALL of you would have loved her; that’s just the kind of person she was.  I wish that I could just come home and talk to my mom, tell her all about my guy problems and my aspirations to be a singer.  And I know she would help me try and reach my goals with all she could.  I know things would have been a lot different with her here, a lot easier in fact. 

I cannot complain, for I have the most amazing aunt and grandma. (which my aunt is my mom’s sister and my grandma my mom’s mom.)  They help me through everything and support me all they can.  In fact I am living in my grandma’s house, in the upstairs.  It is actually where my mom and aunt shared a room when they were growing up.  Funny, huh? I bet my mom never thought I’d be living in the same room she did. 

It’s odd because lately I have heard alot of her.   There is this man named Tony who comes into my work, and went to school with my mom.  One day when he came in we got into talking, and somehow my mom got brought up.  He said he had known her name, and since then he has asked other friends of his.  He actually knows some of my mom’s close friends.  We talked about her again today…Tony had told me he ran into this man named Nate Robertson or Robinson, couldn’t remember which, but this man Nate has brought up my mother to Tony.  He said he went to highschool with Tony and her, and that my mom had beat him out in a softball game or something.  I laughed because that sounds just like my mom, she was extremely competitve and beat the boys at everything.  She was bossy and did things her way. 

My friend Natalie let me borrow this book called “Lovely Bones”.  So far it’s amazing, and I’ve even cried from reading it.  In fact it is what made me start crying and thinking of my mom more.  It’s about this young girl who gets killed and goes to heaven, and she gets to watch her family and friends continue on life without her.  The way the book describes heaven is reall interesting, in fact, it’s pleasant, but at the same time it is sorrowful, because the one thing that she wants is to be on earth with her family and friends, but she cannot be there.  It makes me wonder what my mom thinks, how she feels, if she’s really up there watching me continue my life without her.  I wonder if she sees me cry and wishes she could be here.  I wonder if she just wants to kick my dad’s ass for being an idiot, or if she wishes she could just talk to me about boys and the trials and tribulations of growing up and being a teenager. 

Wondering doesn’t really do anybody any good anyways.  It’s just all thoughts that cloud up your mind and toy with your emotions.

This is something that does bother me though.  There are so many people that I know who do not appreciate their moms, or dads for that matter.  Your parents.  I know that no one is perfect and trust me on that, if you know my dad you would understand.  But after everything my dad has put me through I still love my dad and would never give him up for anyone else.  I wish more than anything that I could have my mom back.  It hurts me when I hear people saying how they hate their moms because they got into a fight or because their mom may act psycho or maybe their mom just has problems.  You need to understand that no one is here forever. Just imagine if your mom or dad died tomorrow. What would you do?  It is so important to appreciate what you have and love what you got while it is still on this very earth, because once it’s gone chances are you aren’t going to see them again for a long time. 

Please appreciate your mom and dad.  It is hard to do I know.  I have the same problem.  But I promise you hanging out with them, or fighting with them, or laughing with them…it is all worth it.  Spend time.  Laugh.  Live.  Enjoy it while they are here. 

I would do anything to see my mom one more time.  Just to talk to her, just to touch her.  But I know she is watching over me, taking care of me still.  I feel her every day.  I know she is there.  But it’s hard.  Really hard.  I know I’ll see her again one day.

Sorry for all this rambling, and I’m sorry if I come off as a bit preachy.  But i can’t help it. 

PS: i just want to add one more thing.  I love my little sister savannah more than anything, savvy if you read this i love you! and everything will work out fine i promise…im always here for you.  and mom looks over you too, everyday and everynite.

oh and one more thing…

this was just something that i had to get out and something i wanted to write.  please dont feel sorry for me…because i am doing ok.  i dont want anyone to feel sorry for me because i am not that type of person.  i just wantted to share something so people will understand where i am coming from and possibly learn from it.



  1. schally, this is leah g. i just wanted to say that i just read all of that and i am all teared up and you are just so amazing and so strong and i’m glad that we became friends. i hope i get to see you soon

    • the relationship any person with another person has defined how they react to the lose of that person in their life, that is why people react different to death, in general people don;t care as long as the trama does affect them personally.. your pain is your own and no cares an d that is what makes it all sad.. I know from experience, I know the pain, the sadness, the missing, the lost of a life… dealing with that lost is not easy, and no one will understand, and it is a lonly place

      • not only is it hard having them gone but i feel all alone in my pain – no one cares and i am alone and it makes it a ton harder and the person was rly close with me.

  2. i was watching the Secret lovers commercial from t-mobile and it always remind me of my mother. I remember hearing that song all the time when i was like 7, Im sure she had a secret lover being she listened to it so much. a 27 yo male first born (not that it really matters) but i lost my mom like 3 years ago from liver cancer. I miss her so much man. I dont have any other family either because she didnt talk to any of hers, i have my two sisters from other fathers tho im appriciative of though. I just miss that happy time in life before all the bills and adult drama. I cant explain the bond i had for her being I was taken away to live in group homes at the age of 11. Ever since then i feel the universe has pushed me away from my family in an estranged way. I wish i can go back so much. When she was about to pass away i went to Denver from NYC to visit her in the nursing home. She passed away as i was getting off the plane, by the time i got there her bed was empty and so was her room, only with all of her belongings were there. It was so surreal, I felt like god put something so close for me to touch but that i couldnt actually make it by a couple hours was so teaseful. (if thats a word) Im still kind of mad at IT. I spent so much time preparing to bare my soul to her and let her know im not mad at anything she did. and that i love her so much and to know i just barely made it to comfort her in to passing. My sisters were not there due to one being too young and the other kind of fighiting with her. But mabey god took her because it would have been too much for me to handle? So message to everyone dont procrastnate sharing your feelings like aquarians do. When you decide to do it. – it may be too late.

    • I feel your pain, My mom had lupas and bipoler.
      my pooor mom was a mess. I started taking care of her at 12. she died about 2yrs.and still feel lost. my mom was my besy friend and i dont know what to do….. My bfriwnd is like a son to her and when thru her death. I feeel bad talking to him………….

  3. Oh sorry i left out that i never met my father. American life lol

    • i love your blog. It happened when i was searching about missing their moms, then i get to see your site. Yes, it is really sad losing a mom..On my own experience, the last time I spend my time with my mom was like two years ago when I came back home to have a vacation, and gladly that I was able to spend a quality time with my mom and dad. But unfortunately, I wasnt able to hold my mom;s hand while she was dying, the last time I talked to her was when she was admitted to the hospital and when I said the words that we love her so much, that was the end of it. My mom’s body was already in the morgue when I came back., I did try my best to make it, yet when I landed home, my sister told me that she passed away, that my mom was not able to wait for me. I felt terrible. I think that what I was hearing was not real, yet I had to face it, my mom was gone. She died two months ago, june 16. I really do miss her. I miss her when we talk about my love life and when we talk about hardships in life. She was always there to say that I can do anything as long as I believe in God. She is such a person with strong faith and amazing heart. I miss her, I feel like everyday, I wish I could turn back time and laugh with her again..I do miss her so much..

      So it is true, life is short. Appreciate everything you have. Love the people around you. Live each day as its your last. Because we will never know, what’s in for tomorrow..

  4. Thanks so much for sharing your stories about your moms. I am 37 and just lost my mom on March 2, 2007. The first night of going to sleep knowing my mom wasn’t here on this earth was HARD and then waking up the next day knowing she wasn’t here was even harder.

    Even though I am 37 and a mom myself it still hurts to know I can never call my mom to ask for advice, shoot the breeze or just say I love you. I know she is watching over me and is with me in spirit, but its still not the same as you all know.

    I still have my dad and 3 brothers, but they are guys and never understood the bond mom and I shared. My relationship with my dad is strained and my brothers have all scattered in the wind and rarely kept in contact with me. Now I feel as though my whole family has changed since my mom is gone.

    My children and I lived with my mom when they were babies and I was young and dumb, but mom loved us all the same. She was just out here in December to see me FINALLY graduate with my Bachelors Degree. I think she knew it was ok to go because her daughter had finally found a wonderful husband and finished her degree.

    I am thankful that my mom didn’t have to suffer and lose who she was to a tragic disease. You have to look for the good in all things.

    Thanks for sharing and letting me share.

  5. I wish I had your strength! I lost my mother a day after her birthday in 2005 and I still bleed buckets for her absence. Six months she was sick didn’t afford my mother much time to suffer, for which I am thankful. I just can’t put the positives before the pain though. I miss her.

  6. nice tribute to your mom.

    i was having one of those “missing my mom and dad so much days” that i googled ‘i miss my mom’ and ended up here. it was nice to read.

    i’m a 38 year old male and my mom died march 27, 2004…my 2 sisters and i spent all of our energies rehabilitating my dad’s spirits because he was heartbroken and we naturally gravitated to him as the conduit to our mom. my dad, then was diagnosed with cancer and he died on january 4, 2007 (one day before my mom’s birthday).

    it really is difficult to see all the commercials for mother’s day and father’s day stuff.

    then again, there’s really not much to say because such is the cycle of life. one thing i can take from the experience is that you start to realize how many people have gone through this…and oddly, that is helpful. if you can deal with this, why shouldn’t i be able to?


    • It is 2011. I, too, googled “I miss my mom”. My mom died a few months ago, and now my father has been diagnosed with last stages of cancer. Wow…we persevere, but we still love and long for them..

    • i agree. im a 12 yr old honors student that seems happy but im crying as i type this. my mom and dad got divorced when i was 5 they were young and stupid but i miss mom and dad. i live w/ gparents they wont let me see mom who is my favoritest person in the universe. my dad died of aids in 2007. i have had so many nervous breakdowns since this that are unknown and i have no 1 that will listen. my gma who i hate says mean stuff all the time. whats the point of life if i have 2 spend it melancholy all the time. im thinking about taking whole bottle of OTC pills . any advice email me at starbuckscrazy@hotmail.com

    • Iam 36 i lost my mum 20011 everyday is hard i miss her i’m brocken without her i cry everyday . only my mum could help me sort my mess of a life out . since you have gone my life has gone wrong i want you i miss you xxxxxx

      • I lost my Mom Dec 2010. There is no one like your Mom that can help you sort out the messes of your life. I so totally agree with you. I try and remember what my Mom would say and if I really think about it, I know what she would say to me. I miss my Mom too. It sucks.

      • I try not to think about what mine would say anymore. Lost her in longer ago than you. I miss her too and I think hthere would be my mom able to solve my dstress and my problems when no one else barely even tries or like one in a million try and she was that one in a million usually.I feel tiredness this whole day even after sleeping well. I would ask her why.

  7. I really appreciate all of your comments! I know I am most certainly not the only person who has gone through losing a parent(or both), but it does in a way comfort me to know that there are others who know how I feel! Sometimes you just need someone to talk to about it. Anytime you guys have a story or miss your parent(s), leave me a comment! I enjoy reading them. I’m glad that my entry was something you guys could relate to. I am sorry to hear about all your losses, however, as I know they are hard things to go through. Meek is right, though, it is a way of life, and even though it does change lives completely, we all will carry on! Once again thanks for the comments! I wish you all the best in life!

    • I know this post is old.. So I am not sure if you will even get this. I googled “I miss my mom” and ended up here. I feel like I don’t know where to turn. My mama passed away 4 days ago from complications after back and hip surgery. She had severe arthritis and was confined to a wheelchair since 2000. She had several surgeries to help with the pain and pulled through, so I assumed this one would be no different… But she developed severe pancreatitis that began shutting down all of her organs. Eventually the pancreatitis poisoned her blood, and there was nothing they could do for her. My heart is broken. She died 27 days after her surgery day, and they are all a blurr to me. The rollercoaster of emotions I felt from her good and bad days ate my soul. I am almost 7 months pregnant and I can’t describe the feeling of not being able to mourn the way that I would have wanted to in order to make sure my baby is okay. If I wasn’t pregnant I don’t know where I would be.. My mom was my world. My heart. Everything. Those last days keep rolling through my head over and over. Her telling me how scared she is, and me lying through my teeth about the severity of her condition so she could actually sleep. Watching the person I care for more than anything or anyone take their last breath in front of you is like a knife through your heart… A pain that’s undescribable. I don’t want to talk to anyone or do anything, I force myself to eat, and wait til I’m so exhausted I can’t keep my eyes open anymore to sleep. When I wake up and reality sets in again I am miserable. I just miss her so much already.. And can’t believe she won’t see her beautiful grandson. She was so happy when she found out he was coming, and I feel like all 3 of us have been robbed. She would have been the best grandma ever, just like she was the best mom. I can’t believe she is gone… And I’m sorry to everyone out there that has had to go through this. I understand when you say nobody understands.

  8. Hi,my name is amanda and i have sat and read everything all of you have put and its heartbreaking,i would like to write about my parents to see if it makes me feel any better but i would be here forever writing down all i would like to say.my mom died 25th october 2006 after battling first breast cancer in both her breasts which then turned to bone cancer 5 hard long years she fought this,but some how still managed to support me through a marriage break up,a miscarriage the loss of her own parents,and her twin sisters falling out with her which i no almost destroyed her,when she was told the drs could do no more for her she made my dad promise not to let us no until i was out of the danger period of the new life i was carrying inside of me.she wrote a diary of her ilness and she kept so much pain from us,i never knew of this diary till she passed away and i still cannot bring myself to read it all.my mom was beautifull even when the cancer started ravaging her body she still had that look of beauty about her,she was strong willed,and she loved her family more than anything in this world,when she died i was holding her hand as i had moved in as my dad was looking stressed,i remember her taking her last breath as a tear trickled down her cheek as if to say sorry,i remember screaming mommy as if i were a little child again and holding her so tight my dad had to prise me away i breathed in her smell till they came to take her away,when she was took i lay on her side of the bed and sobbed till i had no tears left,my dad was distraught this was the only love of his life,my 2 6ft brothers were reduced to little children i looked around me and thought they all need you pull yourself together.we took dad to the drs as he seemed how can i put it well it seemed more than grief,we had to take him up the hospital and on the day of mums funeral we had a call to come to hospital,we were told dad had cancer of the brain,liver,colon,spleen and lungs.Oh how could god be so cruel to do this to us,my dad died 28th december 2006 i cannot even go into the guilt i feel about my dad my wonderfull dad had gone too.i have moved to malta as i cannot face england.i hate it but i miss my 2 brothers,im a mess a complete mess butwhat can i do i cant get them back and i want them back.amanda

  9. Amanda,

    What a turbulent time you have had! Remember the best way to honor parents is to continue to live your life to the best of your ability and find humor in each day.

    I remember right after my mom died I had to pick up a flower arrangement that someone had sent in remembrance of my mom. I SOBBED, BAWLED, SCREAMED and HOWLED the whole trip across town, a couple of times I thought I’d have to pull over because I could barely see. Some how I managed to make it there safely to find a GIGANTIC arrangement of the most beautiful flowers waiting for me.

    It was soooooooooooo big that I had to sit it on the seat and buckle it in so as to not spill the water. As I was getting ready to leave, I looked over in the passenger side but couldn’t see over the flowers because they were so HUGE.

    I started to laugh because my mom was such a shorty (4’9″) and whenever I drove her around I would always tease her because kids 4’9″ and under had to be in car seats. The flower arrangement sitting where my mom used to sit was gargantuan to the point where I couldn’t see over or around it and I said “mom, this is so typical of you to find a way to make me laugh even when I miss you so much!”

    It was nice to find humor even though my heart was so broken. Laughter has healing power. I know my mom would not want me to spend my days missing her physical presence.

    I am not a religious person, but I do believe in the after life and feel that those you love are around you always.

    You have certainly gone through so much more than I, but grief is an ugly, but natural process. Make sure to take care of yourself, and don’t beat yourself up about crying and missing them, it is natural. However, if it is interfering with your ability to function you might want to find someone to talk to.


  10. I know how you feel. I am 37 and lost my father march 4, 2007. Its been so hard he is all I had. My Mom passed away when I was 12 and my father was a wonderful man. I miss him so much. Its sucks to be 37 and have no parents. I am basicly on my own and have no family to turn to. I wish you the best. they will be with us for ever in memory. Its better to have that than nothing.
    Take care

  11. missalexxx,
    very touching as I have lost both parents. I hope you have your alex back from Iraq. God bless

  12. It’s a beautiful Sunday, Sept. 23 as I sit here, still in my PJ’s googling “I miss my mom so much it hurts” and getting your site. Sometimes I just want to reach out and connect so bad b/c I feel so alone in this pain I experiance on a day to day basis. So here is my story……My name is Karen and I live in Detroit. I am 35 yrs old. My mom passed away this past Feb. of Stage 4 lung cancer. She was diagnosed in Feb. of 06′. It was this best year and the worst year I have ever experienced with my mother. She had just turned 62 yrs. old Jan. 20th, 2007. I have one sibling, brother 38, who is married with one child who lives in San Diego. My bro and I have never really had a relationship with my father since our parents got divorced when we were in our teens and the family has shrunk so much since then from grandparents passing or just family BS. So really it was always me, my bro and my mom. After my mom was diagnosed, I immediately moved in her condo to take care of her. She had a live-in boyfriend but was never really capable emotionally of the new responsibilities that came along with my moms diagnosis. I was so glad that I was able to be there every step of the way. I never wanted my mother to be alone and it was a way for me to give back to my mom for everything that she had ever done for me. I feel blessed to have had the time I had with mom. I thank god for it every single day. Believe it or not, some of the best times I have ever had with my mom were in the hospital. So I guess in a strange way, while it was the worst of times, it was also the very best. I have a lot of those “bitter sweet” moments from then AND now. This past summer was my time to really grieve. I spent all of my free time just letting myself feel and go through and just be however and whenever. I chose to opt out of a social life for the time being b/c really, all I wanted to do, or should I say know HOW TO do is be alone with the feelings I had so I could deal with everything I was going through at the time. I couldn’t really handle, nor wanted to, deal with much more than that anyways. No one understands you, gets you, or really wants to. Unless you have personally been through such a tremendous loss, people just tell you to “be strong” cause thats what your mom would want or “get over it already” b/c you need to move forward. A lot of friends and co-workers couldn’t understand, nor did I want to even try to explain again and again, what it was like or what I was experiencing at the time. So I stopped trying and they all just assumed I was ok or just stopped calling me. Whatever. I had to take care of myself. I am so thankful for the follow-up sevices that Beaumont Hospice had offered me after my mom passed. I have been able to talk with a grief counselor once a week for 13 months. It has done wonders for me but I have also worked very hard at facing my grief head on and not running from it. I have to say that I have never learned so much before about myself, about life and just about the importance of my relationships with my family and friends. I am a true believer that everything does happen for a reason. I believe that I everyone here reading this is happening for a reason. life is just so fragile. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I do know that I take my mom everywhere I go. She is with me always and that bond will always be present no matter where life may take me. Of coarse, it will never be the same without my mom pyhsically present, but I know she is and will always be there for me, just in a different sense. The pain never goes away. But it does change. The constant yearning for her I don’t think ever goes away. But it changes. My windows of opportunity to have a “good” day or week slowly happen more so as time passes. But no matter what……….I will never be the person that I once was before my mom was diagnosed. And I will never experience a greater loss in my life. And yes, this is life. There will be a lot more losses to come down the road. But for now, I thank god for what I have and I love my mom more than anything thing in this world. If it wasn’t for her, the lucky daughter that I am to have been raised by such an amazing women, I really don’t know where I would be! I write and share with all of you in hopes that maybe I am able to help comfort in some way that we are not alone and so many of us share such similar experiences.

    • hi i’ve read all your stories and im so sorry but when it happens 2 u u think that nobody else is hurting as much as u.I lost my mum in march 2009 and im absolutly devastated i love her 2 pieces and i feel lost and alone so reading ur stories did help thanks x

      • Oh gosh I have not been on this site in so long…….I’ve been thinking about my mom so much lately since Thanksgiving and the 3 yr anniversary of my moms passing is coming so quickly again. Gem X I am so so so so sorry that you have to go through this : ( It is still so fresh and new for you and this time of year can seriously make you wanna just crawl in a hole and die I know. The pain is so bad and sometimes it just doesn’t let up. You just want your mom back. Is it a nightmare????Cause it sure feels like it and you just wanna wake up already and have your mom there. I promise you though, you will get through this. I say this to you because It will be 3 yrs in Feb for me and I’m not gonna lie to, of coarse the first yr is the hardest! It’s the first for everything…..And the second year is very very difficult also. But it is a different kind of difficult. I can’t really explain it. You know what really helped me was talking to a professional about this. I didn’t have a support system that I could lean on so I sought out therapy and a grief group which isn’t for everyone but I found that it was exactly what I needed to help me through my grief. I truley do not know what I would have done without it. So just know that you have a lot of emotions that are going on right now and you are entitled to feel them. And also know that this does take time to heal. Its a process. If you ever need to talk, please email me kare213@yahoo.com. I would love to be there for you even if it’s just email : ) P.S. Check out the book “Motherless Daughters” by Hope Edelman. Excellent book that also really helped me on different stages of grief for loss of mother. All my best to you. – Karen

  13. I am very touched by our love for our moms..my mom passed away in 2006..She was my best friend..
    I miss her a lot..beautiful..charming..thoughtful..I only hope that I can live up to a little of what she tried to instill in the world. We were not a close family..now my sister has breast cancer..she said she loves me for the first time..my mind is crazy over this..
    Take each day..as we have heard over and over again..for what it is worth..stop and help your friends..because we never know if that same sunflower we admired yeaterday..will be there tomorrow..
    Enjoy your life..

  14. Karen, from Sept 23 – your words have helped me. I found this site also by googling “I miss my mom so much”. I am 35 and I lost my mom in January, also to cancer. So many things you said ring true to me as well, in exactly the same way. thank you.

  15. And missalexxx, thank you for posting this in the first place.

  16. Sharon, I am so glad that I was able to touch you in some way : ) You made me smile and I thank you for reading and sharing also. Who knows, maybe our moms are all up in heaven meeting eachother and celebrating us! Wouldn’t that be nice! You just never know………..

  17. Hi

    My mom passed may 5 2007… I can relate to your stories. I am crying my eyes out reading them. My mom was my best friend.. we would go to the movies, concerts, shopping together. In the last 2 years of her life we became so close. Close like we were when I was just a little kid. I just wanted to give her everything she ever wanted. I would buy her everything. I remember she told me one day that no one ever gave her anything from Tiffany’s in her life. She always wanted that little blue box. So I went out that night and drove for an hour to find the tiffany story and got the necklace for her.. She was so happy… also i remember leaving a diamond ring for her on valentines day as asurprise… She was watching myy dog and my house when i went to vegas and I left the ring for her so she would find it on valentines dayy. she called me in vegas and was crying on the phone. I also did all of the non material things for her like just talking to her for hours at a time about anything and everything… We went to the Toby Keith concert, she wanted to go so bad and we ended up having a great time. She said it was the best time of her life. SOmetimes I just feel like not being here anymore when i think about all of this.. I am single and dont have anyone to talk to about this stuff.. I just dont know what to do..

  18. I also googled “i miss my mom” and was put here. My Mom died June 12 this year. Even though I turned 50 years old in September I feel very lonely without her. I am married to a great guy for the last 30 years (time goes so fast) but we never had any kids. My Mom was my girlfriend, confidant, great listener, and wonderful Mom to her 7 kids. Thanks to all of you for this website, it has helped me for today. Peace and Love.

  19. Jeff G, I am so sorry : ( I want you to know that if you feel the need, you can email me. Any of you can email me personally if you ever want to chat one on one. Jeff, I really do get it. And it’s unfortunate that you don’t have anyone that you can talk to. I feel it’s so important to have at least one person you can talk to who can really be there to listen when you need to vent. It has been quite a struggle for myself to find someone to talk to b/c my OWN brother and Aunt don’t want to deal with it and my friends are all married with kids and are so busy all the time that when I need them, there not answering the phone. I have been lucky in the fact that I have therapy that was offered through my moms hospice care and it’s been a great outlet for me. Maybe you might consider seeking out a professional who specializes in grief therapy or you can talk to me by email and then I could give you my #. I really don’t mind being someone anyone can lean on. I find it to be the most frustrating thing that people can’t get it unless they have experienced it. And to talk to someone who gets it without you having to explain is a blessing. So just so you all know, and especially you Jeff, you can always email me personally at kare213@yahoo.com. And if you would rather talk on the phone, I would be happy to give out my number to you and be there for you. Really, I don’t mind at all. Just let me know.

  20. Hello all from the board. I am glad to see there have been more posts, but I am sorry for the reason that brings us all here.

    Tonight is November 13, 2007 about a week before Thanksgiving. I don’t know why Thanksgiving is bothering me so much. I have not spent Thanksgiving with my mom for at least 6 years. She lived in Phoenix and I moved to Ohio.

    Maybe it is knowing that her birthday is just around the corner and the fact that Christmas is not far behind.

    Mom was out here last Dec. for my college graduation and we went Christmas shopping together while she was here. I remember getting after her because she was spending too much money on silly things like singing Christmas trees and goofy ornaments. She always loved those crazy things!

    I’m trying really hard not to cry in front of my kids (teens) because I don’t want to make them uncomfortable or worry that their mom is losing it. Yet, we go to the store and the tears just come.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fall to the floor and blubber, but an occasional tear will find its way down my cheek.

    My family that is still around, dad (he and mom were divorced for 20 yrs) and my brothers all suck. Since my parents divorced we have not been close. Mom was my only family and she loved me through thick and thin.

    I know she is with me now, but “I want my mommy!” Want to hear her laugh and watch our bellies jiggle like bowls full of jelly when we laugh together. I want to hug her and tell her I love her one more time. I want to be able to make it through the holidays with out being a basket case.

    I’m sorry to come here to whine. I appreciate all who have read this and wish you peace and happiness in the weeks to come. Thank you for letting me cry. I do feel a little bit better.


  21. I too wrote “I miss my mom” tonight. I lost my mom to brain cancer 2 years ago. She was a beautiful, vibrant, amazing 55 year old grandma to my beautiful children. She was my best friend and my hero. I am up tonight… like many nights… crying and missing her. I would give anything to call her, to touch her, to smell her, to feel her arms around me. Still when I close my eyes and think of her I can “feel” her. My son learned to ride his bike today… my first thought was to pick up the phone to tell her… she would have loved to celebrate those silly moments with me… I am sobbing as i write this. I just wonder when it will stop hurting so much. I still wonder how I am suppose to live my whole life without her in it. God I miss you mom!

  22. Amber,

    Your mom was very young! My mom was 67 when she passed and was very close to my 2 children as well. As I mentioned in a previous post the kids and I lived with her from the time they were babies until they were about 5 & 7.

    I know what you mean about wanting to call your mom to share the milestones your kids make. My daughter is a senior in high school this year and it hurts so much to not have her here to share in this exciting time in my daughter’s life.

    My heart goes out to you and your family and I send you a <<<>>>.

  23. My mom was like 35 when she passed. I want to cry a lot too when I have important things happen in my life. She wasn’t here to see my graduate highschool, she won’t be here to see my graduate college, she won’t be there at my wedding and she won’t be there when i have babies. It’s a hard thing to accept. I still cry about it all the time and I lost my mom 11 years ago.

    THanks to everyone for commenting so much on this. I never thought it would have such an impact on so many people.

    My heart goes out to all of you as well. Feel free to comment as much as you want, I enjoy reading them.

    • Hi! Lost my momma at 36ish. 1999, June – yesterday.
      Miss her so much, can cry on a seconds notice…miss her.
      I loved her. More than any thing else, but realized now, like 3 years ago, it’s not okay with God to have loved her more than Him….so I repented, and told Him I am sorry….He said no problem, I will fill all her loss and way more besides, and He does. But I wanted you to know Alex, that the pain it’s been 10 plus years, it’s with me still but it more “quiet” now, and sweeter too somehow(?) I walked down the isle at 39 years and HOLDING, and married a lovely man who adores me now. He is my 2nd or 3rd rock I guess. I see momma still all over. Have you ever had this happen: I will do or say something and then realize: I am my mom, like she is doing or saying this thru me? Like, she’s such a part of me…I watch or hear her and then I know….mom’s in me?
      I get lots of comfort from those moments. Then I found love letters of hers from my dad (who is still with us) I read how much he adored her (and still does) and I get all happy and excited because it’s like I go back to their time, before me, and experience their romance…cool.
      I kept so many things. Her current purfume bottle. I smell it often. Her last dress, smells like her. And bagillions of pictures of her. I named my business after a song she used to sing to me. Yep, momma, I loved her so completely so purely, I am crying right now. I will see her of course in Heaven, hey, God let me have a very special “”Heavenly visit with her too.” On my 40th birthday …I laid down to take a cat nap…and vividly dreamed this: I walked into an older house. Mom was sitting in a chair there. She looked at me, I looked at her, and that true emotion…… IT WAS LIKE, MOMMA! MOMMY….oh I have missed you so much !!!!!!! I have so many things to tell you about. I asked her are you okay? How do you feel??? She said oh yes Stacie, I am just fine!
      I feel great, every thing is good. Then I tried to tell her about my georgous wedding, and she said::: I WAS THERE !!!! I SAW YOU I WAS THERE!!!!! WOW!
      I told her about Joe, she said: I KNOW …. I LIKE JOE !
      He’s good for you! I tried to hurry up and start planning another wedding service she could attend, but she told me no! I was at your and Joes beautiful wedding!!! GIRL, I really did get that visit, God is God, He can do anything, and that was His gift to me! WOW. That was very special, the feeling I’ve had since….beautiful. So I wanted to let you know my mommy experience too.. Thru Christ, All things are made new again. Take care Alex. 🙂

  24. I hate my life. Everything is a challange without my mom. I have completely lost my identity. I can’t make a decision. I have a hard time concentrating. I don’t sleep well. And the worst part is……..I don’t feel safe anymore which makes me so vulnerable everywhere I go that I have a hard time being social. I don’t want to talk to anyone because I am so tired of explaining all this to people. They don’t get it anyway. I recently was let go of my job too and am trying to get a new one but the economy is so bad here in Detroit. Everything just sucks so bad and it exhausts me to be this way. I can’t seem to get any relief of this grieving process. I feel like it’s completely destroyed my inner spirit and I will never find my way. I have completely shut everyone out of my life. I don’t answer my phone barely and I get nervous just going to the grocery store. It will be 1 year Feb. 4th 2008 that my mom will be gone. I am really trying to be patient with myself. I can’t help the way I feel or how I have been. I really can’t stand watching my life pass me by while I grieve. I am 35 and just want to feel good and live like a normal person. Someone please shed some light for me and tell me that I am not the only one experiencing this.

    • Dearest Karen;
      I was just almost word for word as you now when I lost my momma. I had to ignore EVERYONE; I had to just cry just several times a day all day sometimes. I too lost my 14 year good job ! I too hated everything. I only let a very old close friend near me, and that friend I wore out. I was lost, devastated, and joyless.
      What I did that in time (2 years this took) slowly ….. Seems like it will never stop… but I finally after weeks found a grief recovery group thru Hospice. My mom was not in “Hospice” but this group accepts anyone who is grieving a loss. Also, I went to a psychologist and at the same time a psychiatrist too…… ALL OF IT. It’s helpful to express all of this, work thru this hard horrible awful pain. Feel it all, and express all of it completely, this is your job now to grieve.
      Your job is to care take yourself and work this pain all the way out Karen. I was on 2 antidepressants and some other stuff too. I did not care; it helped me function some bit. My house became crazy and cluttered my appearance suffered a lot, I lost interest in so many things…I GAVE UP AND DID NOT CARE. I even did attempt to step off curbs in front of buses…I was a wreck. I asked God to please remove me and let me go…I was so messed up. My friend, my trusted partner, my confidant was gone. I was lost. I HATED EVERYTHING. I hated living. I even started doing odd stuff I did not understand. BUT please do not do some of the bad self destructive things I did, they have consequences! I am paying those now, 10 years later….. I will have to work very hard to get some of my health issues worked out.
      But do this: Get in counseling. A grief group is a good start, believe me there is so much pain like you are feeling …they are all amongst us everywhere Karen. You may not realize this, but there are others feeling this pain you are in too. It actually felt “good” to tell a group of grieving “strangers” what my loss was, and how I can’t function, and how bad it hurts, they “””Feel”””” your pain too and cry with you too. Why it feels good to have others cry with you …well there is something in God’s word about this, He created us to need this. But feel it all, grieve it all, and don’t make any hard decisions you aren’t ready to make yet. Let other well intentioned “strong” people in your life know to hold off or back off, and let you grieve for as long as it takes you to know you are turning the corner…and you will in time-your time- you will begin to feel different. Greif can take a while. 3 years is not long enough for some people. But do turn to God. HE CAN TAKE IT!!!! Cry out to Him, Jesus has felt the pain of grief Karen. He wept over His friend’s Lazereth’s death. So He knows your despair. Let Him hold you thru this. HE WILL. Once as I lay crying all night in deep despair, HE woke me up, told me to go downstairs, open the front door and look up. Rather He impressed this upon my heart, so I did it. Why not??? I was tired of laying there crying. And Karen, up there in the 3 am dark sky…..full moon, and gorgeous shooting stars!!!!
      He made me know, He did that for me. I mean, why? I did not know at all. But He knows why He showed me that. During this time family will let you down, that’s so hurtful too…but it is just reality, and it’s awful, folks just act like they are mad at you for having so much grief….like there is a proper way to grieve, there is not. You feel what you feel, you work it however it makes since to you Karen. DON’T bother with anyone who is not 100% with you and for you.

  25. Karen,

    Losing your mom does take away that security that everything will be ok since she is around. However, it sounds like this is really taking a toll on you. Maybe you should look into talk to someone to help you make way the healing process.

    There is not set time frame for how long you should grieve the loss of a loved one, but if you are experiencing such severe feelings of anxiety, sadness and lack of hope it could be more than just the loss of your mom.

    I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is rough.

    My mom passed March 2, 2007.

    Take care of your self and KIT

  26. Hi, I also got her by googling “I miss my mom” and I think this website was just what I needed. Both my parents passed within a month of each other. My mothers was a terrible death from cancer. I had moved in to take care of both parents, and went through all the pain, confusion, indignities, and suffering that came with the diseases. I administered the morphine which, depending on how you look at it, either made my mothers death a peaceful experience or could have been what killed her. I live every day remembering things like the day I had my mother ask me what will happen to her (how will the disease progress, how she will die, and what will happen after), the day she and I cried together when she finally admitted that she will die soon, and the days spent giving the morphine. My parents were the greatest, and I had a wonderful childhood. I loved them both as friends and parents, and miss them every day.

    Now I live each day knowing they are gone, but not thinking they are in heaven watching. They are just gone, not waiting or watching…just gone. What gets me through each day is what they left me…everything they showed and taugh me about myself, family and life. I was so lucky to have known them, and to have learned from them. I think about them every day, and still cry about their leaving, but I continue on.

    To those that believe the are in heaven, I hope they are…and if so, they will continue to watch over you until you join them again. To those that do not believe, they were a gift from a higher source…a love and a light that left something inside you to carry forth. Either way, there was and is a love that can never be broken.

    Thanks for the stories, it helps to come here when I am feeling sad. I wish I could hug all of you.

  27. James,

    I am sorry to read of the difficult task you took on when you mom needed you most. That is wonderful that you could be there for her. My heart goes out to you.

    I hope this holiday season is filled with many happy memories of your parents.


  28. Oh sweetie, I miss my Mom as well. She died 2001. Here it is christmas season 2007, and i was crying and i googled miss my mom and here I am.
    My Mom was marilyn monroe beautiful and sadly taken advantage of by men most of her life. My mom inwardly was a lot like I love lucy and was taught to be dependant on men. Today thankfully women can have careers and not so dependant on men.
    How I wish i could pick up the phone and just talk to her as i used to do. It is so gut wrenching for me thru the holidays that she always made so special for us.
    Ideas i have kicked around to make mu Mom a part of the holidays

    put her photo on a white holiday candle to burn on christmas day

    put a framed photo of her on the sweets buffet.

    my mom was Helen Elizabeth Kline Williams born september 4th 1931

  29. i think your blog was great. i lost my mom 3 months ago and want to know if i can use excerpts from your blog at my moms service.

  30. feel free to use whatever you want shari 🙂 im glad you liked my blog. 🙂

  31. how do i deal with the lost of my mom last year july 2007.I have my Best frien and when i talk about my mom she listend but she said she get upset with me talking about my mom all the time.I love my mom & I miss my mom very much

  32. It seems as if I can relate to pretty much all of this, I understand when you don’t want people to feel sorry for you, and that you don’t mind talking about her, and when others say they hate their parents since my mother passed away I have had all of the same thoughts. I personally like talking about my mom, where as the rest of my family, never seems to say anything. I feel as if though all of us that have lost that amazing mother in our lifes, have a very special bond in just understanding each other and all of our thoughts.

  33. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer on July 27,2007. We found out that she had cancer May 1st of 2007. It was like a landslide of doctors and bad news. When the doctors finally stated that they’d have to stop the chemo – I walked into my mom’s room, and she smiled at me. I sat down on her bed and hugged her. I told her that she was going to see her mom, and my dad soon. I told her that I’d miss her. She told me that she’d be waiting for me. I too googled I miss my mom – and it’s good to know that i’m not alone. My mom was an intelligent, beautiful and courageous woman – she was my best friend. I’ll miss her always.

  34. i’m 37…. found out feb 20, 2008 that my mom has a glioblastoma malforme 4 brain tumor that is large, inoperable and spreading. a month prior to that it seems all was fine and normal. After 2 radiation treatments we decided not to prolong the misery. there is NOTHING we can do to stop it, shrink it or eliminate it. We brought her home and hospice is coming in. they say it can be a matter of weeks to 6 months. she turned 65 march 14. I spend all my available time with her, and cant even begin to imagine my life without her. I am grateful of the wonderful mother/daughter relationship /friendship we shared throughout the years.
    I am devastated. I have accepted it, however when it happens i am afraid the pain of reality will be inbearable. Mom was my strength & pillar of salt…….now i have to be all that for her. I don’t mind at all. but watching her die is undoubtedly the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

  35. Hey Rachel, I’m 37 as well. I can tell you that I know exactly what you are going through right now. I walked with my mom, down her last path here on this earth. It is devastatingly difficult….I remember trying to think of questions which I wanted to ask her before she went to heaven!! Of course I think of things every day now which I’d like to ask her and talk to her about. I just know that she is with me in my heart, she’s a part of me. She would want me to go on and be happy…although some days that’s simply impossible.

  36. On October 24th 1997 all my family got together at my sister-in-laws house for my niece Amy’s 4th birthday party. My mom & dad asked us all to come back to their house afterwards – they had something they wanted to talk to us about. They were in Amway at the time and I thought oh no – they want to talk to us about Amway. They told us that my mom had lung cancer. (I wished with all my heart that it had been about Amway) I was devistated. We all were. I went with her on her next doctors appt. and when she left the room, my dad & I asked him about treatment and he said she could take it but it would only give her a little more time and make her really sick. Without it she would may have about 6 months. That was so hard to hear. I was so scared. She decided she didn’t want the treatment. None of us tried to persuade her to do otherwise even though I sometimes wish I would have because I wanted her here as long as I could. I wanted her to know that too. I’m married and my little boy was only 2 1/2 years old at the time. He loved his grandma very much. She would come over and spend a few days with us and watch him while we were at work. She loved it and so did he. He would cry when she went home. I wanted to spend more time with her doing things she likes. I took her to bingo one evening. I never cared for it but she loved it. I found out that night that she likes jalapenos. I never knew -I always thought she hated them. I know that sounds like something so small maybe and insignificant but it meant a lot to have found out something I never knew about her. I went to visit her here and there but not like I should have. I started fearing that I would see her so sick & fragile and thought “out of sight – out of mind” – that I would some how forget she has it and everything would be okay. That sounds so stupid now. Why did I ever think that way?! I wish I would have spent every moment I could with her. Anyway, I called her & told her that I wanted to take her to have her hair done. She was excited about that. But when I got to her house to pick her up, she was in a lot of pain. I woke my dad up (he worked nights and was sleeping in) and told him that we needed to call an ambulance. That was on Saturday. She was admitted into the hospital and then sent home with hospice on Wednesday. She passed away a few days later on that following Saturday, December 13th 1997. It has been 10 years now and I think about her everyday. My son doesn’t remember her but I’m always telling him how much they admired each other. Also, how very sweet of a lady she was. I have been missing her so much lately. I pray for my family and still always include her. I tell Jesus that I wish I could have one more week with her. I still want to take her to have her hair done. I want to take her to bingo and anywhere else she wants to go. I want to hug her (she was so soft and gentle – like a mom should be) I want her to know how much I regret not spending more time with her before and after she was sick. I want her to tell me more stories of her life and for her to know how important these things – big & small -are to me because they are about her. I’m sure He tells her this. She was so special and the most wonderful, sweet mother and grandmother there ever was. I love you mom.

  37. This past week my mom has changed. Sleeping all the time, not wanting to eat or drink. She is very weak and her legs are like noodles at times. I still see her every day and sometimes lay in bed with her, holding her hand.

    Watching her deteriorate before my eyes is awful.

    I already miss her.

  38. Rachel,

    My heart breaks for you at this very moment. You are doing a wonderful thing by being there for your mom, loving her and comforting her. Keep doing what you are doing and know that we are here for you.


  39. I also found this from googling “i miss my mom” It’s almost been a year since we lost her to brain cancer. She was so brave and fought for 7 years. I was alone with her at home when she died and it was very peaceful. But i just really want her back and healthy. I’ve never felt grief like this–even my bones hurt. Especially now that I’m pregnant with my first child–who is due on my mom’s birthday! I just wish she would call me (she couldn’t talk for her last year alive). I miss you mom.

    It is nice to see that there are others out there…somehow that helps. Cheers to all of our brave moms.

  40. Hi, I too was googling, “miss my mom”.
    I’m 27 and my mom died from kidney cancer a year ago this month. I thought I was doing ok. Then, this weekend, I had a panic attack. I hyperventilated and almost passed out. I have been the ‘strong’ one in my family my whole life and it’s starting to catch up with me. I didn’t take time to realize how upset I still am. My mom struggled for nine months and the cancer ate her up. She underwent surgery where the Dr’s removed a football sized lump and dead kidney. The tumor had grown into her inferior vena cava and had to be cut and milked away from her heart. When they cut the tumor a few cancer cells spilled into her abdomen. To prevent the growth of any more tumors she went to radiation weekly and took oral chemo. After three months she felt a lump at the site of the incision. She told her Dr but he decided it was probably scar tissue and told her to keep an eye on it but not to be concerned. I was moving and we (me, hubby +2 kids) stayed in an RV at her house for about a month. We grew very close and I am grateful for that time. She really bonded with the kids, too. In March her six month check up was due. They checked to see if the cancer was in remission but found that it had come back with force. She had three lumps in one lung and two in the other. That little lump of “scar tissue” had developed internally all along the scar and was starting to swell. The chemo she had just finished had done nothing but cause her discomfort and nosebleeds. So she started an intra venous chemo. She got really sick then. Her energy level dropped dramatically, it was like she had the worst kind of flu. She couldn’t eat… nothing would stay down. She couldn’t drink anything but water… and only sips. I was living in my new house but went, every week, to be with her all day Tues and Thurs. She deteriorated so fast. In march she spent a week in the hosp and went home even more drained. Late May she went back to the hosp b/c she had bad pain a nosebleed that wouldn’t quit. They kept her for a week and she lost all strength. She was too week to go home so went to a rehab center for another week. They put her on the iv food bags and she kept getting worse. Her sister came back to town and told her that she had to make the decision. To decide what was right for her. To keep fighting if she wanted too… to make the decision for herself not for what she thought anyone else wanted. Mom went to her next dr’s appt at the end of that week and he readmitted her to the hosp. Mom had the iv food removed and stopped chemo the next day. She went into a drug induces coma shortly thereafter. She died in the hospital, days later. I held her while she took her last breaths. I spoke gently and told her it was ok and that we would all take care of each other. Then I hid all my emotions as well as I could and went into the hall to tell everyone she was gone. I was strong for everyone else and didn’t let it all out. It was 11:48 the day before Father’s Day. The last thing she said to me was, “I love you too.” God I miss my mom and I’m still angry. I’ve yet to deal with these things and now my body is rebelling. Three years ago my maternal grandmother died. She had heart problems and died at night in her bed at home. I had lived with her when I was a teenager and she was like a mom to me. I had just transferred those feelings back to my mom when she died. I feel completely motherless and have never had a caring father. My mom remarried a year after I got married so my step dad and I are not close. And the kicker is… I feel guilty grieving with my family. I feel like I should be their support… I am the new matriarch.

    Thank you all for sharing your stories. They are helping me down a new road of grief and self discovery. I can open up and not feel guilty!
    Thank you so much!

  41. Renee,

    So sorry to hear of all the pain and suffering your mom had to go through!

    You have been such a keystone to your family, but you need to make sure to take the time to grieve or it will take its toll on you and possibly spill over to your family.

    Just remember what your aunt told your mom “do what is right for you”. That applies to you and your situation as well.

    There are no rules to grieving and we all go at our own pace.

    Losing your mom and grandmother so close to one another is rough. I’m sending a hug your way.

    Hope you don’t think I’m lecturing, just responding to what you shared. Best of luck to you!

  42. Thanks Kristi!
    And you’re right… I just have to remember it!

  43. […] I know what caused the attack. And I googled, “I miss my mom” which led me to this awesome blog that made me cry and cry. Posted in social disorders | Tagged grief, miss my mom, panic attack, […]

  44. My mother and I are both Scorpios. If you know anything about astrology (or believe in it), you’ll understand why my teenage/her menopause years were difficult. I think I spent so much time daydreaming about how when “I grow up…” that I never really truly understood all emotions I was pushing away. I feel guilty for all the times I yelled at her and I didn’t care because I always thought, well, she was my mom, she’ll always be there.
    Last year my mother found out she has tumors on her lungs. After going through treatment for both ovarian and colon cancer, she turned to me and said “I am just so tired.”
    My sister lives in WA and is due in a month to have the first male born into our family in 73 years. My mother left yesterday to stay for ‘just a few months’ and I am so happy, because all she has ever wanted in return for raising us is a little grand baby. But I also am extremely sad, wondering just how many months, years, ect. I will have with her. I was cleaning her room out to rent it while she’s gone, and I started crying because I felt like I was ruining something holy, like I was burying her before she’s even gone. And I know that is silly, and extremely selfish. I know that I should be greatful that I still have her, and tomorrow I will be. But today I am just very scared, because just getting a taste of the house being quiet, and not asking “what do you want from the store?”..
    I spent so much time daydreaming about when I grow up, but now that I’m growing up I just want to hold her, and never let her go. I don’t believe in god, I believe in my mother. I believe in her stories, and her morals. I believe everything she’s taught me and taken it all to heart. She might not have always been the best mother but she tried, and that means so much. I feel so bad that I forgot she was human, that I was too young to realize just how much she had been through and somehow made it out still positive.
    Sometimes the world is so big, and so scary, and you realize that people push off other’s emotions. TV news about death used to bring tears, and now most people are numb to it. And I think the hardest part is knowing that one day my mother will die and the world will still turn. And the whole world won’t grieve, it won’t even know.
    I know I have so much more to look forward to with my mother, and please do not feel that I am wasting my time by being afraid. I am not usually like this, I’m a very upbeat person. I’ve just realized that I’ve been so positive for my mother for so long that when she is gone I don’t know how to be positive for myself.
    And that is why I needed to write this, because I just needed to get it out so that I can admit to someone that I Am Scared, And I Miss My Mom. And that is why I googled “I miss my mom” and found this amazing thread that just started with one person typing those same words. Thank you so much for giving me the strength to focus on what I still have.

  45. I am a 37 year old guy from new mexico and my mom died three weeks ago. I am still in a daze, and don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. I thought that at my age I would have the strength to deal with anything that came my way but watching my mom take her last breaths was more than I could bear. One of the earlier posts that mentioned waking up the day after knowing that she wasn’t there anymore was really difficult to read. I have two younger brothers who are twins, less than a month away from their 21st birthdays and they have begun to lean on me for anything from how to tie a necktie to how to do their own laundry, and I am happy that I can at least take over for my mother in the respect. She can never be replaced and I will see her again someday. I love you mom.

  46. nice to know i am not the only crazy who goggles i miss my mom.One thing i miss the most is not being able to call anyone “mom”

  47. Hi! Googled on the topic “I miss my MOM”.. & was happy that had many to check on.Have read all the comments/posts but the fact still remains “Miss my Mom”… I’m 29 & lost my mom this June 11th.. It was just a year and half after she was diagonised for Endometrical carcinoma & non-hodgkins Lymphoma. she was just 54 when she died. And every single day to pass is so difficult cos’ you can’t express what you are going thru to have lost MOM… and it’s only who has lost can understand the trauma. Being the strongest in the family , I had to console dad & sister on the loss.. believe me, its not easy to hold back those tears which are a instant relief for those moments. Every morning it leaves me shaken thinking about the fact that she is no more, no one to call Mom, no phone calls, no shopping & gossiping. Spoke to dad about an hour back & he was crying & telling me how much he misses her.. every corner in the house reminds him of her memories.
    Thanks for having a blog on this, it really helped me share few things. Its definetely not enough to write everything but atleast help me to convey few lines.
    My colleague told that it would help me if I could write down about this as I could not cry & have been holding my tears & it did I must say!

    Today is “Rose day” & it says a day for “Tribute to Cancer Patients”…. I Pray god to have this disease/illness taken away from earth.

    I Love you MOM!

  48. I miss my Mom too.

  49. I feel you man. I wish you had ur mom brother, I’d die any die for my mom

  50. I miss my mom too. I find myself seeking solice in these website and as stated in earlier postings just someone to listen. She passed away this past March after a long battle with a pneumonia, its funny cause I remember asking her where she wanted her urn to be, and she couldnt talk because she had a Trach tube in, so she mouthed the words “with you”, so she has a special place on the mantle in my livingroon, watching over my family including her precious two year old grandson. I think I lost my mom long before she passed away, she had MD and was sick for a very long time before the pneumonia, and I was left to care for her. I spent so much of the later years hating her for needing me so much…it sounds awful I know, but I called everyday and faithfully twice a week sucked up my pride and went to visit her smiles and everything. They say you never really knew what you had until it is gone. Its so true. I dealt with her passing fairly easy at first but lately it hurts soo bad, its like this big hole has finally found itself in my heart and I am not sure how to deal with it. My husband I am sure is tired of hearing me say “I miss my mom”, has anyone sought help with their greiving process? All I have is my sister and my husband and I feel like I have to maintain this strong front with both of them, but I just want to cry and scream. It doesn’t help that my dad is not around, he has taken up solice with his “girlfirend” who used to harass my mom with torturous phone calls while she was still here, he doesnt call or come around so esentially I have lost both my parents. Everyday I think I am going to lose it and I don’t has anyone else gone through this??

  51. I miss my mom so much. I cared for my dad when he was dying of cancer. He passed in 1994 and I was the sole caregiver for my mom until she died in May of this year. she was such a proud woman and had her mind to the very end. God, I miss her so much. I know I need help – I can’t let her go – I drink way too much these days and I know it’s so I can try and ease the pain of not haivng her here……….. I

  52. I found this site with the google entry “i miss my mother she died of breast cancer I need someone to talk to who understands” literally. I have been in search of some type of forum online or in real life that can provide a vessel for me to let out my feelings and thoughts. Thank God for the strength of the thousands of people who have lost their loved ones from a deadly disease. I never knew that I would be able to even still be alive since she passed away let alone live a daily life of working, school or even running errands. She was ofcourse my rock, and for lack of a better term-my best friend in the whole world, not to mention the only one I was able to talk to-really talk. Im just reaching out, because none of my friends really give me the sense of true understanding and ….that’s all, thankyou for your posting and for being a survivor.

  53. I, like many others who’ve commented, googled ‘I miss my mom’ and arrived here. My mom passed away Aug. 29th 2008, due to injuries sustained from a fall. If nothing else, it’s very comforting to know that others empathize. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

  54. I googled i miss my mom too and came to this site and im 20yrs old Im a junior in college and today is the day that my mom passed away 4 yrs ago. I love to hear stories about my mom from her friends. i love to think about all the times when it was just me and her. “I would do anything to see my mom one more time. Just to talk to her, just to touch her. But I know she is watching over me, taking care of me still. I feel her every day. I know she is there. But it’s hard. Really hard. I know I’ll see her again one day.” I say that everyday

  55. I miss my mom dearly, its only been 3 months and it feels like a part of me has shutdown,I thank god everyday for having 2 beautiful kids and a wonderful husband who supports me in everything.I wish mom was here to hold me and kiss me and give us her blessings.I miss my mom oh so much if I had 1 wish that will be getting my mom back, I need her she is my rock,I feel nothing without her here,I just wish I could turn back time.my mom passed away 8/5/08.Thoughts of ma mom will always dance upon my soul,she was the best.

  56. My Mom passed away on October 2nd. I miss her every day. My Dad has alzheimers and I’m dealing with his heartbreak and inability to accept that his wife of 63 years is gone. It’s hard, and no one wants to acknowledge that you can hurt this badly even if you are 50.
    My Mom was also my best friend. I was with her until her last breath and I cherish the fact that I was able to be with her at the end.
    Still, it makes you feel like you are 2 again and being left alone for the first time.
    I hope that it gets better, but I still miss her every moment of every day.l

  57. I typed “I miss my mom” in the google bar and it brought me here.

    It’s been 3 years, but now my fiancee’s mother just passed away, and it’s all rushing back on me.

    For whatever reason, your blog is making me feel a little bit better today.

  58. I typed “missing my mam”, and found you guys here, my mam passed away 11th December 2008, the funeral is yet to come on the 18th, she died whilst in hospital as i held her hand, Im a male, 40 years old, and like a big kid, I have lived with her all my life apart from a year, in the latter part of her life, she became very old and very frail, and i recall her sobbing saying she was sick of feeling so ill, her loss has broken me, and im lost, this site is beautiful, thank you everyone who has posted and specially missalexxx, you have created a warm safe place on the internet for us all who miss our mums

  59. My mom has not passed away yet, but she is in the final stages of alzheimers. I am so sad, my mom & I did everything together. It breaks my heart to go to the nursing home to see her all slumped over in the chair. I can’t stop crying, it has been a year since she has been there & it hasn’t gotten any easier for me. I am an only child so no one understands my sadness. I pray everyday for her to get better but I know she won’t, I miss her so much it hurts. My life is not the same anymore 😦 I use to like Christmas but every holiday is sad for me & I don’t even want to celebrate anything. Thanks for listening 😦

  60. Like so many others, I googled “I miss my mom” and found this blog. I lost my mom on August 27, 2008 and am having the hardest time of my life about it. I’m 21 years old and my mom was only 47 years old. She was the most amazing person ever… she was so full of life and just crazy and wild and funny and sweet and all these things all rolled into one. She was always making life hectic and calling me several times a day when I was at school and when I was home on my breaks, we spent so much time together. I’m hearing impaired, and my mom spent my whole life being an advocate for me, and I believe that’s one of the reasons we were so close. Everyday, almost all day and all night long, I think about her. She was my angel on earth and now she’s my angel in heaven. I just can’t get over her death because I truly believed that she would outlive me. Unfortunately, this summer, she was diagnosed with leukemia. It took my mom, and it took her fast. She had random symptoms all summer long, but nothing that we would attribute to cancer. Eventually, the symptoms kept coming and she was in so much pain, she forced herself to go to the doctor — that was a Saturday morning. On Monday night, the doctors told her she had leukemia and that she would be fine after she started chemo. On Tuesday night, I received the call from my aunt that my mom was in the ICU. We didn’t know what was going on or how serious it was. By the time I made it to the hospital, my dad had to tell me that my mom was going to die that night. She was unconscious at this point, but the nurses told me she could still hear me. First, I begged her not to leave me. Then, I begged her to take me with her if she was going to leave me. Finally, realizing that she was not coming back to us — no miracle would be granted — I begged her to hold on so that my brothers could come and say goodbye to her. My younger brother was at my grandparents house, a half hour away. He arrived at the hospital around 2 a.m. My older brother was 4 hours away, and my mom managed to hold on until he got there. Fifteen minutes after he got there and said his goodbyes, the nurses told us they couldn’t keep her alive any longer on the machines because her oxygen level had dropped too low. That amazing woman stayed alive long enough for my brother to come say goodbye to her because she knew the guilt would kill him as well. And now, it’s been almost 4 months since my mommy has passed away. It’s supposed to get easier, but it hasn’t. My mom was my best friend, and the pain of living without her is too enormous for me. I talk to her everyday and ask her to get a favor from God and bring me up to Heaven with her. I guess she doesn’t want to do that just yet… but I wish I could at least gather the strength to feel like life is worth living without her. I have a large family, but no one had a relationship like what I had with my mother. I’m so glad I found this blog because now I see that I’m not the only one living with this pain and feeling these emotions. I would never wish this upon anyone, not even my worst enemy, but knowing that people know how I feel makes it an easier road to travel without my mommy.

  61. Dear Kristen,

    My boyfriend Kyle actually just went through something very similar to you. He and I are both 21 as well and he just lost his father (with whom he had a very close relationship with, like you and your mother) to leukemia. They told him that they caught it early and he would have to go through chemo, etc. He had multiple chemo treatments, a bone marrow transplant, and finally, he started to get better. Then one day he just got really sick again, and a week later, past away. In his dad’s final hours, he waited for Kyle’s brother to get there, and once all his children were there, he just let go. Kyle is still really struggling with the loss of his father, so I know what you’re going through. My mother died when I was 9 and I still feel the way you do sometimes. It’s going to be hard but you’ll get through it. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me. aw1997@wayne.edu

    I’m really glad everyone likes this entry and this site. Please keep posting your stories and your feelings. We’ll all help each other through these hard times!

  62. 12/23/08-I also googled”I miss my mom” and found all these touching stories of “moms”. I lost my mom 5/15/04. I can hardly bear Christmas since she passed away. I always just want Christmas to get here and leave. Strange because I used to love Christmas when she was alive. She made Christmas so wonderful! Today I went to lunch with a friend and there was a lady in the restaurant who was wearing my mothers perfume! I caught that smell and have been aching for her ever since. I always remember the line in the movie “you’ve got mail” where Meg Ryan says “I’m missing my mother so much I can barely breathe”. Thats how I feel. It truly never goes away.. that ache for one’s deceased mother. Life is much duller and the bright shiny Christmas love will never be the same. I try to make it happy for my daughters, but deep inside.. every Christmas (and every other day of the year!) I feel so lonely for her. I want her back! She left too soon!

  63. I just lost my mom too on December 15th – she told me if she ever went in the hospital again she would die. I took her in one night cause I thought she was having a stroke she was 82. They said she had an overdose on what is called the “Patch” it is a drug for pain. She had foot pain from neuroprathy. she died after 2 weeks from MRSA – so being in the hospital had litterally caused her death – and I took her there – she got so confused in the hospital and called me on my cell phone and would forget that I had been there and wanted me to take her home..but she was so incoherant they tried to detox her but they didn’t seem to know how. I feel like they made mistakes, I feel like I made mistakes – I really miss her, her call was on my anwering machine today,her voice was cloudy and confused and she wanted me to come an get her – she needed me and I couldn’t be there the whole time. Cause I work – she died after 2 weeks in the hospital – from the day she went in she just got worse and worse – I feel so guilty – I miss her so much – I want to turn back the hands of time – she was the best person to talk to about – politics, and how to clean things, and healty foods – and I really really miss that – I did get to have her all those years. but like someone else said you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone…I really really feel I could have done something different so that she would not be gone today..I went over to her house today, that we have to sell – all her stuff was around me and it made me miss her so bad. I worry that my daughter will feel this way some day, and I wish she wouldn’t have to – thank you all for sharing, I will come back here to cry with you all when I feel alone.

  64. Like a lot of other people I found my way to this site by google.I lost my mom july 25 2007 at 530pm.It is still very hard for me.I was the only child and the only grandchild on my moms side of the family.I am married and have two little girls(kaylie and emma).I don’t know where to start,but to say I miss my mom so bad.Mom passed away of cancer.In march mom sat me down and told myself and my dad what she wanted when she passed away,that was the hardest talk that I have had in my life.I am very happy that we had that talk because we were able to do everything that mom wanted.One thing that was very important to mom is she did not want to pass away at the hospital,she wanted to pass at home.When the doctor told us there was nothing else that they could do,we took my mom home.Mom lived for a week and a half after we got home.When mom passed she was surrounded by our whole family,and we have a very big family.I was holding one hand and my dad was holding the other.My mom was only 59 when she died.I also want to add that my mom and my dad was married for 42 years.I have many great times with my mom.Some of the good times that I remember is I played highschool and college football,and when i would look into the stands where my mom and dad was at mom would always have a very proud look on her face.Mom and dad never missed a game(4 years of highschool and 4 years of college).But my mom loved my girls above everything else.She was so happy when we had Kaylie our first girl.She even retired from her job early so she could spend more time with her.Emma was born on oct the 4,mom found out that sept that she had cancer.The whole time that emma has been alive mom was sick.But some of my moms last words was that she loved them more than anything in this world.My dad and myself where going thru so of my moms personal things and we found a note that mom had wrote to Kaylie.In the note it says that when the sun is shining down on her that it is grandmaw kissing her from heaven.I had that framed and it is hung on Kaylies bedroom wall.There is a lot more that I would like to say but I will stop.

    If anyone would read this and would ever need anyone to talk to please email me at pauley66@hotmail.com

    Mom I love you!

  65. wow, this is so beautiful. I am 20 years old and I too lost my mom at the end of October. She was only 51 years old. I remember when we would go for chemo every week, she’s get asked when she was born and she’s always say first the day then month then year (fifty-seven) and smile, or once or twice she even said “ooo, I forgot and would laugh” and so would the nurses. I member one time I said “ma, don;t say that” O well. She always had so much optimism, I mean sometimes when I had my period I felt bad and mommy would say take a tablet, curl up in bed and try to not think about it and fall asleep. What’s weird though is that after she died I sort seem like immune to the cold, immune to pain ( cuz my always painful period isn’t painful anymore) which is good I guess but kinda odd. Anyways I always think about her. My college even kicked me out cuz I stopped going for some time and now it’s too late, but I hope to go back. Yah so today I made myself a little treat and went shopping (clothes) but first I went for a chinese massage which helped. So after that I went shopping at the mall and I bought nice brown point zero paints and its cool n odd cuz I remember when mommy was alive I’d tell her I need a new pair of pants and mommy would say kay maybe you can buy corderoys I think it is cuz I told her most jeans are too skinny or whatver and today I went in and I skimmed the pants real fast and a found a brown pair of corderoys and I tried em on at home and their perfect and they were only $30 bucks too. 🙂 Newayz I also bought some other intimate stuff , and cappucinno’s and candles and mittens. yah, o and I can really relate to the girl that said that she doesn’t answer phone calls or do much. I don’t want to tall to people and explain what I’m doing especially sinece I’m out of school n stuff :(. Also no one I know has gone through this(all my cousins have either both parents or one parent( which is the mom) and their own family. My dad was an absent dad all my life and I just can’t find the strength to talk to him because everytime I do it makes me really nerved and I cry and my blood pressure soars… :(. Also i can relate to alot. My mommy also died in the hospital(she was there for three weeks) and I remeber on the first week a group of young nurses doing their placement at the hospital wanted to look at my mom because she had a tube in her back since she had blood in her lungs (she had multiple myeloma cancer) that’s cancer of the blood, anyways I was really angry at them but mom sais they can look and mom said when they left, “See even they feel sorry for me and I saw some of them cry” my mom was real emotional but she was never afraid to show her feelings. She was so open and told even people she just met of what wa son her mind and I’m wondering now if I am becoming more or less? like Her now. Well her name was Jenny and she was my angel on earth and now I really see what an angel she was and my whole life from my birth has flashed before my eyes and I see who I really had , all the games we played come back to me, the stories she read, the encouragement, the shoulder to cry on, all the times she jumped in the water to save me (Inearly drowned a couple of times), all the times she made me laugh(even if she didn;t mean to), all her smiles , her beautiful blue eyes, her beautiful soft smile. So many people even at the hospital would tell me or my momy that she is pretty. I was such a fool for telling my mommy when I was mad that I’ll just go back to my dad, I mean how could I say that? and plus how would/could I do that?
    Now I hate him even more.
    I just wish my mommy knew that I’m writing this but justing writing all this reminds me of her with me or me talking to her inreal life when she was here and I really get the courage to write from dep down from the heart just as momma always spoke and taught me to, I beleive. Wow I didn’t sleep the whole night and I wnat ot go to the cemetary because it helps me feel peace and stuff.
    p.s – I was wondering which country are most of you from. I guess its the Usa. Tht’s cool. I am from North America as well. Well take care and o and I also know a bereavement counsellor from the funeral home and she also lost parents at real young age. Newayz please keep your head up high. Now I need to start choosing a tombstone which is really hard since it just sort finalizes mommy’s death but o well . O an my granny died in 2005. :(.


  66. Thank you all for your posts. I lost my mother last September and I feel like it will never get easier. I miss just calling her to tell her my cat was getting on my nerves. 🙂 I miss everything about her. All of your posts do, however, make me feel a little less alone, so thank you all!

  67. Hello! I am 20 years old. My mom lives far from us due to her job. I only see her twice a month, during the week-ends only. Recently, I have been experiencing symptoms of depression, without her knowing. I am very good when it comes to hiding my emotions, and I don’t want her to tell her problems when she comes home. I miss her terribly too. I do not have someone to tell my problems and to cry to. I want to hug her and let her stroke my hair. Miss her badly. 😦

    Prayers for your mom xoxo

  68. I had my 1st post here back on 1/9/09.I just wanted to stop in and say today would have been my moms 60th birthday.happy birthday mom we miss you very much.I love you.

  69. hi, my name is kelly & i’m 20 years old.
    my mom died last month. jan 15th.
    it was very unexpected.
    she was only 42.
    i miss my mom so much.
    i miss her more everyday.

    i was just looking for someone who might understand and i found your webiste. it’s nice to know that someone out there is going through the same issues that i am.

    thank you for writing this.

  70. BETSI, i know how you feel I lost my mom 5 days after christmas 2007, car accident she flew out door broke her neck. But Christmas was always my favorite EVER!! but now that she’s gone I hate the day after Thanksgiving, I get so angry when I hear Christmas music its like uggggh!!! But deep down I know why its because my mommy will never come over to my house and cook her sweet potatos and green bean casserole!! She was 58 yrs old and I 37 at the time I was so freakin angry that God took her that way I never got to say my last GoodBYe, she never knew what that day had in store, its been 31/2 yrs now and Im still trying to DEAL with her gone she was my best friend we called eachother at least twice a day, now its just over. over over Im so angry still I guess. I always thought I would have her here until I was old, I envisioned her and I shopping and going to movies and going to dinner when i was 60 her 82. Im reading all your posts here at work and I can literally feel the loss in every persons blog,. I keep choking back tears that have not flowed for a few weeks, Im not happy that you all lost your mothers also but I am glad im not the only one who feels alone in the world without my mom. Also Jess dont be surprised if your mom cannot see thru your hiding of feelings i used to do it but my mom would always always see right thru that, moms know when theres something troubling theyre kids. i have the same with mine. Love her as much as you can. I miss my mom sooo much it is unbearable sometimes like i dont want to go on but we have to for our kids and theyre kids and so on. i feel like this is therapy for me.( even though i really should have seen a grief counselor long time ago) God Bless everyone posting here Stay strong!!! and if you can Pray Pray Pray it does help even if you feel angry with God, He understands.

  71. Dear Alex,

    I’m sitting at work on a very gloomey day here in Salt lake City. I miss my mom daily, actually every minute of every day. She has been gone 11 years now. Reading your story made me cry and also brought joy to my heart. None of my friends know what its like to be without your mom. And I also get the “sorry I brought her up” response, when all I want is for them to bring her up. I want to talk about her, I want to remember her and everything I experienced while she was here with me.

    Not knowing what I would get when I type “I miss my mom”, I came across your post and I have to say that I am so very grateful that I did this. If it helps you to know that someone else out there knows what its like to have that empty place in your heart. I am a happy person as well but that loneliness still creeps in and the pain of losing my mom at such a young age takes my breath away.

    You really need to know that this post of yours is probably doing more good than you know. I cried the entire time reading it, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts surrounding the sadness I continue to feel sometimes.

    I hope you continue to do well, and yes our moms are looking over us and I know couldn’t be prouder. I sometimes feel that I am alone in this world even with all my family standing around me. That is the empty feeling that I need more than anything…my mom!

    Thank you for this. I will remember to read it when I am feeling sad and need someone to relate too.

  72. Kristen from Dec. 8th post…..It’s been a long time since I have posted here. I come and read other posts now and then put I haven’t written in quite some time. If you look back at my posts on Sept. 23 2007 and Nov. 28 2007, you can get a better sense of my story. There are so many things that we go through and learn through out this process. And it is a “process.” I have been through about 16 months of grief therapy and a grief group that I was lucky to find through my synagogue that met every 2 weeks for several months. On top of that I picked up a book called Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman not long after mom passed. It had been highly recommened by others that I read this. I realized that it’s “okay” to do and be and act out however we want during these dark dark times. There isn’t a right or a wrong way to grieve. There isn’t a time frame for the process either. It will come and go in long waves, short waves, and completely out of nowhere and just pratically run you over. The pain and hurt and loss of myself, my life, my identity my god! I didn’t think I would ever find myself and quite honestly would be just happy if I didn’t! I stopped caring because I didn’t know how to continue! How do you??? Everything I had ever known had been taken from me. What was the point??? Thank god for my therapy!!!! Cause I’ll tell you that I don’t have anything else
    to help me through this very messed up process. I would cry and cry and cry and cry and scream and scream so LOUD!!! A lot of this would just happen while I was driving in the car on my way to work. I just let it all go……A lot would also happen in therapy. I wasn’t about to let someone else tell me how I should react or not react to my mom passing. But that’s what most people do unfortunately. It’s just peoples nature to not DEAL with such a loss. And guess what happens to those people who live there life just pushing everything under the rug with their loss? They end up dealing with it 5 or 10 years down the road having a nervous breakdown and don’t have a clue why???? I have learned all these things through my therapist and my group and my book. I guess what I am getting at is that I just think that people just need to let themselves feel however they feel and don’t be afraid that others will judge. It’s messed up and sucks so bad to have to ever experience what we experience and everybody has there own unique relationships with there moms. There is no time limit on how long it takes to grieve and mourn for your mom and those are both different from one another. There is no particular order that the stages of grief will happen and a lot of the times, even years down the road we will experience a stage of grief again. That is just the way it happens. And lastly, Just know that this pain doesn’t go away, it changes. You don’t ever get “over” the loss, you get through it. The second year is actually the hardest and the third year is still pretty difficult too. It takes about a good couple of years to feel somewhat normal again whatever normal may be for you. I’ve learned all this through therapy and it has helped me so much. I just thought I would share with you……..

  73. Thank You,

    There are no other words i can come to say other then thank you, I thank everyone for sharing their stories, offering advice, telling us how to cope from those who’ve lost their mothers (or fathers) years ago or until just recently. It really helps to know there are so many people out there dealing with this type of pain, at times it feels like nobody in the world knows what your going through, but reading these posts you realize there are so many others out there experiencing loss.

    My mother died this past december 22nd, 2008 of a severe heart attack. Three days before her favorite day of the year, christmas. She absolutely loved the holiday season, winter time, the snow, putting the lights on the tree, just everything about christmastime. I had gotten her a book she read to me as a child “Oh the places you’ll go” and i wrote a little message in it to her thanking her for being the mother she was, it was so hard having to give it to her before we buried her, I just wanted to know what it would have been like to give it to her while she was still her, i know she would have loved it. This past Christmas me and my two little brothers had to open up the presents she got us for christmas, everything we wanted without even asking for it, this is the type of person my mother was. So caring, good-hearted, laughed hard and loved fiercely, my best friend, the backbone of our family. As you can imagine opening up her presents was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do. I can still remember the day she died clear as daylight, getting that call from my stepdad (who i consider my dad) that she died. It was so sudden and such a shock, i really did not want to believe it and tried to convince myself she would come back to life. It’s a tough situation without her, I am in college now and barely ever home, my dad has to take care of my brothers, one who is severely handicapped. Hes getting help from my grandparents, but it just hasnt been the same without my mom. No matter how much you think about it, it’ll never bring her back. You just have to remember a mom in your own special ways, remember the everlasting memories you shared with her. I am thankful I got to spend 19 years of my life with my mother, and i would give anything just to see her again. Its like you wake up everyday and you have to tell yourself shes not here anymore, but i hope i’ll get better with time. I find strength and motivation in accomplishing all of the dreams she had for me, like getting my college degree, becoming a teacher, and living a happy life. I suggest this for everyone out there that has lost someone they’ve loved, accomplish what they dreamed for you to do, and know they’ll be in heaven with a tear in their eye, and the biggest smile on their face. Throughout this surreal experience me and my family have been thrown into, I’ve learned to appreciate the finer things in life, like the people that care about and love you. The things we all as humans take for granted everyday, our lives. You realize how short and fragile life can be when you lose someone you love, so please…love like you mean it. Follow in your mothers footsteps, we all know they were great women, we wouldnt be here writing about them if they werent. People like us all have something in common, its what we do about it that really counts…

    Again, Thank you everybody, so much, you all have touched my heart and have eased my pain. I hope I touch your hearts in the same way, remember, your not the only one in the world going through loss so please reach out, you’ll feel a lot better i guarantee it 🙂

  74. Hello mrd89.
    I was born in the same year as you. Now I am 20 years old but my om mpassed away late October when I was 19 too. I miss her so deeply and I dropped out of school and I feel reallbad about that. It was just so hard because I live alone and noone supports me and my aunt came but for two months and she left me all alone now. It’s been over 5 months since my mommy died. Thankyou for your post, it really touched me and made my cry which is a good thing because lately I have been so numb and I can’t even cry…

    May God Bless you and yours,


  75. Your page is great, i also found it by googling “missing my mom”. It’s a bless this page, a lot of the comments made me cry which is a good thing, because sometimes i try to hard not to cry in front of people that i have to get il all out when i’m alone.
    I’m 23 and it’s now been a bit more than 2months since my mom died unexpectedly of an heart attack/failure while i was alone with her on holidays.. i tried to get her back but didn’t succeeded (that’s something which is weighing hard on me…) i miss her everyday more an more,and with the exams going on now,her absence is hurting even more… but i know that she would have wanted me going on and finishing university and that’s what’s making me strong to stand it through even if it’s really hard. and reading all your comments on this page makes me feel less lonelier and shows me that a lot of people made her way through this even if it will always be painful but not ass much than today.
    Thank you for this wonderful page
    (sorry for the bad english,but it isn’t my mother tongue)

  76. Anna,

    I am so glad that you were touched and cried, as i know this is a good cry. When I cry about my mom and when I read these posts I know im getting emotional, but by getting these emotions out I am gaining strength. And this is what I hope to give people, strength. I am so sorry to hear about the situation you’ve been put into without any support, but I pray that God and your Mother give you the strength and stability to move forward in your life. May God Bless you, those who love you, and your mother.

  77. These past two weeks have been such a struggle for me. 1st it started with Passover and then I did a wonderful thing! I raised $540 for a Lungevity “Find Your Breath” walk-a-thon in Ann Arbor at U of M. We walked 3 miles for Lung Cancer. And then of coarse the hardest day of all is coming. Mother’s Day. I am starting to become more and more anxious and anti-social. The desire to be around people is very challanging for me which was the theme in my life for a long time during the whole process of mom being gone. Once again I am a lost soul. Who am I? Where am I going? How will I ever get to where I want go in life. My stupid fear is just SO overwhelming and it takes over me and really controls my life and I try so hard to fight back but it’s so challanging sometimes. I have to force myself to do things and get things done and find that either I do a little and don’t complete anything or I just don’t do anything at all that needs to be done because either I don’t have the strength and energy or I just don’t care enough. I’m scared most of the time and really affects me moving forward. I know that fear is not real and I should be talking myself out of it so that I can move forward but I tend to be exhausted just by the thought of doing it. I am a mess right now. I’m alone and
    I’m scared out of my mind. I really am not sure how I will continue to move forward in my life at 37.

  78. hello, i’m another person who found this page googling “i miss my mom”. i was just sitting here doing some work at 2 in the morning and i have a picture of her next to my computer and i just kinda lost it. we lost her oct. 9 2007 (3 weeks before i got married) to brain cancer (a GBM). she was diagnosed in the middle of july 2007 and was not able to leave the hospital for the 3 months she fought. i remember seeing her 2 days before she was taken to the hospital and she was completely fine. my father is a doctor and i don’t think he will ever be able to forgive himself for not recognizing earlier that there was something wrong so that there might of been more time to do something (even though it was a hopeless case). i still don’t understand why she is gone and i still can’t believe that she will never meet my children (i don’t have any yet). it is easier now i guess, but it still feels like something is missing.
    thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.

  79. Wow some of your stories are mind boggling… I lost my mother too and the 07 of March and her funeral was on mothers’ day the 10th.

    I will always remember her as someone who cared deeply for her kids and loved us unconditionally. She had emotional strength of a real mom, even when she felt sick she ensured that what we saw was a healthy woman for months on end until early April when her condition deteriorated.

    Since I was not staying at home I had to visit every weekend for six straight weeks to ensure that I am there whatever happens (whether she fully recovered or not). The last weekend I saw her alive … She… she couldn’t walk, talk but once in a while she would look at us (me and my youngest sister) with puzzle ness.

    It was on Thursday 07 May 2009, after a very successful meeting with the director in the morning I saw several missed calls from my sisters and I felt it so bad that I started crying. I had to be strong for a lot of people, my dad, my older sisters including my older brother who seem to be hit the hardest by this.

    I even today still think of a lot of things, why is she leaving me at a tender age of 25, could she not have waited to see my little sister graduate, what about my kids????…

    She left us with the best memories though, the laughter, the love, the respect, her calmness.

    When I went to tertiary in another province after matriculating at sixteen she said to me “I need you to take good care of yourself and although you will never do this in the manner that I take care of me but I would never hurt for you to try”

    In time … In time… all will be well

  80. The pain never quite goes away. My mom has been gone 3 years now (she died in 2006). She gave a hard (but friendly) time to my wife and I about not giving her a new grandbaby yet. My wife and I had difficulty conceiving.

    My mom had 3 great grandkids from one of my sisters, but they were mostly all grown up, and I know my mom wanted to hold a new baby. …just days before my mom died, she was telling the nurses in the hospital about how “I was supposed to be working on giving her a new grandbaby”. It was heartbreaking just to hear her say that.

    …my wife and I finally conceived only a year and a half after my mother passed away. I have 3 sisters, but I always felt it my duty to protect my mom, since I was her only son. But you can’t protect someone from cancer. That’s the hard part–when you are helpless. The most you can do is live your life in a way that will make her proud. I hope I am doing that, because I do want to see her again one day, if I go to heaven.

    She never saw our beautiful daughter Emma. My mother was a difficult, cranky, ‘pain-in-the-ass’ to most of us in the family, but oh do I miss her terribly. I hope I told her that I loved her enough. I hope her and Dad are hand-in-hand in heaven. I can’t help but think that she talked to God and helped give us our beautiful, perfect little baby Emma.

  81. Hi,

    I lost my mom when i was 11. I didn’t cry at all that day. Or the following days. In fact, i lived without realizing she was gone. I was thankful to have siblings that loved me and took care of me while I was growing up and my dad. too.

    But today it hit me.. my mom is gone. I’m 26 now. my mom is gone.
    I miss her so much. More than ever before. I just realized this is not going to change. The more time passes…the farther away the memories of her it seems..

    But I am stronger because of all this. I trust other woman and believe in the power of womanhood sisterhood..motherhood.
    I’ve been so afraid of growing up and embracing I am a woman maybe because that meant letting go of childish memories. Because every playfulness I have still ties me to my mom. If I grow up i may take her away of my life.

    How can I do this? Have her inspire me? Despite the years. How can I respect her, know her more ..now, even when she’s gone. I want to know her better. I want to. I want to learn from her…


  82. I miss my mom too. I just had her first grandchild. She’s here now with us all the time. Kathy, my mom, doesn’t have to be alive to be here. I need to ask for her help. I realized that my son makes me forget her loss. She would have wanted it that way. My mom is me now. I am all that she wanted me to be to my son. I realize by writing this that I don’t miss her anymore. I have her here now. I weep because she would have loved my son and his mom, my love, Jen. I am over grief. Wow . It’s nice to say it. Peace be with you.

  83. hello thought I’d post again. Well something that happened to me is that I fell off a hill and haven’t been walking for the last month so yes but I will go back to school in January, I hope, if all goes well and I might volunteer or take some courses if I get better before that. I miss my mom a lot, I went camping 2 times ( yesterday I came back from the second one) and when I am in that nature I think of her and when noone is around I break down and cry and pray to the Lord. thankyou mrd for praying for me. I think I am becoming stronger and stronger each day, also trying to do things and not just dwell on my mom’s passing.

    Again I’d love it if any of you emailed me .

    God Bless You All.

  84. Reading your post made me think how much people do take their parents for granted.I lost my mom 4 years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.I really miss my mom she was my best friend.

  85. Hey all, thanks for this. Like many of you I came across this page after typing ‘I miss my mom’ into Google. I lost my mom last autumn, only a year after my dad. She was everything I aspire to be – honest, principled, hard-working, and full of love. I so wanted her to share in the raising of my children. She saw our first arrive just after dad died, and I think it helped her a lot during that dark time. She was the proudest grandmother, and I’ll always be happy to have been able to give her that gift before she left us. Just like my mom, I’m a Bright; Brights believe death is the end of individual existence, and that shared memory is all we leave behind, so it’s especially important to share our stories. Reading what you have to say has helped a lot. Thank you.

  86. I googled “I miss my Mom” tonight on google and found this. Thank you. Thank you for being so frank with your feelings. You are not alone. I lost my Mom only a year ago on Valentines Day. The darkest day of my life. The day I learned what a heavy heart truly feels like. Sadly she wasn’t here to share in the brightest day of my life. I just gave birth to triplets. So now, I am a motherless mother trying to live up to her standards.. trying to figure this out on my own. I know she is watching over me.. but sometimes it’s just so hard without her. Thank you.. I think you were chosen to write this for a reason.. God Bless.

  87. I ended up at this site in the same manner as most of you. My mother died December 11, 2008 of Renal Cell Carcinoma I miss her every day, but as the holidays approach, I feel it so much more keenly. I truly do not know how to live knowing that this person who helped define me and who loved me in such a unique and selfless way is gone. There are days when it hits me that she is truly not coming back and those days are unbearable. It still seems impossible that she died. In my mind, my mother was going to live well into her 80s or 90s and watch my boys grow up. I feel so sad just seeing how much my sons have changed since she died and that she isn’t here to see how beautiful they are both inside and out. We just returned from vacation and I can’t call her to tell her all about it. Normally at this time we would have at least 5 or 6 shopping days scheduled on our calendars. There are so many things I miss – her voice, for one. She would call and leave long, rambling messages telling me about the most mundane things! I used to shake my head and laugh because she would always start with “Hey Lorraine, it’s Mom” as if I didn’t know that the minute I heard her voice! I keep asking her to please show me that she is around me. I am scared because I am not sure I feel her. I often panic thinking that she is just gone. I have always been a person of faith (my mom was a devout Catholic), but lately I have been feeling so much doubt in God. I prayed so much while she was sick (literally hours each day) but now I feel like God let me down. I know it is selfish to think that God has to answer all our prayers, but I truly thought he would heal my mom. When that didn’t happen, my faith diminished. I pray now to get that back and there are days when I feel stronger in my faith, but it has been shaken to say the least. Well, I am rambling a bit, but sometimes, as others have mentioned, it helps to just vent. I wish all of you peace as the holidays approach.

  88. Lorraine,

    Please do not feel doubt in God. Just remember that He has a plan and that even though we do not understand why our loved ones are taken, it happens for a reason. You may never know why it happened but God has different plans for you,your family, and your mother. God doesn’t always answer our prayers for a reason – and even though it causes us great pain, there is always some greater meaning to it. It is hard to look past our pain and realize that many great things come from the hard times in life. You grow and become stronger, and build different connections with other people in the world among various other things. If there is one thing I have learned since my mother passed and since writing this blog, I know I would be a completely different person if she were still alive. Whether good or bad, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today, following the plan God has for me and becoming the person he wanted me to be. Please write here whenever you feel you need to vent. It helps us all to read that others share the same pain and problems and shows us we are not alone. I will pray for you. Stay strong and hang in there, the holidays are always one of the hardest parts after you lose a loved one. Focus your energy on your family and be strong for them, and always cherish the wonderful memories you shared with your mom. Some people may have never even gotten the chance to share their children with their mother – and you did. That is truly a blessing. Hang in there!

  89. Google again.

    Thank all of you for sharing – sometimes it seems like I’m the only one who misses her mom this intensely and it’s hard to talk to the rest of the family who just seem uncomfortable. Tired of hearing “get counseling.” Loving someone enough to miss them every day of the rest of your life isn’t something I’d want “counseled” away, tough as it is.

    It’s been six years now since my mom died of cancer and I am still flying home to go through Mom’s stuff. My stepdad is dating a wonderful woman who’s been incredibly patient about a houseful of stuff from my mom, but it’s time to give him a chance to be happy and I honestly think my mom wanted him to be taken care of and have someone to share his life with.

    (By the way, he is a great man. He married my mother when I was in my early thirties and has always been there for us. He answers the phone every day when I call him on my way home from work (which is the toughest part of the day to get through because that’s when I’d talk to mom before) and he genuinely is glad to hear from me, and worries when I don’t call. I feel lucky to still have him in my life.)

    This past weekend I found letters that Mom wrote to my kids and my sister just before she died. It is so hard to even let go of something like that to them because it’s like holding a piece of her. I find myself keeping silly things like handwritten grocery lists just because she wrote them and it’s a tiny part of her life I get to touch.

    I hope that each of you finds the joy along with the heartache in remembering your mom. We were lucky to have women who loved us so much.

  90. I miss my Mother already and yet she is not gone, she is still alive…but this is not a life for her. She has dementia. I visit her every day – sometimes I recognise her sometimes, I don’t. I have lost her and yet she is still there. No one tells you how you should feel, they all say, make a life of your own or, get on with it, or, it’s good that you are there for her.
    This is actually torture and the only thing I can see is black or white – either, why do you not die now or Please, come back to me as you used to you be Mum because I miss you so much that my life means nothing without you.
    You were the only one who put am arm around me; who knew when I felt down; who knew life was always tough for me – who made sure I was safe and fought my battles against the world…
    And now Mum, I know you are in pain but I do not know what to do for you because cannot get the right words out to tell me. And the smile I have on my face is not real, it’s pretend because this is what they tell me to do,; you must not see me unhappy any more…
    But I know you still love me and you know, I will always love YOU

  91. So, i too googled i miss my parents tonight… and found this wonderful page.

    to make a really long story short my mom and dad divorced when i was 5. my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer when i was 6 by the time i was 9 i was taking care of my mom and little brother (he was 7) then it happened May 29 2001 i was 11 years old and was mother-less.. it was 10 days after her bday and at the time i didnt feel as much emotion about it as i do now.. maybe it was becuase i was young or maybe i was just numb… so in the years after my mom died my dad took up drinking very badly.. i mean like a 12 pack or 2 a night. he became very violent and no one really wanted to be around him. by the time i turned 1 i was fed up with my dad so i moved out. didnt speak to my dad for a little less than a year. we had started talking again (THANK GOD) when i got another phone call that changed my life once again.. my dad had been found dead in his apartment. as i lost all control of my self one thought popped into my head “the one reason my dad had began drinking over was my mom and he was with her now so he was beyond happy” my dad died of a heart attack on october 15th 2008, 7 days before his bday…
    as i sit here tonight reminissing on the past and missing my parents. i think about how happy they both are to be together again. but i also think about how hurt i am to have neither one of them. sometimes i feel like i cant get out of bed. i just miss them so much that i feel as if i cant go on. i know that they are watching over me and protecting my brother and i but i just wish they were here to yell at me one more time or to tell me they loved me or kiss me on the forehead. its those little things the little things that you dont think about until their gone that you miss. i think about how loud my dad was and how i hated to go anywhere in public with him because he was just that anoying.. and now i wish, i wish i had just one more day with him, to remind him of how sorry i am for everything i put him through and to just tell him that i love him and miss him, and most of all for just one more hug and to hear him say “you’ll always be my little girl” thats all i want. i just wnat to hear his voice. ugh the holidays are the worst time of the year.. thats for sure.
    because i have been having such a hard time i made an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow, this is the very first time i will do something like this and i gotta be completely honest, im scared shitless… but with all the emotions that i have been feeling and not really having anyone to talk to i think this is the best solution for me. Im hoping to learn to deal with my pain and emotions that im feeling. i feel lost in alot of ways. dont really know which way to turn next.

    i miss you both more and more everyday. the older i get the worse it gets, i need to know that you are with me and watching over me in some form. please let me know this, please help me find me path,the path i need to be on at this point in my life. I love you both so much
    Love you always and miss you more
    your little girl/scooby

  92. hi guys reading your stories made me relize im not on my own.I also lost my mum in march this year and im devastated iv lost my best friend and my insperation we still dont know why we lost her but hopefully we’ll find out soon thanks for makeing me feel beta x

  93. hey i lost my mom this yr…every word u hve written ,everything that u stated reminded me of my mom…i really miss her every moment in my life..
    neways buddy just keep urself busy as i do though its hard to get out of this feeling..but atleast keep this in minf that where ever she is she wants us to be happy..
    so not to shed tears for her…
    be happy…:)

  94. пока я жив, я буду держоть в голове ваш рЁсурс 😉 заношу в букмарки….

  95. I’m another person who got here by searching”I miss my mom” on google. Mine died in August 2008 from mestatic cancer. She was suddenly *very* sick. We learned it was cancer and 3 weeks later she was gone. I’m 37 and it’s so hard to imagine all the years ahead with out her. We talked every day and she loved my daughters so much. My girls were 1 and 3 when my Mom passed, so they will not remember much about her. she was my ‘go to’ person for everything. I know I am not alone but yet it feels so lonely. I miss her terribly.

  96. Can you please take my email adress off of here? Please-it is the same as I put in the e-mail required fit and I included it in one of my posts – plz take it off as it sort of puts me in danger.

  97. my mom did drugs ever since i was born and my dad left her before i was born. it hurt me to find out i didnt have a dad and that my mom lied about trying to find him. my mom has been in jail 5 times for doing crystal meth. i am only a twelve year old boy and my little brother is five and lives with my mom but i never get to see her or him because the police keep her and my little brother away from me becayse she is still on probation and cant come near where i live. i keep in contact with her by email and face book and i miss her soooo much. i usualy start crying because i cant see her and because i miss her and my brother sooo much.

  98. Miss my dearest mother
    In May of this year, my dearest mother aged 92 left this beautiful world and went to heaven.

    Looking back on my mother’s life, she dedicated herself entirely to the education of others in mathematics. In despite of she experienced many hardships throughout life, mother still strongly continued on. She worked diligently and conscientiously during her career in not only University, but also in Christian schools and a night time school for labourers. She thought of teaching as a noble career and felt duty bound to serve society.

    My mother was born in 1917 into a well-educated and wealthy family. My open minded Grandfather was head of the local council. After moving to Shanghai he became a successful business man. My mother was not pampered or spoilt, despite being raised in a high-class environment. She was independent, diligent and thrifty. At a very young age she lost vision in one eye due to serious illness. Even after this she was brave in reality without becoming deeply depressed, instead, she was more determined and hard working than ever.

    During childhood, my mother received a strict formal education. She studied Confucious and Chinese classical literature. She was fluent in English as Mathematics books were written in English. Her pastimes included singing English songs and writing poetry. As a teenager my mother passed an examination into a first class Chinese university. It was rare for a woman to study mathematics in university at that time. My mother was the favourite student of famous Chinese mathematics masters. Before the culture revolution, she was head of basic mathematics in the university mathematics department. She was a conscientious, professional and thoughtful teacher who was careful in her preparation for her classes. There were more than 100 students in her classes. Sometimes teachers would attend her classes for inspection and learning purposes. To engage students in mathematics she used a variety of teaching strategies that made it interesting and easier for students to understand. She was highly praised by all.

    Mother did not resent other people or like gossip. Her personality type was quiet, honest and tolerant. At the start of “The Cultural Revolution” such people were persecuted. My parents were labelled “black class”. Our house was searched and our precious possessions were confiscated. My parents were forced to do hard physical labour and self-criticise. They were tortured and treated like criminals. Sadly my father died after suffering torments for two years. . During this human disaster my mother endured great grief due to the loss of my father and strained to bear the humiliation that she suffered. She was made to teach factory workers the most elementary mathematics in the evening course for a long period and sent to the countryside for doing heavy work. All the mistreatment she received during this time deeply ruined her health. Even though miserable and overwhelmed, her optimism, faith in life, and love for her children gave her the strength to live on. After 10 years of devastation my parents were eventually rehabilitated. At 60 years of age, my mother was inspired as she could give lectures in university again.

    As a mother, she paid much attention to the education of her children. Not believing in the physical punishment of children, she adopted a method of toleration and guidance. Despite the chaos of the Cultural Revolution, my mother raised us to be responsible and trustworthy. In this extremely harsh environment she earnestly and tirelessly instructed us to be moral and upright.
    My mother was generous and delighted herself in helping others. She was nice to friends and relatives. On occasion or at Chinese festivals mother would warmly invite them to dinner. For herself she provided simply and thriftily. When friends or relatives assisted, she felt immensely grateful and would always seek ways to return the favour. Servants in our home were treated with equal respect and well paid. Mother was also helpful and caring in teaching neighbours and friends mathematics, this was especially after the Cultural Revolution when entrance examinations into university were restored. Many neighbours and friends requested mathematics tutoring which she would enthusiastically and patiently offered without monetary reward.

    After retirement, mother intended to translate the latest English mathematics book into Chinese; however she could not find any new material due to lack of information. An additional problem was a cataract in her sole eye. Relying on magnifiers to read books and magazines, she had to give up her original plan. In her later years, she cared more about family than herself and did not want to be a burden. Mother was reluctant to see doctors as she did not wish for us to apply for work leave to accompany her. At 90 years of age mother was able to look after herself and helped around the house. When critically ill in last days, she still tried to prop herself up independently.

    Now mother is in heaven, her noble qualities of uprightness, kindness, thriftiness and toleration will always be our guiding light. The spirit of becoming stronger through unceasing effort is her most precious legacy.

    I wish that my mother and father are united in heaven and can finally rest from the world. I will miss my mother forever.

  99. I do not know what is happening to me , I do not even know who to tell but I wnat to tell someone who knows me. Everywhere I go/everything I do I get dejavu ( like things that happened when I was a child and with mom). LIke walking into the same restaurant, or place and just the same feelings come back and I did not have lots of deja vu when mom was alive; is this just real big stress ganging up on me ? or is it like my mom coming ot me so I can remmeber al we did together; its like i am doing what we used to do together but bymyself and its totally acidental and i dont realise it at first but after a few minutes in that place i start to get a feeling of deja vu and I dunno maybe its my imagination – maybe it never happened b4. I think I am going Crazy and I realy need/want help. I have noone, I have been on my own for one year and two and a half months, I am breaking down – I see no future, hardly any hope. I am a smart good person but I dont even feel like using my talents – I just need a hug , I need my mom. I am only 21.

    Thankyou4 listnin :(.

    bye. nite.

    • Im very sorry you dont understand. I am 16 years old and my mother passed away when i was 6 i still dont know how she passed away but i remmeber going to her funeral wondering what was going on i tried not to cry. I still dont have comfort to ask any of my family to ask how she died. I really miss her and wish i got to be with her , i never had a mother in my life , never had a mother to love or be loved by. it hurts so much that i cry everytime i hear someone talk about their mother. i wish she was in my arms forever. shes up in heaven in god watching me and i know she wants me to do the best of my life but its just to hard to live without her with me Help me God ❤

  100. Thanks for posting this. I lost my Mum about 16 months ago. It’s taken a while, but I’m starting to feel ok again, but I do still miss her so so so much.

  101. I’ve been on this site, reading everyone’s experiences for a few days now, and I think I am ready to tell just a little bit of my story. Like everyone else, I typed “I miss my mum” into google. I’ve done that pretty much everyday since it happened. It’s the same thing as when I go to phone her, even though I have her mobile. I’ve even sent her text messages. I feel like a little girl, even though this is the time when I should be breaking free, gaining independence, making my own life. That makes me kind of angry.

    I am seventeen. I lost my mother just over two weeks ago. It was very sudden, in the early hours of Easter Monday she collapsed; she had suffered a cerebral aneurysm. She was rushed to a specialist hospital, and was kept under sedation, but a week and a day later she passed away. She was only thirty-nine.
    I miss her so much. She was my best friend, the one person I loved most in the world. My mum was very beautiful, and YOUNG! She never went to college or anything, but she was really intelligent and witty, and she loved to write. And she loved me and my little brother SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and she had the best fashion sense. We have almost identical tastes in fashion, art, cinema, literature, and although we didn’t really look alike (she has wavy dark hair, dark eyes and an angular jaw-line, whereas I’m blonde with blue eyes and an oval face), people say all the time you can tell I’m her daughter.

    I’m not saying it was all great. We had alot of arguments. I didn’t have to most stable childhood, but my mum always tried her best, and in a way, her being the only constant made us so close. I was a nightmare as a pre-teen, and I hate myself for every bad word I said to her. I’m not trying to put her on a pedestal or anything, she gave me a lot of shit too. Some of the things she did really fucked me up. But it wasn’t really her fault, she had had a hard life and couldn’t cope. But in recent years she was soooo much stronger. And she put so much care into her children. She loved being around us. She didn’t spoil us, I mean, aside from anything else she never had to money to, but she bought us the coolest little things. She was great at choosing gifts, she put so much thought into everything. Oh yeah, and she could sing and dance. She was so young inside.

    And now she’s gone. And it hurts so much, it’s unbelieveable. I feel like a part of me has died. It hurts too much to properly reminisce, but when I do look back…I can barely recognise the person I used to be. It feels like centuries ago, rather than a mere matter of weeks; yet at the same time the pain is so raw. It physically hurts me to think of all these future mile-stones she won’t get to share with me. Going off to uni (assuming by some miracle I don’t fuck up all my looming exams), getting my first apartment, and maybe getting married or giving her her first grandchild. Stuff I didn’t even know I was looking forward to. As well as sadness, there’s anger there. It’s so unfair. I even feel angry towards some of the people in these forums, who have lost their mothers when they themselves were grown adults, and their mums were in their 60s, 70s and 80s. That’s natural, that’s just what happens. But I need my mum NOW. I know that’a wrong though…I know losing your mum must be devastating whenever.

    Oh. I’ve written an essay. I’m looking out my sky-light. It’s kind of over-cast, but it still feels very summery. The funeral is tomorrow, and that’s gonna be hard day. There are so many hard days ahead of me, I know…they seem to stretch on endlessly. But there will be good moments too, I will make sure of that. Because I owe it to my mum to have a good life. I’m her life’s work. I hope I don’t screw up. It’s May-day celebrations next Monday. And I’m gonna do what I normally do…find a spot on the hill with my friends, wear flower garlands, drink lager, and allow old drunken hippies to attack me with green face-paint. Because I’m alive, and life is BEAUTIFUL! I have big plans.

    I love you mum.

    • There maire I’m so sorry for you, the first weeks are really the hardest.
      As I wrote this time a year ago, I always lost my mom very sudden, though I’m a bit older than you (23 when she passed away) I can understand your feelings, the same thoughts you came up with. And I just wanted to say to you, that don’t give up on you,’cause that surely isn’t what she wanted, and i’m sure you will pass those exams,an go off to Uni. I thought the same things last year, that i never will finish my 2 lasts years of UNI, and still i’m 4months away from graduating. And although it’s a very hard time to pass theses exams, especially when the person which supported you the most isn’t there, but when you succeed them, you really can be proud of you because not everyone will do so, and i’m pretty sure you will say to your self that you did it for here. at least that was my motivation for going on with my studies.
      Your plans for monday are a very good idea, stay focused on what you always liked to do an still do it, this routine will help you a bit.
      I’m wishing you a lot of courage for tomorrow ’cause it will not be easy but your not alone,your brother, your friends and family are there, and you always have to remember that.

      Take care of you.

  102. I did a search, I just put in “I miss my mom” I saw this link and decided to click on it, I’m so glad I did, all of your stories touched me so much I had to comment here. I’ve had issues of abandonment since childhood, That didn’t help me while grieving, you see my father was murdered when I was 7 years old, My mother’s testimony helped to convict six men for that, So, the plain clothes detectives were always bringing her to see us, my sis and brother and I, one on each side of her at all times, she actually was one of three witness’s and the other two they killed, anyway, whenever she came I cried so hard for her not to leave, but, as you can imagine, she had too. They were hiding her well, she was in a nursing home under a different name as the trial went on. I would see the sketches of her on T.V. because it was always on the news, cry more, So then after that was over, we all were O.K., She did good, Got a job as a dietitian at a hospital, A car, A home for us, It was very hard for her. then boom she got sick, and she was always in the hospital, in and out, all of my life, I was always scared she was dieing. Once she slit her wrist’s and i was cooking dinner, and had a strong feeling to go in and check on her, i was 15 then, and there it was, i fell to my knees, then ran to my aunts house, anyway, after that i watched her like a hawk, no matter how many times she said sorry she would never do that again, i didn’t stop watching everything she did! as I grew into my early 20’s I met my 1st true love, and 2 kids and 10 yr’s later, we got married, We did very well together too, we bought and sold old Victorian homes, restored not remodeled them, plus i worked for Costco as a baker/cake decorator, So yeah busy alot, anyway, mom got worse around my late 30’s, and i knew it would be soon, i always have gotten *those* feelings, and usually they come true, she did get worse, and was put on hospice, she died 4 month’s later, i had just turned 40 by then, but like maybe 3 days before it happened, i went over there, my sister was a caregiver and took care of her at her home, one block from us, i went there around 10 at night and i just crawled into bed with her, i laid my head on her shoulder, i begged her not to go, cried, she for the 1st time in years MOTHERED me, she said ” Janene you’ve always been my rock” ” my rock of Gibraltar” ” no matter what honey I will always be with you” then she pointed her finger upwards, and said “The lord is with me and you, and I’m OK, I know where I’m going” I sobbed! it’s still hard to talk about this part, anyway, she was only 83 lbs and i remember her shoulder was so bony, but I just felt so mothered, I will always remember it forever, she cuddled me, and it felt so good. I hope one day I can better live with it, I’m learning still, and she’s been gone 11 yrs, I guess that’s how it is though, at 1st it comes in waves, like the tide, then over time, and that’s the key *time*, You just learn how to live with it, you never ever really accept it, I so understand alot of you here, especially those of you that it’s recent, I will keep you all in my thoughts, And I thank you so much for allowing me to share here. I always said I should have written a book, you know about the whole thing trial and all, call it, looking through my mother’s eyes, or something.I left alot out of this for sake of typing too a long post, But you know it was nice to have been here for me. Take care all of you, God Bless you too, Janene

  103. Hey, I arrived at this page through a google search, expecting little more than the usual boring idiocy which you find on a good deal of blogs. Having read your post about your mother, I have to say that I’ve really sort of been woken up to how much I take my mother for granted, and how much I really do love her. I intend to begin to make a much greater effort to empathize with her, and to not be so quick to argue with her about the littlest things. Thank you so much. I don’t know if anything on the Internet has ever really affected me in this manner before.

  104. Thank you everyone so much for the comments. I am so glad that this blog has touched you all. I know it still rings true to me to this day. I miss my mom more every day, but life carries on with or without you, and you just have to embrace the change and move forward. I am honored that you all have shared your stories on my blog and I’m glad this could be a place for us to express how we feel. If you ever need someone to talk, I am here! 🙂 I wish you all the very best in life and I hope you are all hanging in there despite the horrible losses we have experience. ❤

  105. every that happens where planned by GOD…. but i still miss my mom. she left me alone in this cruel world that no one could actually even live……. i miss my mom she’s all to me in very happy when seeing here but then haven’t seen her for few years now and that’s why im getting to be addicted in some thing that is bad i miss my mom to guide me in my ways…..

  106. I LOVE and MISS my MUM so MUCH! It has been 6 weeks and 1 day since she passed away and I feel like it was only yesterday. To look at me youd think that I was ok, but honestly, I am completely and utterly heartbroken! I manage to function every day on autopilot. My mum was beautiful from the inside out, she was my everything, my one constant in life. She was so giving, so unselfish, so loving. She loved life, loved her faith and loved us her children unconditionally. My world started collapsing around me when she was diagnosed end of November 2009 with ovarian cancer and it would never be the same again when she passed away in July 2010 (at 56 yrs old). In that time we went from sadness (mums diagnosis in NOV) to happiness (when mums chemo was working in FEB/MAR), to utter devastation in June when we were told that surgery and further chemo didnt work and we were back to square one again. I never knew I could cry so much, I have cried more since November 2009 than in all my 34 years put together. I still cry every night and sometimes in the mornings before work too, I just miss my mum so much, I miss her wake up calls, our phone conversations, her cheeky laugh, her hugs, her kisses, her just always being there. When my mum first told me she was diagnosed with cancer my first thought was that I just wanted to die too because I just couldnt imagine living life without her in it (pls dont worry Im not at all suicidal just dramatic at times). My mum was one tough cookie and she remained strong to the end, not once did she complain about the hand she was dealt or of any pain she obviously had. Mum was so caring, her only concern was that we were alright, telling us to move on with life etc but even though I know Im an adult, I still need my mummy. Its so hard, especially with daily reminders around, I get a little jealous when I see other mums and daughters out and about and I brace myself what with birthdays coming up soon and xmas just around the corner, gosh I will miss the future things we could have done and experienced together. I wish we just had more time.
    Mum passed away surrounded by all her children and her bothers and sisters. I know Im lucky in the sense that I got to say everything I wanted to but I also feel cheated out of looking after her in her old age etc. I know, I know, put things into perspective, but right now, all the perspectives in the world can not soothe my heartache.
    Im so ashamed to say how incredibly selfish I was just a couple of weeks ago, a bit of me still wanted my mum back even if it meant that she was in pain but thank God that part of me no longer exists and I know that I love my mum so much more than that…that I love her more than enough to let her go. Im lucky still though, I come from a very loving and close family and extended family, my mum was very loving, my mums last words to us her children were ‘I LOVE YOU’. My mums legacy is LOVE and we her children will continue her legacy.
    I too was missing my mum so much that I for some reason decided to google “I miss my mum so much” and this site came up, to be honest I didnt know if I would find anything from my search but Im sure glad I did, I wasnt sure if I could type anything let alone type so much, but I must admit it has been very therapeutic. Thankyou all for sharing, and for letting me share too, in a way its helped me to know that there are others out there who understand what Im going through. Lots of love, positive energy and God bless!

  107. ezra- I feel the same way as you and I am all alone too. Sooo scary and I am 21.

  108. Hi. I don’t know if anyone will read this or even cares but i just need to vent to someone, something, anything.. I came across this because i typed ‘i miss my mom’ into google. Its been 6 years since my mom died of cancer. I was 12 years old. I now live with my dad and things have been pretty rough ever since then. While the relationship between my dad and i has gotten much better over the years, everyday i think how different my life would be if my mom were still alive. I am 18, live in a dirty house which is becoming increasingly more run down, work a part time job only 3 hours a day, high school drop out, no social life to speak of what so ever. My dad is currently struggling with money more and more everyday. I have to give him half of my petty pay check. When my mom was alive, i always saw my family. They came over to my house all the time, or my mom and i came to theirs. We had the same tradition every Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birhdays, everything. Since she has passed, i have become more and more distant with all of them. My sister and brother moved three hours away to raise their children, so the only time i can see them is on holidays if i can, or very rarely when i can drive up there. I recently found out my aunt who i usually ride up there with, along with my two cousins, has been going up there quite a bit with no word to me. I also discovered they took a vacation two different places( one of which we all used to go together) without me or without saying one word to me. While i try not to let this bother me, it does greatly and i can’t help but wonder why. My nieces and nephew know my cousins and aunt very well, yet every time i go they don’t remember me or they can’t remember my name. I love them to death, and i can’t help but feel so incredibly jealous and resentful of them. And then it goes back to knowing for a fact my relationship with my family would not be like this one bit if my mom was alive. My mom was my best friend, she helped me with everything, she was incredibly caring to everybody and she was so amazingly beautiful and i hate that i have to try to go through this life without her. I don’t know how to do it without her and everyday becomes more difficult. I am beyond lonely and i have absolutely no one. Add on top of all this the fact that i just found out i am PREGNANT. While i always wanted a baby desperately, i think of baby names i love and day dreaming about my sweet little baby all the time, i knew i was not in the right position to have that yet. I am only 18, have no money, no education, and no one to help me. And now i find myself in this position, pregnant, knowing that theres no way i could keep it, but have no idea in the world how to let my baby go. I don’t want to raise my child around food stamps and run down apartments and constantly stressing about money. I want the best possible life for a child of mine, and i know if i keep this baby she/he will not have that. Add on top of that the father is a complete psycho, druggie, loser, broke, completely crazy person who won’t leave me alone and that just makes this 20 times worse. So now i am laying in bed in my room, which i have been doing for the past two days, feeling completely lost and confused and scared and ridiculously lonely. I have all these questions running through my head, like what IF i could make this work?? What if i could keep this baby and be okay? What if i have an abortion and i regret it so greatly that i never get over it? Will abortion be the biggest mistake of my life? Will keeping it be the biggest mistake of my life?? SOS……….

    • Hi Nicole,

      I am glad you found my blog and I am glad you chose it as a place to vent. You are not alone. This blog doesn’t tell much about my life, but, I lost my mom when I was 9, and my dad never did a thing for me. We really have no relationship now, and he was/is also into drugs, was verbally and physically abusive, and never supported/loved me in really any way. Reading your post brought me back to when I was your age, well, actually younger, when I went through a lot of the same things. You are not alone. There are many people out there struggling. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. There are many ways to get help – and many ways to get off on a better foot. I worked for myself since I was 16, made my life better for me. My dad took my money as well, we ended up getting evicted, I lived with family of mine and then all of a sudden no one had a place for me – I was lucky I had some good friends and their parents took me in. I can’t imagine what you’re going through being pregnant, but there is always a way to make it work. You can try and find a good job, try and start making money. You can get insurance from the state for the baby, you can get money, etc. Google some things. Look up some resources. I am at work right now – can’t talk too much, but I am hear to talk. I often feel the same way about not being included in my family’s activites. I am very much on my own – but am lucky enough to have some good friends and a good boyfriend (now.) Let’s chat – my email is missalexstewart@gmail.com. Shoot me an email, I am here for ya. I really do know you feel (in many ways, not all) for I went through so much of the same thing you are right now. You can get through this, if I did! I’m not kidding when I say email me, please, please do!

  109. Great post. I lost my mom many years ago and echo many of your feelings. I’ve been following this blog that you might want to peruse. It’s written by a woman who is a medical doctor who lost her son to suicide and her communications with him since he died. I’ve felt my mom for years but this really helped me start a real communication; not just some random feelings. http://www.channelingerik.com/about/

  110. My mother just passed away three months ago, and the pain for me has only gotten worse.I search “I miss my mom so much” in google, several times a week hoping to find something to read that will make me feel better. Thank you for this lovely post!

  111. My mom passed away five months back due to cervical cancer. She was fighting from cancer for the last two years. Although she was sick but I never really thought that she would die soo soon, so I never got a chance to prepare myself to handle this situation. The other thing is that I am sort of an introvert. I hardly talk to anyone about how I miss her because I don’t want to show how weak I am from inside. I am always this strong guy who’s always there to support his little sister so she never misses mom. But at times I feel lonely and miss her too much, that’s when I typed “i miss my mom” on google and just clicked on the first link. Not only your entry but the comments too touched my heart. I am soo glad that there are so many people who feel exactly the same as me. This part just touched my soul “….You know I am more than happy when someone brings her up!…..” It’s like you stole the thoughts from my mind. A few months back I wrote on my blog too about how I miss my mom. Here’s the link…


    I guess you people would be among few who’ll understand my feelings. I am glad I stumbled upon this link 🙂

  112. Hi again,

    Haven’t posted here in a long while. It has been pver 2 years and well it’s weird because sometimes after talking to someone on the phone I am fine and sometimes I need attention or get all this bottled up energy inside after which I need to let out so I do things I wouldn’t normally do or want to do after like call a mean person. Anyways same thing happens after I am with someone in person ( again – sometimes ). I miss my parent and I want to take baby steps and NOT GIVE UP.

  113. Lost my mom 8/26/09. She was 90 and fought emphysema for many years. Her early life was filled with turmoil, her later life with depression as a result. Still, she was mom and a great mom. As an adult myself, I still remember wonderful childhood memories, support and unconditional love. I am missing my mom amd that is how I read your beautiful tribute. It helped tonight. Enjoy and love life

  114. Sometimes I am doing okay but sometimes my baby steps even seem hard especially when I hear from someone who asks me to do something and it is regarding my mum and grandmum. I found that so hard and I cried. I couldn’t even do what I was gonna ( my baby step for the day ), It’s so unfair-why did they have to give me this news! I don’t think I can handle it, so I have been loathing for 2 hours. I don’t rly wanna do what they asked but then I will feel they hate me which they already do and they just called cuz its for mom but still. I dunno what to do or think.

  115. I too entered ‘I miss my mom’ into a search engine and got here. I understand how you feel when you see mothers and daughters together…. I yearn for that warmth. I have a few friends and coworkers who complain about their mothers a lot and I can’t handle it.. I have to walk away. What I would give for 5 more minutes with my mom… and they don’t get it. My mom died when I was 19 of a sudden brain anuerysm- she was in her 40’s. It’s been 6 years and still I can go from normal and happy to completely in tears in under 60 seconds if i’m triggered. Youre post was touching, thank you.

  116. Thank you so much for sharing! your blog is so touching and the comments. I’m so glad that i can find people here who can understand what feel , I’m still 15 now that i lost my mom. she is still 40 when she die because of congenital heart disease that leads to many complications. She has been suffering of her illness for how many years but i never thought she will die so early. 😥 It’s hurts me a lot because we used to be close with each other that we treat each other as best-friends..
    i love her so much and i miss her so much too!

    i type “i miss my mom “in google and saw this blog , i’m so thankful that i saw this because it warmth my heart that i can find people here that can understand what i feel.

  117. Yes thank you everyone for sharing your stories.Today is a very hard day because it’s Mothers Day and even though my mom died in 2006 I still miss her like it was yesterday.We were best friends and we did a lot together and I could talk to her about almost everything!!I also googled in “I miss my mom” and it led me here.We all have a common bond but a different story!!My mom,dad and brother died within 14 months of each other so it didn’t leave me with much family.I wasn’t fortunate to have children of my own:(
    I am married with a good husband but I can’t talk to him about these things;I just don’t feel he understands;no one really understands until it happens to them!!Thanks again for sharing…take care.Happy Mothers Day to all the awesome moms!!

  118. Thanks for this. I googled “I miss my mom” and found this. It’s insightful and I can relate. I wish someone would ask me about my mom. I miss talking about her so badly. She was the only family I had and now I’m the only one that misses her. I just wish someone else shared my loss.

    • Hey Sandy,

      My mom was all i had too and also noone to talk to about her to, really.

  119. Thanks for your sharing. accidentally, I found your blog after googled “miss my Mom”. I’m gonna tell you what had happened to Her, if you don’t mind. I can’t sleep tonight because I really miss my Mom. She passed away in December 4th, 2009. Till now, I miss Her so much, that feeling could’t express in word. I miss Her almost everyday. Everytime when I miss Her, I’m gonna pray to Buddha to protect Her always. (I’m a Buddhist). I realized that I can help Her and makes Her happy if I do lots of virtue. So, now I learn Dharma, do lots of virtue, and dedicate for Her liberation. You know, in this existence, soon or not, we’ll be separated with people we love, because of death. I think what we gonna do are do lots of virtue, reduce our ego, and be kind to all creatures, that will make our life meaningful and make our surrounded people happy. Those are my way to cure my pain because of losing my Mom. I really thankful for Her to gave me birth in this earth, make me have lots of opportunity to do lots of virtue.

  120. Thank you for this. I’m here in the middle of the night missing my mom too. Google is am amazing thing! Thank you for allowing us to feel as if we are not alone and to remember to celebrate our bond.

  121. It’s been almost a year…. Mom I miss you, I miss your guidance, I miss your love. I’m 55, guess age doesn’t change how you feel but mostly I try to live life as you did. Fortunate to have health, fortunate to have had loving parents am I, live life – it’s what we’re given, love, appreciate every day for what it offers – some days it’s frickin’ hard. Both my parents went thru this as did theirs and their’s before – just didn’t fully realize till it happened to me. Hopefully I can pass down some wisdom to my own….

  122. I googled I miss my mom just like everyone else and read the stories but unlike everyone else I got no comfort I still want my mom and all the crappy lines about the way of life just piss me off it wasnt time yet.

  123. when i am in tune with my feelings/self I feel the same way. It really wasn’t. Could she not still be here with me>? Sometimes life sucks…

    thanks for being like that too.

  124. I have been trying to figure out what to my life lately. School always makes me happy, or at least it used to. So, I have been filling out paperwork and needed to find my old college transcripts—there was a chance I could use some of the credits to satisfy a few requirements. So the hunt began.

    I pulled down every box in my attic. It was a mistake. I found a box filled with all the letters from my mom, dad, grandparents, first husband—and I have been consumed with grief ever since.

    It seems like I have had one tragedy after another for the last 10 years. Each time people remark how well I am doing, how brave I am and how it just isn’t fair….I suppose I was battling back as well as anybody could after so many losses, but when I lost my mom on Oct 5, 2008, I fell so hard, I am not sure I will ever get up again. She’s been gone for two and a half years now, but I can remember that last summer as if it is the only thing burned into my memory…

    Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I see that I no longer smile, and I have clearly lost my spirit. And I still cry all the time—and I wonder if I will ever be able to feel joy again.

    Oh, I should feel grateful, right? I had to coolest mom on earth, and she loved me so completely that I never felt alone. So now that she’s gone, I always feel alone—and quite afraid. I am afraid of everything these days. What else could I lose? I never used to be like this. She was 72, and died of lung cancer. Her name was Polly McHenry and she was from Great Falls, Montana. She was the love of my life.

    I found an old photo of her and I in one of those boxes, and I put it on my wall. Maybe I am making some progress, maybe not. It is the first time in two years I can ever stand to look at her. I had to remove all her photos simply because I couldn’t get through the days if I had her in the room with me…it hurt too much to bare.

    Thank you for this site. I am somehow relieved that others feel this same ache for their moms..I didn’t realize it was possible to feel such pain, and still be living.

    My mom was my life. Without her, I am lost.

  125. I share every word you said,from the first one,to the last one. Some evenings,when i come back from work,i start to look for something that can bring me nearer to her. Sometimes I look her pictures,our pictures together. Some other times I just sit and have a cigarette thinking about the time we spent together laughing and talking in front of our coffees before going to bed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and hear her call my name. I imagine her hand touching mine like the last time she did. There are times I try to forget everything,cause she suffered so much during last months of her life. But there’s one thing,that I always keep in my heart:her love for life,for me and my brother,for my dad. My life keeps going on the same,like yours,like everybody’s. There are days I feel so strong,I feel inside my skin and my mind those things she gave me during 21 years she was next to me everyday so strongly mine.There are days I feel so weak,because the only thing I want is being into her arms again one,two,thousands of time,like tonight. I know I can’t. I know maybe one day I will. You see how those usual and normal things are the ones you know miss most. I love my life here but I just look forward for that moment when we’ll be together again somehow, cause my life is not the same anymore. And I realize that every little or big thing will happen,I know that it will always be like now:missing her,missing the best part of my life,my best friend,my best mate,my best relative,my best mentor,my best soulmate,my best memory. Just her,my mom. r.i.p.

  126. Chris,
    o my gosh that is pretty uch exactly how I feel and how my mom was too me. I feel so alone also and also like is it normal to live like this? but i do and i am alone physically too. o my gosh we should be friends. My mom was younger though. I posted here before under the same name.

  127. I’m sooooooo glad I found this writing because I feel the exact same way!!! I am 14 years old and my mom passed away last october. Every now and then I see my friends with their mothers and it hurts that mine isn’t here, but I will forever be greatful that I got to have an amazing woman in my life like my mom. When u described your mother it made me smile because that is exactly the way my mother was. The way you described her made me think that if they knew each other they would be best friends!! Your story inspires me to keep going and be strong! We are both fortunate enough to have people that truly love us because I have no clue how I would have made it through this past year with my dad, aunt, and cousins! Like you I don’t like when people feel bad for me and say “I’m sooo sorry to hear that” I’d rather people just realize I’m happy when I talk about her and not make me think of pain. Thank you for sharing your story!

  128. Today would have been my mom’s 54th birthday. She passed away at the age of 47, when I was only 17.
    It was the hardest time in my life and I miss her so much. Sometimes I still can’t believe she isnt here anymore because I keep her with me in my heart ad in everything that I do. My mom was my best friend. I could tell her anything and she could just look at me and know what I was thinking. She knew me better than anyone and I miss the connection that we had. I get so jealous when I see mother and daughters and I get so upset when people take their mothers for granted. I am so thankful that my mom and I were so close and that I never took her for granted. I think I always knew what a good thing I had and that I had a wonderful mom. There were obvously times where we would drive each other a litte crazy, but at the end of the day, we had the respect and love for each other to get through it.
    It has been hard going on without her but I know that at the end of this life, I will see her again. She would want me to live the best life possible. I hope that everyone who has lost their mother finds peace within themselves and the love of their mother that they carry in their hearts. I love you mom and I hope that I am making you proud. You are always in my heart.

  129. nyiah,

    for me I just wish people did talk about her. A lot of people say it is not a pretty subject and that poeple do not like to talk about someone who died; people told me straight that I should let my mom be because she is gone and it broke my heart. I don’t really even know for sure what to think about what that person said to me. No one brings her up unless I do and noone continues like talking baout her – the memories or anything in a good way all they ever say is ” you need help” if anything when mentionmy mom. Usually, often, almost always.

    I need her shoulder to vry on so much, so much I need and want to ask; so much doubt and fear in aksing others what it is I want my mom’s help with so U always try to do it alone and well I do not want to say more about that.

    That is so true my om understood me like noone else, heck she is the ONly one who ever understood me and that is why she knew what is best for me and was able to help me. It is amazing; like she had the key or eyes to see in my soul. The way she talked to me I felt she really cares ; like we were in it together ( whatever it was). I miss you mom. I almost want to do things like I did before when she was here with me. I did not for a long time but when I get an opportunity I wnat to but am afraid people will think I am nuts and so it doe snot always work since I am not sure how and when i did things together with my mom before. My memory sometimes plays game son me too. Yeah – there was a CONNECTION. When I see mothers and daughters I just think – O that would be nice and I feel almost guilty/bad for not having that now. I can not say I was an angel though. I was not a rebel or anything like that but sometimes even took more than one day to let me lose my arrogance. Not that I am a really arrogant person- since she died I have become really withdrawn and I feel maybe I lost my soul? is that even possible? maybe.
    I wish I could see her again. I will live the way I need to to see her again but i am not sure how to, and sometime snot strong enough to do the right things. She would have also wanted me to live the best life possible. She was happy to be of help to me. It must have brpought her life. We were like one. Now I must go the road alone. Sometimes her lovegets blurred in my heart from others hatred, I think or my lack of self-esteem even. I rarely feel at peace. Mom your in my heart too. Muah!


  130. I just googled “I miss my mum” and came across this site… As I sit here crying and typing (not easy) I suddenly feel less alone, I realise that there are so many of us out there, feeling the same loss. My heart goes out to you all.

    Some of you are so young to be feeling such pain. I am 53 yrs old and now feel like a child! My mother was amazingly brave and funny. Without her I feel so lost.

    She was such a huge part of my life, but I didn’t realise it until it was too late. I wish I could spend just 5 more minutes in her presence so I could tell her how much I love her and thank her for her love and friendship. 5 minutes that’s all I would ask – and then I think of all the time I wasted when she was alive.

    She went so quickly that 11 months later I am still in shock. I want to talk about her all the time, but who wants to listen? I want to stop mothers/daughters in the street and tell them to make the most of the time they have left together. I never in a million years thought that grief would be like this.

    My mother never complained (and she was dealt a really tough hand health wise), she was just so thankful and gracious for each new day. I am trying hard to be strong like her – but it’s so so hard.

    I miss your voice Mum, I miss your stories, I miss your advice, and most of all I miss your love. I live for the day when I meet you again.

    Jo x

  131. Fall is coming. I can feel it. My mom loved the Fall. I remember going out on her porch with her just before she died. I think she just wanted to hear the leaves swirl about, I remember her smile as the breeze washed her face. She looked so good that day. I never imagined for a second that it would be the last day she was really part of this world. It was that night when she went into the last phases of cancer. We were up all night, my brother and I cleaning up after her, she just fell apart.

    The doctors said to not bring her into the hospital. Looking back, what were they thinking? To see her suffer for so many hours, well…I still can’t get those images out of my mind.

    I was surprised she didn’t die that very night, but managed to breathe for a few more days…she was soon in a coma.

    We had some really stupid doctor who said we would have her for another 6 weeks, but I knew better, I knew it was hours…still, when my brothers asked me to got out to dinner with them on that last night, I said yes, thinking I would at least have another day.

    I was so lucky though…before I left the room, I whispered into her ear how much I loved her, how she was everything to me, and always was…I told her that she was wrong…she thought I loved my dad more, and it upset her…I don’t even know how she could imagine that she was not my chosen one…so I told her…she was it..THE person I loved most in all the world. I told her I would never make it without her…I told her she was my life…

    She opened her eyes…I know she heard me. I know she heard me. She knew. I was able to tell her all that was in my heart.

    She died a little later that night. I was not in the room, and I feel so bad I wasn’t there to hold her hand…but the nurses assured us we would have her for a while. I went home to get some rest…it was a mistake. Nurses and doctors…well, they just don’t know.

    As I said I was lucky…she heard me…..and I had the good sense to tell her how much I loved her and that I would be with her soon enough.

    I am so happy that I am not the only one who has fallen apart with the loss of our moms…I really thought I was alone until I found all of you. How will we ever recover?

    Today I wore her earrings and the shoes she bought me the month before she got sick…I keep her very close to me at all times.

    As I said…I had no idea I could hurt this bad and still be alive.


    • Chris, I don’t know if you will read this as it’s a year since you have posted and looks to be even longer since I’ve been here.

      I just wanted to let you know I believe your mom found it easier to go when she was alone. I’m sure that it hurt her heart as much as yours when she left this earth and having her loved ones around would have made it even more unbearable.

      Fall is upon us once again. When you see the leaves dancing on the cool fall breeze, make sure to smile and say hello to your mom. She is happy and healthy now and her wish, I’m sure, is for you to be as well.

      • Dear Kristi,
        It is September and a year later and I am missing my mom again. I found your post and burst into tears. Thank you for writing to me. Thank you for telling me it was easier for her to leave when I wasn’t in the room. I am still tormented by her being without me.

        I am coming up on the 4th anniversary since she drifted away from me, and I am better than I was a year ago. But today I made a fall arrangement, and thought she would have liked it. I put her photo next to it so she could see it.

        I still crave vanilla milkshakes in the Fall because she made me bring one to her every day. On that last day together on the patio, she made my brother go out and get milkshakes all around. She was so happy. She loved football so she had it playing in the background. I always thought it was so funny because she didn’t seem like a football kind of a girl, more Chanel and Vogue…I always thought it was funny.

        I laughed when I read about your mom and the flowers. Thank you for sharing this story.

        I just still miss my mom more than I should…Truth be known, I was a little addicted to the light of her, and without it, I am stumbling. I watched Auntie Mame last night, whom she identified with…and managed to smile thinking of how similar they were…instead of cry. So maybe there is hope for me.

        Thank you for your kindness. It really helped me today.


      • I too stumble without my mom, and my mom’s light shone on me… 🙂 and who is Auntie? I miss her so much 4 years later but its a different missing-I guess we change each year too so.

  132. I ran across this again as I had previously bookmarked it.

    I too, still miss my mom.

  133. For those of us, myself included, who miss our moms so much may we all find a way to grow in relationship with our moms now. It’s what I pray for. My mom was Beauty and Grace. And quiet strength and courage to the end. She was a healer. She loved animals. She was brilliant. She was amazing. And she still is amazing. I love and support her always and forever.
    Helen Anne, June 30, 2010

    Thank you all for sharing.

    • I miss my mom everday, there is not a day that goes by that i do not think of her, the pain of missing her is always there, and it is hard waking up every morning and knowing I won’t talk to her or see her again, my heart hurts and I miss her so much

  134. I also miss my mom so much, i sometimes feel i cannot breath anymore. My mother passed away last June. She died in an accident- it’s one of those deaths that you use as an example of how unpredictable life might be. We were extremely close, she was my best friend. I really miss her unconditional love. I have still her number on my cell phone, and I always whish I could call her , just to hear her voice. Just once. It is very tough. I feel it is so unfair we didn;t have the time to say our goodbyes.
    I will never forget the moment my dad called me to give me the news. I ve been studying away from home, and we had just spoken over the phone 2 hours before her death. After my dad hung up, I felt the loneliest person in the world. I kept staring at the phone. I thought ” this should be a joke or a nightmare, this can;’t be true”.
    I have lots of my friends who lost one of their parents this year ( 2011 has been a terrible year for lots of us) but nobody lost his/her mom. I think it is very different with mommies. I miss her hand on my cheek, i miss her trying to kiss me and me yelling at her that im too old for that, i miss her loud voice, i miss her hugs , i miss her comforting words. I miss having voffee with her and telling me that everything is going to work out just fine. I would give anything to see her one more time, but im afraid i wouldn;t be able to lose her again. 5 months have passed from her death and i still can;t believe how happy i was only 5 months before. It seems so far away. It’s so unfair.
    People keep telling me that time wll help. Well this doesn;t work for me. Each day i feel worst , because it;s one more day since we last spoke, since she asked me for the last time if i wore warm clothes and if i had a proper lunch.
    I feel that had enough and now i want everything to stop, and her to come back. I know it;s childish but if i could , i would start sceraming like a baby till she comes back.

    It’s ironic. One day before she died, I was complaining to her about my career and she had told me everything would br fine. Well for once she was not right. Nothing is fine and she is not here anymore. It’s strange, it’s as if when you lose your mom you stop being somebody;s child. And you have to stand up on your feet by yourself.

    Everybody says im doing fine, and it;s amazing how im dealing with it. The truth is that i have become a super hupohondriac, I cry myself to sleep every night, and i usually prefer crying while driving, which means that i will probably die in a car crash ( great heah?).

  135. Sometimes I worry that I’m not healing. The pain doesn’t go away, I just walk away from it until I open a wrong door somewhere in my mind and BAM it’s right there in front of me. Lots of wrong doors lately… I wish I could handle this better.

    • same for me. I heard what happens is we still feel pain but we also get stronger (to do stuff). I know those wrongdoers should eat my dust. I post here before. Alot is to be said about grief. Like that it is a rocky road but it does it better. Then there are the frief handbooks but i like random stuff i read about it or hear cuz its better. Have a nice day!

  136. I miss my mom everday, there is not a day that I wake up and think about her, there is not a day that there is something I do or something I see, or remember that does not include her, her guidance , her wisom, her advice, I miss my mom everyday because as I got older I realized how important she was to me, how I am the person I am today because of her, I miss her everyday because I am who I am because of Her.. my heart hurts everyday, because she became my best friend without me realizing it, when I miss her I feel the pain,

    • I wish I could give you a big hug!

    • my aunt told me to not think about the loss; is this good or bad advice or both>? and why?

      • Ask your Aunt how you’re supposed to ‘not think about it’. How is that possible? That’s like not thinking about a knife in your chest. No matter how hard you try not to think about it..you’ll still be in pain.

        So in my opinion, it’s bad advice.

      • wow quick reply. Well I think maybe she told me to do that cuz she does. When she came by for funeral she did not talk about it and when i tried she did not continue etc. Maybe it helps her to deal with it like that. I lived with the person so I am affected differently maybe. Like I talked to the dead person daily and she did not. So now I want to talk about them. However it causes pain thinking about them so maybe that is how she is right. She said if thought come to try to stop them. There will not be pain if i do not think about it.
        However the pain stemming from the emptiness and sadness will be there if that is what you mean, true.

      • Well, we all deal with pain differently… sometimes not in a healthy way either. When my mother died I went to grief counseling and that helped me heal. An alternative to grief therapy (if you can’t afford it or don’t feel comfortable with therapy) is just to talk to a good listener. My grandmother (my mom was her daughter) didn’t talk about her death and still doesn’t and I can tell her pain is still on the surface and I know she hasn’t dealt well with it. If you choose not to think about something ever and if you hide it away then it will fester and become more of a problem and you will not heal.

        There are some times when it helps not to think about it.. when you are working or at school, or maybe out with friends and trying to have a good time. But if you don’t deal with your feelings and learn ways to cope and accept the loss then time will fly by and ten years from now you might find yourself dysfunctional and in a world of pain that you still don’t understand.

        My advice is to not let others tell you how to grieve. A basic truth in life is that if you don’t deal with pain now, you will pay a higher price for hiding your feelings later on. Aside from that, think about what you are comfortable with and learn to cope with your feelings.

  137. hi,
    im writing here because people have told me that i need to express my feelings.My mom died when i was 10 years old .She had breast cancer and unfortunately it was detected at a very late stage. its been 10 years since she passed away she was an amazing woman. Whoever met her immediately became friends with her and completely fell in love with her.i know its been a long time since she passed away but i just cant let go of that sinking feeling.Whenever im alone i really miss her and think what if she was alive .
    i just want to say ma i really love you and i wish you were here today.

    • me too- sometimes i have that sinking feeling- i hate it, it is painful. Any tips? especially sometimes at night when i try to sleep.

  138. I feel dead inside rigth now. My mom died when I was around 3 or 4. I am now 14. My dad remarried when I was 6 and has refused to talk about her. They act like nothing happened. They don’t even realize how much I remeber. I just found out her name a few weeks ago when I found my birth certificate. I’m in school and I’ve been spending my whole class block tryna find out stuff about her, but I can’t! So I just typed in how I feel – I miss my mom. SO. FREAKING. MUCH.

  139. There is so much more I wanna say, but I can’t. I’m in class and I’m falling apart trying not to cry. I just miss her. I feel even worse for my younger sister who even bearly got to know her.. She was just so sick and now…she’s gone. I always have to remind myself that she was a good prayerful GOD-loving/fearing woman. She is in Heaven now. Everytime I wanna do something bad, I gotta remind myself that if I’m bad, I can’t get to Heaven, and I don’t I will never get to see her again – and that’s another hell all on its own. So remember – we’ll see them again. Sometimes, I think I should just die so I’ll get to see her sooner, but I just have to hold on. Things are ok. I just miss her so much. I haven’t eaten meatpies in so long. That was our special treat. Can’t eat em without thinking of her. I pray for her to talk to me through a dream. I’m still waiting. It hurts so bad! I need to go. I can’t keep talking. Bye guys. Thanks for everything.

  140. I miss my mummy 2,she s my life.my friend,my mom. No one s lyk her.

    • True :). My life, my friend, she was my future but now…. I do not know what is.

  141. The day since I have lost her I have kind of lost my interest in everything.Not an hour passes by that I dont think of her.I have no siblings.No one understands what I am going through.If this is life I hate it.I hate God if he exists.

    • I understand!!

  142. Me too am an only child.

    • ya annie..its difficult..i know..dont know if time would ever heal this..

  143. well I hear it will not completely and there will always be a part missing but o well… :(… good luk.

  144. I heard we will always have a part missing but who helps you? want to email me?

  145. Thank you so much about sharing your story. I lost my mom 2 weeks back I feel like it end of my life I can’t even cope. Because no one will love me the way my mom use to love I miss my mom’s. She was a very wonderful woman I still love her and miss her. But after reading your story u make me feel strong. Life is not the same now

    • HUGS! My mom died 6 years ago and I miss her everyday. It will get better, I promise. She will live through you now. Make her proud.

    • loving means truly caring for… but everyone ha stheir own life and no one rly does.

  146. I miss my parents terribly. They both died in their 50s and sometimes the pain is so intense that I think I may die from a broken heart. I wonder why they had to leave so soon but then I think of how terribly they suffered with cancer. I lost my best friends and the 2 people who loved me the most on this earth. I will never be the same. After my mom died a huge part of me died and then when my dad died I found my outlook on life became so cynical and pessimistic. They say when one door closes another opens but nothing good has happened in my life since to make me happy. I remember what it was like to be carefree and alive. I exist day by day.

    • awww this made me cry and sobbing now – crying out in pain so to speak- thanks for helping me push it out. This resonates so with me. We could be like freinds since you understand me so well.My mom always made things well and planned good things for me. I was like carefree and positive about future and after she passed it did not turn how I wanted it to and I suffer from judgemental people.

  147. I am 48 and I lost my mom on May 7, 2012…I just feel so lost, so empty inside, so numb. Like a little lost puppy dog just wandering. I have no motivation to do anything….I miss my mom so much….. How will I ever feel normal again?

    • my mum waz that age when she lost her mum and then 3 years latah my mum died too. just saying.

  148. Shes been gone now for almost 3 years. I am also happy but everyday I think of my mother, my best friend and how deeply I miss her. How she was the only one in the whole world that truly loved and understood me in spite of myself. All of my faults seemed somehow okay and even kind of cute to her. She forgave my imperfections and and loved me unconditionally. My husband does too but it’s not the same. I could talk to my mom and she would listen and understand. She was always so happy for me no matter how little it was. I could have swat a fly and she would have made me feel like I did such a good job with swatting that fly. Ya for me. I watch the program called beyond and back. And I pray so much that it’s true, that I will see my beautiful mother again some day, I will be able to smell her and feel her arms around me, comforting me, and that she will forgive me for all the things I didn’t and did do when she was so so sick and dying, I could have been such a better daughter to her. When she was crying out for water and I didn’t give it to her the nurse said “no” she’ll choke. But she wouldn’t of choked , she was suffering and I should have given her water. and the look on her face when I didn’t haunts me. Forgive me.

    • Awww, what an amazing post. I could relate a lot – like the fly thing – she taught me how to and to be brave about it . She was also against killing spiders and instead taught me to take them in the hall of building or outside etc. I even smiled when I got the fly too. Yeah even small things she made me feel I am worth something and that I did a good job and it made life so much more worth living. I miss her too. Please forgive me also mommy. I hope to see her again too I messed up this month too, o mommy I am just too weak. Help me please. Bye guys. xo

  149. Thanks for writing that. I lost my Mom about 2 years ago and like you I am doing just fine. I do miss her very much and think about her often. Your blog made me feel good and that there are other people out there that share similar feelings. Thank you and I hope you are well.

  150. I know you said that you didn’t post this blog to make people feel sorry for you, but I really do. Although you are thinking she is gone, she is actually right there with you. In your heart. Stay strong, and you will always know where she is. Right there, in your heart.

  151. Today is the 11th anniversary of my mother’s death. It seems like it was only yesterday yet then it seems a million years ago. She would be 68 years old. I can’t imagine her in her 60s. I’ve been crying alot lately.

    • sometimes there is nothing really good to say to these feelings of loss. I am sad for you.

      • Hello,

        My mom was in her 50’s when she died. I very rarely think/imagine he rin her late 50’s or older. I do think of her a lot though. So many things remind me of her also. Yes it is so true like you say- Even though some people think/talk like as if it happened yesterday-I mean they say it feels like yesterday, well for me I do not quite agree it is more like you yourself said for me too. In a way seems like not long ago but in another way seems like very long ago. I have pretty much been on my own so maybe that is why I know how much I have had to go through alone and that way the emotions were maybe amplified and so it seems longer for me than those with support-just a theory I came up with as I type.

        Do you have a nice song you can share with me that helps you cope? What do you do to cope? I hate how some people are so uncomfortable with my loss they do not even reach out.


      • Anne; The worst thing that I heard in the first year of my Mom’s passsing was I know what you are going thru, or that is life, or get over it. The best thing that I heard was you will never get over it but you will begin to accept it. I believe that my Mom is sitting right beside me and I trust that a mothers love never dies it just moves to a different demention. Talk to people that knew your Mom and spent time with your Mom and laugh over and remember her life and how she affected each of you. It helps me to celebrate her life.

      • Hi,

        It is Anne again. Thanks for your reply. So….well I do not talk about her, barely ever. Today I got up and feel like doing none of what I wanted to do.Maybe I will though. No one talks about her and when I tried they didnt cath on. People seem to be uncomfortable and maybe I am too-maybe it is good not to talk about her and forgot but just to be with people she knew-yet manyof those people are so uncomfortabele they avoided me too. anywaysw goodluk.

  152. Hi Anne 🙂

    I am so sorry for your loss, also. I do not know how I cope. I guess faith is something that keeps us all going… the hope that we may see them again someday.. the hope that they now exist in peace, completeness and happiness… void of all pain. I basically have had to cope alone, also… so many people do not understand and are very uncomfortable. You learn not to share your loss with those people. A few friends do understand. When my mother died my father fell apart and a few years later he became ill also. It all went down hill. At times I wonder.. why my family???!!! I do my degree of empathy is much deeper. All I know is that life goes on regardless of what happens.

    • Hi,

      Perhaps the worst is when you do not have someone you can confide in, I feel. That is a very good intresting answer/point-you were saying that what makes many uncomfortable is that we faced it alone or did you simply say many people donot understanjd losing a parnt and are therfore uncomfortable or perhaps both would amplify their uncomfortableness. hankyou very much for replying to me. Barely anyone ever has.
      Your right life goes on anyways-whether we like ours or not or whatever. Do you have children? I do not… I am pretty young.
      I actually also thought why my recently… and how it could have happened to anyone and it is a sad thing and that I do not have to have shame about it. It is just a very sad thing that happened to happen to me. Someone I met in a park told me this actually.
      I miss my mom so much and I often searched for that mothering and only found a nice friend this year but something happened and were not anymore. I lleast we do not talk. Most people my moms age do not want to give it to me. They have their own families to give love to-why would I matter to them like that. Such a world we live in. God Bless.

  153. My mom was found dead in her apartment 5 days ago, she was 75 years old and had become a recluse and hoarder over the years, so we never were allowed to see or go inside her place. And she would n

  154. My mom was found dead in her apartment 5 days ago, she was 75 years old and had become a recluse and hoarder with severe mental and physical issues over , so we never were allowed to see or go inside her place. I could not believe what I saw and now my head is all messed up.
    My mom and I had a turbulent relationship at best however in the last 3 years we had become very close with each other. Now I am so lost because not only did I see her for a second the night she was found but I was also the last person to see her alive. I never told her I loved her or that I forgave her for the things in my past. My mother had such a very rough life and was forced to deal with so so many things no one should be forced to endure. I never thought losing her would hurt so much, I truly do not know what to do. I’m just so lost

    • Danielle,

      I am so sorry to read of your loss and all the extra stress it came with.

      Hopefully you can find peace in knowing your mom is in a better place and she now does know of the love you have for her.

      The best thing you can do is take one day at a time and if that is too much break it down to hours, minutes even seconds if you have to.

      I remember right after my mom died how sad I was that the world didn’t stop or even notice that she was no longer here with me in the physical sense. I was in a fog for at least 2 weeks if not longer, but realized I had to keep plugging along because that is what mom would want me to do.

      After awhile you will have good days and bad days, but you won’t ever forget your mom.

      Sending a hug your way!


  155. When i was 6 my mum and my dad split up for 2 years i havent seen my dad but when i was 9 my mum met a man which turned into her boyfriend. He wad her boyfriend for 2years and my now they have split up but i can’t let go i loved him so much what shall i do

  156. I too stumbled across this page looking up miss my mom. my mother had been sick for years. she had copd emphazema fibromyalgia cancer three times…the list goes on. but she was a fighter , a survivor. there were many lessons to be learned from her. she was fun loving, beautiful , understanding , generous but also flawed as we all are. so, 2 weeks before she died she totaled my car! She was in a coma for a week and in the hospital for another week after she awoke. She. came home on a Thursday evening and on Friday Morning , she rolled up a piece of lunchmeat (ham) and put it inbit i failed. she looked at me while trying to breathe saying Heather. help me with her eyes. i couldn’t save her. so anyway the paramedics got there, got the obstruction out and got her y her mouth and choked. I was there and i tried to help hr, I really did

    • Ok. my message got all messed up cuz of my dumd phone. if you read it u can see what happened and get the jest of it. anyway she was in the hospital for another 9 days off life support breathing on her own before she took her last breath. Seconds before her last breath she opened her eyes for the first time in nine days and looked at me long enough for me to tell her again how much i truly loved her. my mom was awesome. i lived with her almost all my life and living without her just plain sucks. i think about her every minute of every day. mom…i love you eternally. see you soon

    • Dear Heather,
      I used to think we had some control over things, but I have come to realize that we have no control over anything. I am sorry you lost your mom. I don’t think there was anything you could do differently. I have replayed my own mom’s death over and over again in my mind…what could i have done differently, and I realize the outcome would always be the same. A second here or there? Was I in the room or not? It never mattered.

      After 4 years, I finally got the strength to throw out her old checkbooks and medical papers…things that upset me, but I hung on to them. Four years!

      I only feel a little better. But now that the holidays are here, I am just putting one foot in front of the other to get through them as well as I can. I wonder, really wonder if this pain ever goes away.

      As for you, here is all I can say to offer comfort. It was impossible for you to save your mom. You could have been driving and avoided the crash…sure…so? She still only had days to live. You did all that was humanly possible, and if there is an afterlife, then she knows…have comfort in that.

      Just know you are not alone, and even your mom is with you now, but she will always be with you because you are her daughter.

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    • my mom died 4.5 years ago.

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  161. HI, my name is Adam I searched internet sevices , and found your page- I miss my mom. – Life is a curveball. | the daily twists …,Useful info. Lucky me I found your web site accidentally, and I am stunned why this twist of fate did not took place in advance!

  162. I miss my Mom, so Google took me here. My Mom passed away on March 15th, 2014. She was a wonderful woman, strong, beautiful, sociable, cultured, great fizzy personality…She was 84. She was admitted to hospital with a UTI, and weakness, and had health problems since 2010, but she was always so stoical and upbeat even though she was in a lot of pain. In the end she just slipped away, they called me to go in at 2am, and I was there at 3am, and at 5am, when she breathed her last.

    I am devastated. I don’t know where to go or what to do. It’s all I can do to take showers and change my clothes and look like a normal person every day, but in reality I don’t care about anything any more.
    Each morning I wake up, and think ‘She’s gone’, and it’s another day to struggle through without her.
    My appetite and sleeping have gone out the window, I just don’t care.

    All the things she did for us (my sister and I), protected us, bought us stuff (she loved to shop and buy enough useful things for us), put me through college, sent us to the doctor/dentist regularly, fought for us, fed us really well, went on vacations with us, she was my whole world since we lost our Dad at age 7.
    She supported us all the way, and more. She was always there to talk to, no matter how embarrassing it was, 5 minutes talking to her and everything was ok again. She could fix anything!

    She loved animals too, our cat Zoe (13) passed away in Feb 2014, so she took Mom with her! How we wept, Mom and I on my old bed the day Zoe died! I thought at the time, this is wonderful, that we are together now at this sad time. Later on that very night, Mom got sick with a UTI. She got up in the middle of the night and did not recognize me at all…I was horrified. After a week of antibiotics and doctor and nurse visits, I brought her to hospital where she passed away a month later.

    She was feisty too, and as we were so alike, we had our ups and downs, but at the back of it all, I knew the purest love I have ever known, the unconditional love of my Mother for my sister and I (and us for her). Her illnesses used to scare me and I worried a lot about her at times. The past 4 years have been difficult, but I would give my right arm now, for just 1 minute more with her, so I could tell her that I love her until the end of time and that she meant everything to me, the one thing that made my life beautiful.

    I am sorry for the difficult times we had (my fault), and how much hassle I gave her growing up ;-( I hope I brought her joy too though, and we had many happy times gossiping, chatting, talking on the phone for hours, cooking for each other, shopping, arguing about clothes and outfits, cleaning the house, complaining about family members, driving places together, planning the grocery shopping for the upcoming week, visiting each others house…a million happy memories. No matter what it was, she could talk about it and it would be ok.

    I was numb at her bedside, and it was like a bad dream. Her breathing got less regular, and I called in the nurse. She said to me ‘Say what you have to say now’, so I told her I loved her and I’d take care of my sister. She died at 5am. I have struggled since. In my mind I am still there at her bedside, the day and time my world ended, and the woman I loved most went to Heaven.
    In truth she was unwell the previous morning, but I thought she was being her usual fusspot self, little did I know…I saw her at 7-8pm that night, and I kissed her forehead and stroked her cheek, and turned to go home, but I was’nt feeling it emotionally, not really.
    10 hours later she was gone, just like a breeze, really peaceful. I know she is in Heaven with her own Darling parents, and our Dad, and her sister, and our cats and all our family.
    Someday I will see her again.

    I had no idea it would be this brutal, or hard.
    I wake each day and hope I will get cancer or a brain tumour or be run over by a car just so I can be with her again, or just so I can suffer bodily pain, like she did.
    If someone shot me right now, I would think that I could offer up my suffering for hers.
    7 weeks of hell. I will never get over this, my beloved Mother. Her name is: Rita Elizabeth, and her birthday is 09.07.1929 (I am 42).
    I love you Rita Elizabeth, for ever and ever, and I treasure the day when we’ll meet again. Thank you for everything you ever did for us (a billion beautiful things). I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

    • Dear Ruth,
      I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I know, really know how much you hurt. I have said many times that it’s hard to believe you can be alive and feel such pain.

      I remember well wishing I could go with her. I remember saying…please take me with you…because I could not stand the thought of being alone. Even now, I take second looks at busses racing down the street and wonder if I should step off the curb.

      Maybe this will help you…

      My mom has now been gone 5 years and some. But Mother’s Day is this weekend, and already I can hardly breathe. I keep looking for gifts, but I won’t be able to give them to her. I panic.

      The pain does get duller, though…doesn’t go away, but you can one day get through a day without falling apart, even have good days…though never quite the same.

      My nightmares are fewer and fewer now. I know I gave my mom grief too as a teenager, and I think about that all the time….how could I have been so wicked? I have replayed every fight we ever had, and have imagined that I was always the one at fault, I never even imagine the possibility that she was having an off day. I am convinced to this day that I blew it…that I should have figured out how to save her…I am smart, why couldn’t I do more? The guilt is overwhelming sometimes.

      But I want to tell you, that it does get better somehow, and here are some examples:

      1. I bought lots of flowers for myself last night, and knew we shared this same love…I was comforted to have flowers near me.

      2. I can still talk to her, and I think she hears me, I don’t even care if I imagine her answer…good enough for me.

      3. I decorate my house exactly the same as she did…only better, I think even she would agree.

      4. I drink vanilla milkshakes for her.

      5. I watch her old movies—still.

      6. I take better care of my teeth, and then sas her and mention it to her.

      7. I send flowers or honey or strawberries to other mothers now…and I feel better for myself.

      8. I started showing off for her in business again…I stopped doing that for 5 years…I give her all the credit for any success.

      9. I love the seasons even more, because they remind me of her.

      10. I keep her ridiculously close to me…and it helps me face the world.

      I am sorry, Ruth, that you lost your mom. My beat answer for you is to simply keep her alive in your mind…and pretend she is just in the next room for now. It’s the only way…


      • Thank you Chris, your comments are so true! Like Comments 2, 5 and 6…you sound like a good child to me. The blog is wonderful, so I’ll keep following it. I’m sorry to hear about your Mom too. May she rest in peace. Ruth

        Sent from my iPhone

  163. Thank you for this blog! Mom’s birthday is: July 9th, 1929, and her name is Elizabeth Rita (but always Rita to everybody), I typed in the wrong order above. Blessings to you all, it’s nice reading all your posts.

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